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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25557214">Not the Best Song Ever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coffeeteanves/pseuds/Coffeeteanves'>Coffeeteanves</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, Angst, Best Song Ever Video, Blood, Canon Compliant, Gen, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Medical Inaccuracies, OT5 Friendship (One Direction), Stitches, Whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:47:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>43,649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25557214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coffeeteanves/pseuds/Coffeeteanves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the Best Song Ever video shoot when Liam hits Harry over the head with a prop. What if the prop wasn't a breakaway and Harry was really injured and Liam thinks it is his fault?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik/Liam Payne/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>167</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The guys were so hyped about filming the video for Best Song Ever even though it meant three of them had to sit in make up for hours. It was total organized chaos directed by one of their favorite people, Ben. </p><p>When they heard the idea for the shoot, it was so different than anything they had done so far and they all liked it. </p><p>Harry loved playing Marcel and was hyped that he could do some acting and try out an American accent. He kept running over his lines so many times that the other boys were laughing at him, but he could throw it back at them because Louis and Niall had a bunch more dialog as the two old fat guy producers. Harry didn’t envy them, but he enjoyed watching them film the parts. </p><p>At the end of the first day of shooting, all the boys were in a good mood, really enjoying themselves. They were tired, but they enjoyed themselves so much that the cast and crew ended up ordering pizza and hanging out longer talking about the next day’s shoot. </p><p>“Ben, what else can we do tomorrow, I love the chaos of everything?” Liam asks. </p><p>The other guys chime in as well and Ben tells them he will see what he can figure out for tomorrow. </p><p>The next day, the boys are looking forward to hearing what Ben has in store for them. For one of the scenes, Liam is going to break one of the awards over Harry’s head in the foreground of Zayn singing his part. Another scene, Niall is going to be pushed around in a mail cart by throwing papers all over the place. Louis and Zayn are going to sword fight with golf clubs, and Zayn is going to break Marcel’s costume ideas over Liam’s head, Harry is going to trash a laptop and trash a desktop. Other ideas continue to flow and the guys are looking forward to it, laughing at things that in no other world would they be able to do legally. </p><p>The day continues on and no one will admit it, but they are all growing tired and smiling through the fun. They are shooting a bit where Liam pics up an award off the shelf and smashes it on Harry’s head. </p><p>As they set the shot, the PA tells Liam which award to pick up because only one is made to break away, the others are solid. He nods, in understanding. </p><p>“Will it hurt when he hits me?” Harry asks. </p><p>“No, it’s made to breakaway at any pressure, it will feel like getting hit with a pillow,” the PA responds. </p><p>That is reassuring, but Harry it not too sure he even wants to get hit with a pillow. <br/>Liam and he get in position and with Zayn in front of them since they are featuring his solo. </p><p>“You ready to do this?” Harry asks. </p><p>“Yeah, always wanted to break something over your head,” Liam says with a smile, </p><p>“Really?” Harry responds with an incredulous face. </p><p>“Just kidding,” Liam responds just as they yell “action.” </p><p>The boys perform their parts like they practiced and right before Liam goes to break the prop over Harry’s head, they hear cut. </p><p>All three look up, not sure what happened. </p><p>“We need to reset, Zayn, we need to move you forward to give the other boys room,” Ben explains. </p><p>He nods and they step out of the frame, a PA taking the prop from Liam’s hands to reset. <br/>Hair and make-up give them all a quick touch up and they are back in their positions. </p><p>They hear “action” and they go. Things happen so fast, Liam picks up the prop, not even registering that it is heavier than before and goes to hit it as hard as he can over Harry’s head. </p><p>Harry doesn’t even have time to brace himself when he feels the prop hit is head. The excruciating pain doesn’t have time to even register before everything goes black. </p><p>Liam sees the look of surprise on Harry’s face and then Harry’s eyes roll back in his head and he drops to the floor. Liam looks at the prop in surprise, realizing that it didn’t break, fear hits him all at once as the prop slips out of his hand. Liam doesn’t even realize he yells as he drops to the ground next to Harry. His heart is beating so fast now and Harry is on his side, facing away from him. Afraid of what he will find when he turns him over, he is hesitant to touch him. </p><p>It occurs to Liam, that they are still filming, not realizing that Harry and he aren’t acting. </p><p>“STOP, STOP!” he yells. </p><p>When Zayn hears Liam, he can tell by his voice that something is wrong. He turns around and sees Liam looking crushed and Harry is on the ground. It takes him a split second to kneel down, putting one hand on Liam and another on Harry’s leg. </p><p>He hears “cut,” but doesn’t pay attention. </p><p>“Liam, what’s wrong?” Zayn asks while shaking Harry’s leg. “Come on Haz, get up.” </p><p>“The prop, it wasn’t breakaway, I killed Harry!” The anguish in his voice was hard to miss. </p><p>Zayn feels a shot of fear run through him and leans forward and feels Harry’s neck for a pulse. He finds one, but it is not steady. Then he sees blood pooling around Harry’s head. Zayn’s head whips around looking at the crowd because no one is even moving yet. </p><p>“Call an ambulance!” he yells. </p><p>By now, Louis and Niall are running forward along with Ben after hearing something happened when they were changing. Louis takes in the scene, seeing Liam sitting down with his hands around his knees crying, too in shock to function.</p><p>Zayn yells for a towel to stop the bleeding and Louis comes around by Harry’s head and sees the blood coming out of a wound on the top. Harry’s face is pale, too pale for Louis’s comfort. He shakes Harry’s shoulder, calling his name to see if he will wake up. This causes Harry to roll onto his back and Louis and Niall can see Harry’s head. Louis has to look away, almost gagging because he thinks he sees a part of Harry’s skull. </p><p>Ben is calling out commands, someone hands Zayn a towel who immediately applies pressure to try to staunch the blood flow. He looks up at Louis and Niall and sees they are not doing well.</p><p>“Louis, look at me,” Zayn commands. “Niall and you, go to Liam and take care of him. He is going into shock. Take him away from here. There isn’t anything you can do right now.”</p><p>Louis looks at Liam who is now rocking back and forth mumbling, “I killed him, I killed him, I killed my best friend.” </p><p>Grabbing Niall, Louis blocks Liam’s view of Harry and says, “Up you go, let’s go sit over here. Niall, get me some water.” </p><p>Louis is practically dragging Liam over to a chair saying, “Come on mate, help me will ya’?” </p><p>Niall hasn’t said anything yet, he is in shock himself, but he can follow directions and goes and looks for some water. When he looked at Harry, he saw the blood, he saw Liam, he saw Zayn, he knew things were dire. He sent a quick prayer upwards and jogged over to the craft table to grab water. Once he returned, Louis was trying to calm Liam down, but Niall could see Liam’s pupils were huge and his breaths were coming fast. </p><p>“Lou, he is having a panic attack,” Niall said. </p><p>“I don’t know what to do, what do I do?” Louis says, not hiding the fear in his voice. </p><p>Niall opens the water and dumps some on Liam, causing Liam to sit up and look Niall in the eyes. </p><p>“You with us mate?” Niall says. </p><p>Liam nods, it was enough to curb the panic attack, but not enough to quell the fear he has. Tears were visible on his face. </p><p>“What happened?” Louis asks. </p><p>“The prop, the prop that was supposed to break, didn’t when I hit him. Harry looked shocked for a second and then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed,” Liam cries and hiccups while explaining. </p><p>The AD, James, was nearby and heard what Liam said. He walked over near Harry looking for the prop, finding it, he picked it up grimacing when he sees Harry’s blood on it. He pulls Ben away from Harry and shows him the prop, sharing what Liam said. </p><p>“What! How could that happen? We had a breakaway prop, I don’t understand,” Ben says incredulously, holding the prop, seeing that it one of the heavy ones they spray painted. </p><p>“Where is the breakaway one?” Ben asks and James shrugs. He walks over the shelf and lifts up the different props until he finds the breakaway one. It’s on the wrong shelf. Ben hands the breakaway prop to James and he has a look of dread of his face. Someone screwed up big time and the result could have devastating consequences. </p><p>Zayn is still kneeling down by Harry, becoming more and more concerned that the bleeding isn’t slowing down. He doesn’t know who is around him, but he sees Paul, their bodyguard when he looks up. </p><p>“His head won’t stop bleeding,” Zayn says with desperation.  </p><p>“I need another towel and where the hell is the ambo?” Paul hollers. </p><p>“He is losing too much blood,” Zayn says. He moves his hand to Harry’s face, “Haz, wake up mate, you’re scaring a bunch of us.”</p><p>Paul looks down at Harry, a boy he loves like a son. He touches his face and then his arms, feeling his skin growing cold. “I need blankets, hurry,” he bellows. </p><p>“HARRY! HARRY! Can you hear me? Paul says while doing a sternum rub. He is paid to be level headed, but he is getting scared. Where is the ambo?</p><p>Towels and blankets are brought and he quickly covers Harry and Zayn changes out the towel, gagging because it is soaked with blood. A moment later the paramedics come in, wheeling a stretcher. Paul hears Zayn mutter “Thank God,” as they both stand up and Paul puts a steadying hand on Zayn as they watch. </p><p>Harry’s head is examined and quickly wrapped up tightly to staunch the blood while Zayn explains what happened. They administer oxygen and attach an IV. Paul feels a chill go down his spine when they say his pupils are blown. Harry is quickly loaded onto the stretcher and the paramedic tells Paul they are taking him to Mercy Hospital.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once Harry is taken away, the whole room is in shock for a moment before there was a cacophony of noise. Paul quickly sends Alberto and Basil to follow the ambulance and keep him posted. He takes a cleansing breath to control his own emotions because he needs to find out how this happened, but he needs to take care of the other boys. That is his first priority. He looks for Jon and Andy, they are standing back, but see Paul when he motions for them to go over to Liam, Niall and Louis. </p><p>Paul still has a hand under Zayn’s shoulder and lets go when he sees the puddle of Harry’s blood and feels his stomach turn. There is so much, too much coming out of a human body. He moves a blanket over it so no one has to see it, then he turns to Zayn, putting his hands on Zayn’s arms, squeezing slightly when he notices that Zayn is staring at the ground where Harry was laying.</p><p>“Zayn, you with me?” Paul asks and Zayn slowly makes eye contact with Paul. “You did great taking care of Harry, now let me take care of you. Come with me, okay?”</p><p>Zayn nods his head, understanding, but not really. He feels like he is in a dream or swimming underwater. Everything is in slow motion and he is not aware of what is going on around him, but he feels Paul’s arm around his shoulders, leading him towards the other boys. He sees Liam and he is wrecked, absolutely wrecked. Zayn is drawn toward him, like he was with Harry. He shakes his head to break through the fog, wanting to make Liam better, wanting to fix things. </p><p>Walking over to Liam, Zayn says his name softly and Liam looks up. </p><p>“Oh Zayn, I killed Harry” Liam says with such anguish that Zayn’s heart breaks. Liam is already reaching for Zayn and he takes him in his arms. </p><p>“Oh Li, no you didn’t. I was just with him and he was breathing. You didn’t kill him. He is going to the hospital and they are going to fix him up as good as new. You’ll see,” Zayn says. </p><p>“But I hit him, I’m the one who did it. He won’t ever forgive me. I thought I grabbed the right one, it was on the shelf they told me about. I know I did it right, I know I did. I don’t know what happened,” Liam says. </p><p>Ben and James walk up then hearing Liam’s anguished cries from across the room. Liam is sobbing in Zayn’s arms and Ben bends down, placing his hand on Liam’ s leg. </p><p>“Liam, you did what you were supposed to do. It wasn’t you, someone switched the props. It wasn’t your fault,” Ben explains.</p><p>Liam looks up at that and Paul feels a surge of anger go through him, compounding his guilt.</p><p>“What do you mean someone switched the props? Was this done of purpose?” Liam asks. </p><p>“I don’t know, but we are going to look into it. We are thinking it was probably a horrific mistake,” Ben says. </p><p>Just then a PA brings over a Miami Dade Police Officer who informs them that they need to be questioned as they investigate what happened. Paul’s heart sinks because this is not what the boys need right now, they need to be on their way to the hospital. Liam, especially is in no shape to be answer questions. He looks up at Ben and James and they exchange glances and Ben steps forward saying he will take care of it and walks the police officer over to the corner where it happened. </p><p>Paul looks at the boys and takes in their faces, they are all pale, and look like someone killed their puppy. He notices Zayn’s hands are covered with Harry’s blood still and they are shaking a little bit. </p><p>“Jon, take Zayn to the restroom and help him clean up, will you? Andy, run and get waters for the boys, while I look for their bags,” Paul says. </p><p>Leaving Niall, Liam and Louis alone, they all look at each other and without saying anything they cling to each other because at that moment, it’s all they have. </p><p>After Liam spoke with the officer, Paul loaded up his charges and the two other bodyguards and drove to Mercy Hospital. While they were waiting, he placed a call to Anne, Harry’s mum, and told her to fly out to Miami promising to keep her updated. He also called management and told them what was happening, advising them what had happened and tomorrow’s concert needed to be canceled. </p><p>The ride to the hospital was silent except for an occasional sob coming from the boys, who were huddled together, not wanting to let each other go. No one wanted to think the worst. </p><p>When they arrived, Basil met them and took them to a private waiting room so they could escape prying eyes. Immediately, Liam asked if there was an update on Harry and Alberto said they were taking him for a CT and then he would likely need a blood transfusion because of how much he lost. That is all the news they had at that point, the boys sat down to wait and those that pray, prayed hard.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul surveyed the room, looking at everyone after they had been there for an hour. Basil and Andy were stationed outside, but Alberto and Jon are sitting next to each other, heads down, hands clasped, almost as if they are praying. </p><p>Zayn is holding Liam, rubbing his hand up and down his back, whispering something incoherent in Liam’s ear. Paul thinks Zayn doesn’t get enough credit, but he has had the most level head with all of this. Liam, on the other hand, is pale and looking bereft. Paul doesn’t think he will snap out of it until they can see Harry. Niall is off on his own, looking lost in his thoughts, he hasn’t said much or done much. Louis is trying his best to not bounce off the walls. He is sitting in his own row, leg shaking, biting his thumb nail and his eyes are skirting everywhere and nowhere. The look of fear on his face is hard to miss. Paul needs to do something, but he doesn’t have any new answers until they get an update. </p><p>As if reading his thoughts, a doctor and nurse enter the room, causing everyone to look up in alarm. The two guards from outside, come in as well. Anxious and scared are the two prevailing feelings in the room. </p><p>“Hello, I’m Dr. Tarpley, Harry’s surgeon. After examining him, he needs surgery. Are any of you able to consent?” </p><p>Louis hears the question and it has been so long since he spoke that he croaks out, “me.”<br/>He coughs and stands up, “Me, I’m his legal guardian and emergency contact.” </p><p>If Dr. Tarpley seems surprised that someone so young is a guardian, he doesn’t show it, but walks over to Louis. “We need to speak somewhere privately, if you will come with me.” </p><p>Louis doesn’t think he could move if he wanted to and besides, they don’t have any secrets. “It’s okay, they can hear it. We’re all family. How’s Harry?” </p><p>Dr. Tarpley takes in the five large older men and the young boys, he knows who they are and his heart hurts that they are in this situation. He takes a deep breath, pushing back his feelings. “Harry suffered a deep laceration to his scalp, causing him to lose too much blood. He is currently receiving a blood transfusion now to be strong enough for surgery. We will be able to repair the laceration and he will have minimal scaring. That is not our biggest concern though.” </p><p>Feeling a sense of dread, Louis sits down, not knowing if his legs can support him. Niall sits next to him and grabs his hand, trying to provide strength through touch, Louis gives him an appreciative look. </p><p>“When he was hit, Harry’s skull cracked in a spider web effect. We need to go in and drill something called a burr hole, maybe more than one, because of the bleeding, blood seeped through the cracks and was caught under the skull. It is applying pressure to his brain and we need to relieve that or it will cause irreparable damage,” Dr. Tarpley explains. </p><p>“Oh God!” Liam says, his shoulders shaking in sobs as Zayn continues to soothe him. </p><p>Paul blanches after hearing the explanation. “What are the risks?” he asks. </p><p>“Has Harry been under anesthesia before and if he has, were there any problems? Dr. Tarpley asks. </p><p>Everyone looks around, not knowing the answer except for Louis. “Yes, with his wisdom teeth. He has a hard time coming out of it. They couldn’t wake him up afterwards and he had to stay longer,” Louis says. </p><p>“Okay, that’s good to know. As to the other risks, it is with any surgery, something could go wrong, but without it, Harry could lose all cognitive functions and suffer brain damage. With it, he could also suffer those things, but there is a higher chance of a full recovery,” Dr. Tarpley explains. </p><p>Louis hears someone crying and he looks around for the first time at all of the faces in the room. Some have pity, some fear, some are sad and none are looking at him. This is a decision he has to make and he has to live with the consequences, but he knows what Harry would want, because he would want the same thing. </p><p>He clears his throat, “Where do I sign?” </p><p>Dr. Tarpley nods in understanding, “I will have the nurse walk you through it and I will go prep Harry.” </p><p>“How is he, like how is he right now?” Louis asks. </p><p>“He has not regained consciousness, if that is what you are asking. His blood pressure dropped due to his blood loss, but he shows no cognitive deficits. In other words, he is stable,” Dr. Tarpley answers. </p><p>“How long will the surgery take?” Paul asks. </p><p>“Could be two to four hours and he will spend time in recovery. Because it is a head injury, he will be in the ICU afterwards. We will come and get you once he is in a room. Now, I need to go, if you have any more questions, please ask the nurse. If you will excuse me, I need to prep Harry,” Dr. Taylor finishes and heads out. </p><p>The older men thank him, the younger boys, not able to speak yet. The nurse, Karen, comes and sits next to Louis and explains the paperwork. Niall stands and keeps a hand on his shoulder, which is comforting. Karen talks about DNRs, living wills, consent, insurance, so many things going over Louis’s head, but he signs where she says to sign. When she asks about insurance, he looks to Paul and he takes over from there providing the necessary information for him. </p><p>Louis sits there for a minute realizing the enormity of what he just had to do. He thought it was a formality when he was made Harry’s guardian, he never thought he would have to act on it. The weight of the past few hours hits him and tears start falling down his face without permission. He turns to Niall and hugs him like Niall is the only thing keeping him from sinking through the floor. </p><p>When the nurse leaves, Paul again looks at his charges. Both Niall and Zayn have two sobbing boys in their arms and they are crying themselves. The guards are not much better, not crying, but concern and fear etched in their faces. He steps out for a minute to compose himself and to call Anne and let management know an update. Anne is leaving in 30 minutes and gives Paul her flight information. He promises someone will be there to pick her up. Before he hangs up Anne says, “Paul, you take care of my baby, do you understand. Don’t let anything happen to him and take care of those boys. It’s the ones not reacting that you need to pay special attention too. They will break later and will need you.” He promises Anne he will and rings off. </p><p>Niall, Paul thinks, is the one who has not reacted at all. He is the one they are going to need to watch. Paul doesn’t want to enter the room again where the atmosphere is thick with fear that he feels like he could touch it. He compartmentalizes his own fear, takes a deep breath and goes in with a plan. </p><p>“Alright, we know it is going to be a bit before we hear anything. I don’t suppose any of you would want to go back to the hotel?” </p><p>The looks he is receiving are enough to burn a hole in the ground. “Okay, I didn’t think so, but you all are going to eat and that is not up for debate. You will be no good to Harry if you are hungry and tired. Hungry I can do something about. Alberto, Jon, and Basil, go down to the cafeteria and get food for us? Boys, text them what you would be willing to eat. Andy, will you go to the hotel and grab chargers and some of Harry’s toiletries?” </p><p>Everyone nods and the boys pull out their phones doing what they are told and the guards leave. When it is only Paul and the boys, he tells them about Anne and they acknowledge it, but no one talks. Paul doesn’t want to give false encouragement, so he doesn’t and leaves the boys to process how they choose for the moment. </p><p> </p><p>Pain, instant pain throughout his entire body was the first coherent thought Harry had. He didn’t know where it was coming from or why it was there, but it made it hard to open his eyes, or to move. He heard his name, a nice soothing voice, calling out softly, but firmly. It sounded a bit like his mum. </p><p>“Harry, I need you to open your eyes for me, come on, I know you can do it,” the voice said.</p><p>Like an obstinate child, opening his eyes was the last thing Harry wanted to do. He didn’t care, what were they going to do to him, punish him, force his eyes open, he was not going to be doing that on his own.</p><p>“Harry,” he hears his name again and this time someone his holding his hand and rubbing his arm. “Harry, I need you to open your eyes, you are in the hospital, you had an accident and we had to do surgery, we need to see if you are okay.”</p><p>Hospital. Pain. Hurt. Harry tried to connect the dots and figured he must have been in an accident of some sort if he had to have surgery. The thought of the other boys flickered through his head, but he couldn’t make it coherent enough because fear was replacing coherency. He knew he was safe, but the pain was becoming too much and he started to feel a tightness in his chest mirrored by a beeping that was becoming faster. </p><p>“Get the doctor, his heart rate it too high, we need to switch to a mask,” the voice said. <br/>“Harry, can you hear me? I need you to take deep breaths. You’re okay, don’t be scared, we are taking care of you.” </p><p>That didn’t calm Harry’s fears at all. He felt something removed from his nose and a sudden influx of air against his face and then a spike of pain so severe that he had no time to react before he slipped into darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Harry wakes again, his head is still throbbing, but not as bad as before. He hears the beeping of the heart monitor and can feel the cool air around his mouth telling him that he must still have an oxygen mask on. He still doesn’t want to open his eyes, but he has no concept of time and he wants his mates, his mum, someone there to hold his hand. He doesn’t think opening his eyes will make it better and he is afraid it will hurt more.</p><p>With that thought, he feels tears falling down his face without permission, a sudden sob accompanies it. </p><p>“Mr. Styles, can you hear me? You are okay, you’re in the hospital and you’ve had surgery. Don’t be scared, hun. Your family and bandmates are down the hall, they have been here the whole time. We are getting you settled in your room so you can see them, but I need you to open your eyes son,” the voice asks. </p><p>Another sob escapes and he scrunches up his eyes because a spike of pain drives itself through the top of his skull and he feels it spread around his head and down his spine. <br/>Harry catches his breath then and squeezes the hand he is holding.</p><p>“Are you in any pain?” the voice asks. </p><p>Harry tries to speak, but can’t seem to form the word. He nods his head slightly, still squeezing the person’s hand. </p><p>“Okay, we are going to give you some more morphine. It will ease your pain, but I need you to let go of my hand, hun. Can you do that for me?” </p><p>Harry let’s go reluctantly and hears footsteps and then a cold feeling in his arm. He lays there not moving, feeling the pain gradually subside. </p><p>“I’ve just given you a dose of morphine through your IV, the pain in your head should be lessening. Can you try to open your eyes now for me?” the voice, who Harry now realizes must be a nurse, asks. </p><p>To him, that woman is a saint and he wants to do anything he can for her. Harry concentrates on his eyes and gradually opens them, blinking a bit taking in the dim room. </p><p>“There you are, now was that so bad?” the nurse asks. </p><p>The nurse looks like a grandma as Harry makes out her smiling face looking down at him. </p><p>“I need to check your pupils by shining a light in them. This may hurt, be prepared,” she says. </p><p>Harry squeezes the sheets with his hand and when she shines her light, he suddenly feels like someone drove nails in his head. He makes a noise, but it doesn’t register because he passed out. </p><p> </p><p>Liam looks up when he sees Dr. Tarpley headed towards them with a smile on his face. He immediately stands up, causing the other guys to notice and they stand as well. </p><p>“How is Harry?” Liam asks. </p><p>“He made it through surgery just fine. We only needed to drill one burr hole and were able to drain the blood and relieve the pressure. It took him a bit to come around in recovery, but he is in his room now resting. Harry is in a lot of pain though and we have him on a high dose of morphine, but his pupils are reacting to stimulus which is a positive sign,” Dr. Tarpley explains. </p><p>“Thank God,” Liam says, sitting down again. </p><p>“Can we see him?” Louis asks. </p><p>“Yes, two of you may go up at a time. Hopefully, in a day or two, he will be moved out of the ICU and you can all see him. There is another waiting room upstairs if you would like to follow me and I will show you to his room,” Dr. Tarpley says. </p><p>Paul looks around at the guys. “Louis, Niall, Paddy, Alberto, you all head upstairs. Text me when you get there and will come up shortly.” </p><p>The four guys follow Dr. Tarpley and Paul turns to Liam, who is shaking and kneels down in front of him. </p><p>“Liam, son, did you hear Dr. Tarpley? Harry is going to be fine and this wasn’t your fault at all. Stop with the guilt trip, it was an accident. It could have been Harry hitting you and the outcome would have been the same. Do you think Harry would want you this upset about it? You didn’t do it on purpose. Do you hear me Liam?”</p><p>Zayn has his arm around Liam and squeezes when Paul finishes. </p><p>“Yeah, I was just so scared,” Liam says. </p><p>“We all were mate,” Zayn responds. </p><p>“And it is okay to be scared, but now we have to be there and be strong for Harry. Can you do that?” Paul asks. </p><p>Liam nods. “Good, son. Let’s go see our guy.” Paul says and Jon, Basil and the boys head upstairs following Paddy’s directions. </p><p>Paul text Anne and management to give them an update. Anne’s plane lands at 6 a.m. and it’s four in the morning already. Paul has to figure out a way to get his crew to bed and swap his guards around as well. He sends Jon to get Anne when they find the waiting room and sends Basil to go find coffee for everyone. Then he goes to search out Harry’s room and sees Paddy and Alberto standing outside. </p><p>“How is he?” Paul asks. </p><p>“His head is wrapped up like a mummy and he is unconscious, but he has color in his cheeks,” Paddy explains.</p><p>Paul nods and fills in the two guards, sending one back to sit with Zayn and Liam and he peeks his head in to see Harry himself. Harry who is larger than life in person, looks so small and fragile in the bed. Different locks of curls are sticking out of his head bandage and he looks like he is sleeping. </p><p>Niall and Louis are standing next to his bed, Louis holding his hand. They aren’t talking, but they are holding it together for now. </p><p>“Boys,” Paul says quietly. “Do you think you could let Liam and Zayn have a minute with Harry? I think it will make Liam feel better, then I want all four of you to head back to the hotel to get some sleep.”</p><p>“I want to stay here,” Louis says. “In case something happens, I can be with him until Anne comes.” </p><p>Paul was prepared for that and he nods, knowing he is not going anywhere either. He will send the rest of the guards and boys to the hotel and they can come back around lunchtime. As they walk out of the room, he puts his arm around Niall. </p><p>“Ni, you doing okay?” </p><p>“I think I am; I don’t know. I think I’m still in shock about everything,” Niall answers. </p><p>“That’s okay. It’s to be expected. Give yourself time to deal with this though, okay?” </p><p>Niall nods and leans into Paul, his way of saying he needs a hug and that Paul can do. </p><p>“Thanks, Paul.”</p><p> </p><p>Back in Harry’s room, Louis looks around and pulls up a chair. He studies Harry, mentally taking note of every detail. Looking to see what has changed because he already has memorized Harry’s face. He knows Harry is going to be upset that they had to shave his head, but Louis decided he is going to buy beanies for him to wear so he is not self-conscious. </p><p>Louis reaches for his hand and holds it, giving it a squeeze, just to let Harry know he is not alone. </p><p>He must have drifted off because he feels a squeeze on his shoulders and looks up to see Anne’s smiling, but exhausted looking face. </p><p>“You made it,” Louis says quietly. </p><p>“Yes, I just got in. How is he?” Anne asks. </p><p>“He has woken up a few times, but was disoriented and in a lot of pain. They have him on a pretty high dose of morphine and he passed out from the pain the last time he was awake which was about four hours ago,” Louis explains. </p><p>He gets up to give Anne his chair, but not before the two share a hug. </p><p>“Thank you for staying with him,” Anne says. </p><p>“Of course, I’m going to go get some tea and something to eat to give you some time with him, can I get you anything?” Louis asks. </p><p>“Just some coffee if you don’t mind,” Anne says not looking at him, already turning her attention to her son. </p><p>Louis nods and heads out, finding Alberto and Paul outside the room. </p><p>“Ah, hi, I’m going to go get some food and tea and coffee for Anne, can I get you anything?” Louis says. </p><p>“I’ll come with you Lou, don’t want you on your own. How is he?” Paul says. </p><p>“No change, but that’s good right?” Louis says. </p><p>Paul nods as they head down to the cafeteria in silence.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, the boys take turns staying with Harry while Anne slept a bit. Harry had improved enough that they moved him out of the ICU which was a relief for everyone. What wasn’t a relief was the fact that Harry hadn’t woken up yet, at least woken up for his family to see him. By the end of the day, Paul took his tired charges back to the hotel and made sure Anne was okay before leaving Alberto outside. </p><p>When Harry wakes a third time the next morning, his eyes come open with a start and he realizes he is somewhere different. By the sound of the beeping, he knows he is still in the hospital. </p><p>“Harry?” He recognizes that voice, the way it is said, soft and soothing at the same time and he feels tears immediately well up because he knows that voice means comfort. He doesn’t want to turn his head because he is afraid the pain with intensify. </p><p>“Oh, don’t cry honey, I’m right here,” Anne says squeezing his hand. </p><p>“Mummy, it hurts,” he gets out falling back into a childlike persona only reserved when he wants his mum to comfort him, no matter his age. </p><p>“I know dear, let me call the nurse,” Anne says. </p><p>“What happened? Where am I?” Harry asks.</p><p>“There was an accident and you had to have surgery, you’re in a hospital right now, but you are doing better. They moved you out of the ICU, so you are improving.” </p><p>“Where are we?” Harry asks, not happy that his mum is avoiding what he wants to know. </p><p>“We are in Miami, Florida, you were doing a video shoot with the band,” Anne says. </p><p>Harry thinks, trying to rack his brain because what his mum says doesn’t make sense. Band? Florida? Video? He has no idea what’s going on. His brain feels like it is ratchetting around in his head and he lets out a whimper.  </p><p>“Shhh baby, the nurse is coming,” Anne says as she gently rubs his face trying to sooth him. </p><p>“I, I . . . I don’t understand, what band?” Harry ekes out through the mounting pressure building behind his eyes. </p><p>Next, several things happen at once. Louis walks in, followed by the nurse and he freezes when he hears Harry’s question gob smacked with shots of icy fear running down his back. </p><p>Before Anne can respond the nurse comes over and Harry starts to thrash around, trying to fight off the intense pain in his head and then he starts to scream. </p><p>Harry hears voices, but he doesn’t care, he is in pain and he can’t control it. Someone is running their hand on his forehead, but he wants it to stop. Then he feels coldness in his arms and gradually he feels the pain lessen as he gives into the darkness. </p><p>At the screaming, Alberto rushes in and takes in the scene, Louis sees Harry fall unconscious and looks up at Anne who is squeezing Harry’s hand and caressing his face whispering calming words to him. He doesn’t feel the tears on his face until he tastes it and he quickly wipes it away.</p><p>“He didn’t know the band, he said he didn’t know us . . .” Louis trails off. </p><p>The nurse has finished assessing Harry and she looks up at Louis, “That is normal, he is still in a lot of pain and his thoughts are confused. That happens with a lot of heavily concussed patients. Give it time, he’ll remember,” she says with a reassuring smile.</p><p>Louis looks at Anne and she doesn’t look convinced either. The nurse reads the room well, “he over exerted himself, but he is resting comfortably now. I will tell the doctor what happened, but try to keep calm until he wakes again,” she says. </p><p>Alberto discreetly steps back out to text Paul and Louis goes to Anne and hugs her because he needs a mum hug too. She catches him up about the night and Louis sends her back to the hotel to rest. </p><p>Once she has left with a promise from him to phone if he wakes up, Louis pulls the chair over and settles down next to Harry. He doesn’t know what to do at first, so he just sits and watches Harry’s chest rise and fall. Something about the simple act reassures him, but he still runs what he heard through his mind and he is scared. <br/>A few hours go by and Dr. Tarpley comes in and examines Harry, Louis watches him closely, trying to read his face. </p><p>“I understand that he did not recall he was in a band when he woke up last,” Dr. Tarpley says. </p><p>“You could say that, what does that mean?” Louis asks. </p><p>“He has a lot of pain killers in his system and to put it simply, he rattled his brain and it will take a little time for him to remember. He knew his mum, but he may not recall what is most recent, but I’m confident that he will. His skull is healing nicely as well. Pain control is what will be most important in the coming days,” Dr. Tarpley says. </p><p>That calms Louis somewhat, but until Harry recognizes him and the band, he will be on edge. Once the doctor leaves, Louis studies Harry again and this time he decides to tell it like it is.</p><p>“I swear that if you wake up again and you don’t know who I am, I’m going to make your life a living hell, do you hear me Harrold? I will never leave you alone until you remember everything. You have to wake up, Liam can hardly eat, he blames himself so much. You need to forgive him, so you have some work to do and you have to wake up to do it. Besides, this not how we want to remember Miami. We’re are supposed to be partying. Niall couldn’t wait until you went clubbing with him and he isn’t doing well either man. He is too still, not talking and not really eating, going through the motions. A silent Niall is just not right,” Louis stops and wipes his eyes, the tears are falling freely now, but he continues his monologue. </p><p>“And Zayn, you wouldn’t believe how he reacted. He was the best out of all us, knew what to do, he saved your life, I think. He was giving us orders and tried to stop the bleeding, he was amazing. You would have been so shocked, our little Zayn was the best of all of us, Haz . . .” </p><p>Louis trails off and then hears a noise behind him and he whips around and there are the guys, Liam, Niall and Zayn standing there. Tears in Niall’s and Liam’s eyes, Zayn looks sad, none are looking at Louis, all studying Harry. </p><p>Louis clears his throat, quickly wiping his tears, “How long . . .did you . . . hear me?” <br/>He asks feeling his face flush with embarrassment. Louis is the oldest and he has to be the strongest, he didn’t know how he felt that the boys may have heard him. </p><p>Zayn is the first to break the silence, “Enough, but that’s okay.” </p><p>Without missing a beat, Zayn walks up to Harry’s bed “And Lou is not sleeping Harry, a tired Lou causes problems for all of us. He was here yesterday and came back early this morning, you know how he doesn’t sleep until we are all together, so we need you to wake up now.” </p><p>Niall walks up to Louis and squeezes his shoulder and Louis returns it by patting his leg and after Zayn’s comments, Louis can’t help it when the tears eek out. No one says anything because there really isn’t anything else to say so the settle in to wait.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He feels like he is swimming underwater, continuously doing dog paddle strokes to reach the surface, but there is no surface, only water, endless water. Weirdly, he can breathe, feeling cool air on his face. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet and he wonders where he is, why he is there, where is everyone? </p><p>Harry hears voices first and he recognizes them, he doesn’t know why, but he does. They are muted, but comforting. The underwater feeling is still there, only now there is a buoyancy about it and he feels as though his body wants to surface. There is a dull throb in his head, he doesn’t know why, but he feels like it was worse, not understanding how he would know that. Before he opens his eyes, he mentally takes an assessment of his body and he can wiggle his toes and fingers. </p><p>Louis and Zayn must feel it at the same time because they look at each other in surprise and then look at Harry. </p><p>“Did you feel that?” Louis asks Zayn. </p><p>“Yeah, I did. Do you think he is waking up?” Zayn asks. </p><p>“I hope so,” Louis says as he squeezes back. He stands up and puts his other hand on Harry’s shoulder, studying his face closely. </p><p>Harry feels someone squeeze his hand and then a slight pressure on his shoulder. Words are being said, but he can’t make sense of them. He tries to make sense of them, he really does, instead he takes a deep breath and wills his eyes to open. </p><p>Louis closely watches Harry and sees him take a deep breath and his eyes flutter open. He looks at Zayn who is also standing, both of them have mixed emotions flitting across their face, fear, relief, happiness, especially when he looks back down and sees Harry’s eyes. </p><p>Relief instantly washes through Louis, he unconsciously squeezes Harry’s hand tighter. </p><p>“Hi,” Louis says watching and waiting to see if Harry knows who he is. </p><p>Harry tries to speak, to respond, his eyes never leaving the blue ones looking at him so intently. He finally manages, “Oops.”</p><p>“Oh, thank God, you’re back,” Louis says, looking at Zayn who has the same expression. </p><p>Harry doesn’t want to let go of the boys’ hands, but he desperately needs some water. <br/>“Wa,” he tries to say, but goes for the easier, “drink?”</p><p>“You want something to drink?” Zayn asks. </p><p>Harry doesn’t want to nod his head, and responds with his eyes. </p><p>“Here, I got you,” Niall says from behind Zayn. </p><p>Both Louis and Zayn look around to see Liam at the foot of the bed and Niall coming up beside Zayn with water. </p><p>Niall sees the question in their eyes, “We’ve been up for a bit, watching him wake up.”</p><p>Niall brings the straw to Harry’s mouth and he takes a sip, then another. The cold water feeling great on his parched and achy throat. He leans back when he is done, closing his eyes again, exhausted by such a simple gesture. </p><p>“Can you stay awake, Haz,” Louis asks softly. </p><p>Harry opens his eyes again and looks at Louis. “What happened?” he asks. </p><p>The boys all look at each other to see who would explain it. Three of them, didn’t hide their surprise when Liam starts speaking. </p><p>“We were filming our video for ‘Best Song.’ You and I wanted to do a scene where I break something over your head, but the props were mixed up and I grabbed the real one and hit you over the head with it. You’ve been out since then,” Liam explains. </p><p>Harry digests this and he remembers some of it. They are in Miami, but he thinks his mum is there. </p><p>“My mum?” Harry asks. </p><p>“She’s here, sleeping now. Do you want me to text her?” Louis asks. </p><p>“No, let her sleep. How long?” Harry asks. </p><p>“How long have you been out?” Zayn clarifies. </p><p>“Hmm, hmm,” Harry replies. </p><p>“About two days. You’ve woken up a few times. Gave us a scare when you didn’t remember anything one time, didn’t know us or the band. The doc has kept you on a high dose of pain meds because of your head,” Zayn says. </p><p>Harry goes to move his arm and Zayn lets go of his hand. His arm feels so heavy as he lifts it and touches his head, feeling a bandage around it. He goes to a specific spot where he feels the most pain and just touching it, causes fiery shots to emit from the point of contact. He sucks in his breath, trying to deal with it. </p><p>“Let’s not touch that right now, ‘kay?’ Louis says as he takes Harry’s hand and lays it on his chest. </p><p>With closed eyes Harry asks, “What happened to my head?” </p><p>“When Liam hit you,” Louis looks at Liam and sees him flinch, “when you were hit, it caused your skull to spiderweb and crack. You were bleeding so bad that the blood seeped under your skull and caused your brain to swell. They had to drill a little hole to relieve the pressure, that’s what you are feeling.”</p><p>Harry is trying to make sense of that information, it’s a lot to take in. Brain, swelling, hole, bleeding. He lets out a small “Oh,” not sure what else to really say. </p><p>He opens his eyes again saying, “thanks for being here.” Then closes his eyes and gives into the sleep that has been pulling him under, hoping the pain will go away. Harry doesn’t hear Zayn, “we would never leave you,” because he has already drifted off. </p><p>Once the boys see Harry is sleeping, they all look at each other. Tears and glistening eyes abound as they pull back from the bed and hug one another, needing the reassurance and pulling on each other’s strength. Louis goes to text Anne and Zayn goes to tell the nurse that Harry woke up and was coherent. Liam texts Paul. </p><p>“I never thought I would be happier to see the recognition in Harry’s face, he knows us,” Niall says. </p><p>“And we can be thankful for that,” Zayn replies. </p><p>The relief the boys feel is catching because Anne, Paul and the bodyguards feel the same. It is apparent when Paul and Anne come in about an hour later. Exhaustion evident, but the concern that has been etched on her face has eased. </p><p>“How is he?” she asks once she has looked over Harry for herself. </p><p>“He is doing better, not a lot of pain and he knew us,” Zayn explains. </p><p>“Has the doctor come yet?” Paul asks. </p><p>“Yeah, he was pleased, said Harry should start being alert longer and they are easing him off the pain meds, to assess his pain,” Louis says. </p><p>“Thank God,” Anne responds and Louis brings her to the chair next to Harry’s bed and sits her down. </p><p>“We’ll leave you alone for a bit,” Louis says and he motions to the other boys to come with him. </p><p>Once alone with her son, Anne clasps Harry’s hand and squeezes, wishing he would wake up, but knows a restful sleep is a healing sleep. She gets comfortable in the chair and waits for her boy to wake up. </p><p>Later, Anne feels that someone is watching her and she looks up, thinking that someone else is in the room and she turns to check on Harry and finds his eyes open, watching her. </p><p>“Hi baby, how are you doing?” she asks. </p><p>“Hi mum,” he says quietly. </p><p>“How long have you been awake?” </p><p>“Don’t know, just watching you to make sure you’re real. I can’t tell what is and isn’t anymore,” Harry says. </p><p>Anne holds Harry’s hand and palms his face, “I assure you, I’m very real honey. You gave all of us quite a scare. How are you feeling?” </p><p>Harry thinks a moment, “My head hurts a bit, I’m so tired.” </p><p>“Well, that is better than before, what do you need?” </p><p>“Water,” Harry says and Anne brings a cup to his lips and he drinks eagerly. </p><p>“Mum, what happened? Who were those boys in my room? I don’t know what’s going on,” Harry says. </p><p>Dread courses through Anne’s body, she calls for the nurse and looks at Harry.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning arrives and Louis and the rest of the boys show up to Harry’s room. Before they head in, they see the doctor examining Harry and Anne motions them to wait outside. Louis hears snatches of Harry’s voice and realizes he is awake. When he hears his name and then the other boys’ names, relief floods through his system. </p><p>Anne looks exhausted and she shuts the door, leaving the doctor and Harry alone. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” Louis immediately asks. </p><p>Anne puts her hand on Louis’ shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze and Louis stills himself for news he thinks he doesn’t want to hear. </p><p>“After you boys left yesterday, he woke up later with no recollection of who you were and why he was there. He started to become agitated and the doctor ran some more scans and found he has a brain bleed. They had to do another surgery last night and he just woke up,” Anne explains. </p><p>The boys stand there stunned and turn to look at Paul. </p><p>“You knew?” Louis asks when Paul will not make eye contact. </p><p>“You knew and you didn’t tell us?” Louis says louder. </p><p>Paul puts his hands up, “I did, but you boys couldn’t do anything. It was a short surgery, in and out and we thought it was better for you to rest and be able to help today.” </p><p>Zayn looks at Louis’ face and realizes he is really upset and decides the play the peacemaker. </p><p>“That makes sense and I realize we aren’t related by blood and it is not our decision, but could you keep us in the loop?” Zayn says softly. “I mean, he’s our mate, our brother and we love him, ya’ know?” </p><p>Zayn hears a sigh and looks up, and sees Anne looking at all the boys. </p><p>“Boys, we did what we thought was best and we knew we could tell you in the morning. If things went pear shaped, we were going to call you. There honestly was nothing you could do. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me, okay?” Paul explains. </p><p>Before the anyone could respond, the doctor comes out of Harry’s room and all seven look up trying to read his face. </p><p>Dr. Tarpley looks up and sees the anxious looks on their faces. “He is doing better, coherent and his cognitive functions are intact. The pain is also lessening so he should be able to stay awake longer. This was setback but is a known complication with head injuries. Harry will be fine; rest is the best thing for him at this point.”</p><p>There is notable relief among all of them and Liam looks to the doctor and motions his head towards Harry’s door. </p><p>“You may see him now if you would like,” Dr. Tarpley says. </p><p>That is all Liam needs to hear and he heads into Harry’s room quietly, not wanting to wake him, if he has fallen asleep. A nurse is checking Harry’s vitals and Harry is laying there, with some color in face with his eyes closed, but with the wrinkle between his eyes, Liam knows he not resting peacefully. </p><p>“I just administered pain relief, so he will be sleeping soon,” the nurse says. </p><p>At hearing her speaking, Harry opens his eyes and smiles slightly at seeing Liam. </p><p>“Hi, Li,” Harry says. </p><p>The vice that had been around Liam’s heart slowly starts to ease up and Liam walks to Harry’s bedside grabbing his hand. </p><p>“H, I’m so so sorry. If I had known . . . I would never hurt you,” Liam gets out before he feels Harry squeeze his hand. </p><p>“I don’t blame you, it’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault, just a freak accident. There is nothing to forgive, yeah?” Harry says. </p><p>Liam doesn’t notice the tears coming down his face, but Harry does and motions for Liam to come closer and Harry hugs Liam as well as he can. When Liam has his head on H’s shoulder, Harry whispers, “I could never blame you and you shouldn’t either. I love you, Li.” </p><p>That is how the other boys find them when they come in. Niall clears his throat and the two boys break away. No one comments on Liam’s red eyes, instead they are studying Harry. </p><p>“Hi guys,” Harry says. </p><p>“You look a lot better than the last time we saw you,” Zayn says.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess there was a little problem with swelling, nothing too bad,” Harry says trying to ease the tension in the room. </p><p>It works because Niall let’s out one of his trademark chuckle, and even Liam smiles. </p><p>“Ya, just a bit mate,” Louis says sheepishly. “You really scared us, but it’s good to have you back with us.”</p><p>“How are you feeling, really?” Zayn asks.</p><p>Harry shrugs and can’t control the wince that goes across his face. If the other boys notice, they don’t comment. “My head aches and I feel tired, but not tired. Like I woke from a really good sleep, but I want to sleep some more,” Harry says. </p><p>“You can, if you want. We’ll stay with you and take care of you when you wake up again,” Liam says quietly, keeping his hand on Harry’s arm. “You’ll tell us if you want to sleep, right?” </p><p>“Yeah, what have you all been doing?” Harry asks. </p><p>Niall guffaws again. “What the hell do you think we’ve been doing? Taking care of your sleeping ass, waiting to blow this joint. Thanks to you, we got to take a small vacay in Miami,” Niall says with a glint in his eye. </p><p>The other guys look at him and it must be his Irish charm because the tension is broken, and the boys start telling stories and explain what happened after Harry went down. </p><p>Harry is trying his best to listen; not sure how much time has gone by and feels so guilty that he caused so much trouble. He feels for the PA who made the mistake but doesn’t blame her at all. His mum had to fly in, the boys aren’t sleeping, Paul and the guards are exhausted, he assumes they had to cancel a concert, but he isn’t sure how much time has gone by. He feels Liam’s hand on his arm, and everything is becoming too much, too much. Harry feels his head ratchet up a notch and he is trying his hardest to take deep breaths. There is an annoying beeping that keeps getting faster the more he tries to control his breathing. </p><p>Liam looks down at Harry and Louis quickly rushes over to the other side of the bed and grabs his hand. </p><p>“Haz, what’s wrong. Are you okay?” Liam asks. </p><p>“H, take some deep breaths, come on, you can do it,” Louis says as he places Harry’s hand on his chest and tries to get Harry to mimic his breathing. Anxious moments go by and the other boys stand there watching and slowly Harry’s breathing slows down to match Louis’. </p><p>If Harry was feeling tired before, he is spent, and his head is really hurting. Louis notices he is with them again and asks softly, “H, what brought that on? Talk to us.”</p><p>“Um,” Harry tries to explain, but he is feeling drawn to close his eyes, but he owes the boys an explanation or at least he thinks he does. “Guilty,” Harry gets out before he closes his eyes and falls asleep. </p><p>“Guilty? Why would he say he feels guilty?” Niall asks what the other boys are thinking. Liam and Louis are still holding onto Harry, Liam a shade paler than before. Louis gently sets Harry’s hand down on top of his chest and leans over to squeeze Liam’s arm. </p><p>“It’s okay mate, he doesn’t blame you, it’s Harry, you know how he is,” Louis says trying to console Liam. </p><p>“Harry hates to put anyone out,” Zayn says. “He probably got in his own head.” </p><p>The boys nod and settle around the room and sitting watch, like they promised Harry they would. </p><p>When Harry awakes again his mum is there and its dark out. He looks over at her and sees Louis sleeping on the couch behind her. <br/>“Hi Mum,” he says. </p><p>Anne looks up and smiles. “Hi honey, how are you feeling?” She moves towards the bed and sits on the edge grabbing Harry’s hand. </p><p>“I feel like someone hit me in the head,” Harry responds.</p><p>Anne chuckles at that, “Well, that’s what happened.” She sits and studies his face looking for any sign of pain and rubs her hand down his arm. “Pain?”</p><p>“No, well, a little bit, where are the boys?” Harry asks.</p><p>“Louis has been sleeping since dinner, he doesn’t want to leave you. The others went with some of your guards back to the hotel to rest and they will be back tomorrow,” Anne tells him. </p><p>“How’s Liam doing?” Harry asks. </p><p>“He’s better, but he wants to see you back to normal. Are you hungry?”</p><p>Harry looks at his mum, she looks exhausted and Harry wonders how long she has been there. He doesn’t think he is hungry, but he is thirsty. He gently shakes his head no and he thinks he feels his brain jiggle in his head. He sucks in a breath and tightens his hands on the sheets, sucking in his breath. He immediately feels him mum squeeze his arm.</p><p>“Harry?” she asks, not masking her concern. </p><p>The sharp pain lessens, and he opens his eyes, not realizing he closed them. “I’m good, remind me not to shake my head. Can I have some water?” he asks. </p><p>Anne nods and leaves to get him some fresh water. Harry looks around his room, seeing that Louis he sees is awake, watching him. </p><p>“Hi,” he says. </p><p>“You need to come up with a better opening line,” Louis says, getting up and walking over to Harry. He studies him without saying anything and Harry squirms under his gaze, not sure what to do. </p><p>“You are still in pain, why didn’t you tell your mum?” Louis asks. </p><p>“I didn’t want to worry her. She looks so tired, she needs to sleep,” Harry says.</p><p>Louis huffs at that. “Mate, we are all worried and we are all exhausted. I think Paul is going to take her back to the hotel in a bit. She was hoping you would wake up again,” Louis explains. </p><p>Anne walks back in and give Harry the water cup. When he reaches for it, his arm is shaking, and he doesn’t hide the look of surprise that goes across his face. Louis leans forward and grabs the cup and brings it to Harry’s lips. No one says a word, but Harry hates how weak he feels. When he is done, he rests back and closes his eyes feeling tired. Not aware enough as to how long his eyes are closed. He opens them to tell his mum she needs to rest, when he does, he doesn’t see her; Louis is sitting in the chair next to his bed with his feet propped up on the bed watching the telly. </p><p>“Where’d mum go?” Harry asks. </p><p>Louis’ head pops up. “Haz, she left shortly after you fell asleep again. You got me, mate. Do you need anything?” Louis says quietly. </p><p>“How long did I sleep?” Harry asks as he tries to sit himself up, feeling very stiff. </p><p>Louis presses the control to raise his bed and helps Harry sit up, telling him, “You been out for a couple of hours. Are you hungry? The nurse says you could have something when you woke up.” </p><p>“Um, yeah, I am,” Harry replies quietly, willing his head to stop spinning.</p><p>Louis presses the nurse’s button and he watches Harry, grabbing the water, bringing it to his lips. Harry nods gratefully after taking a few long sips. </p><p>“You’re dizzy, aren’t you?” Louis asks. </p><p>“Yeah, just think sitting upright got me, I think,” Harry responds</p><p>The nurse comes in and sees Harry awake, smiling. “Hi, Mr. Styles, it’s nice to see you awake. How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Um, good, hungry. Little dizzy,” Harry says, not quite ready for full sentences. </p><p>“And the pain?” the nurse asks. </p><p>“Ah, it’s there, but not like before,” Harry replies. </p><p>“Good, good. Let’s get some broth in you and see how you do and then I will come take your vitals and give you some pain meds,” she says as she heads out of the room. </p><p>Louis is stands beside the bed, feeling unsure of himself, not sure what to say. Harry watches him fidgeting. </p><p>“Lou,” Harry says quietly. </p><p>Louis looks up sharply, “Yeah.”<br/>“Calm down, come sit with me,” Harry says. </p><p>Louis eyes the bed, not seeing where he would fit. Harry solves that for him and carefully slides over. Louis doesn’t miss the grimace that flares up on Harry’s face. </p><p>“Be careful, don’t move it will hurt you,” Louis says stepping up to help Harry. He sits down close to Harry’s hip. </p><p>There is awkward silence and Louis is watching Harry who starts to squirm under his gaze. Realizing Louis isn’t going to talk, Harry feels like he needs too. </p><p>“So, I know what put me here, but what happened since?” Harry asks. </p><p>Louis’ eyes widen and he rubs his hand on the back of his neck, “Well, um, what do you remember?” </p><p>“We were filming the video and Liam hit me over the head. Then I remember, pain, lots of pain,” Harry says frowning. </p><p>Louis takes a deep breath and starts to fill Harry in. His broth is delivered and Harry eyes it distastefully, but Louis encourages him to try it. He hasn’t eaten solid food in five days and his stomach may rebel. Harry finds that he likes it and slowly sips while Louis continues to talk. Harry asks questions and feels badly for causing so many problems. </p><p>He has finished his broth and he is starting to become sleepier as Louis gets him caught up. Harry doesn’t miss the fear in Louis’ voice when retells how Harry needed another surgery and when he couldn’t remember the boys. His ears perk up when he hears the PA was going to be fired. </p><p>“No, no, she can’t. Tell Ben no,” Harry says through clinched teeth, not liking how his head feels. </p><p>“Haz, don’t get upset, breath through the pain. Liam spoke with Ben and she didn’t get fired. She feels awful though, wants to properly apologize, but Liam told her he would pass it on,” Louis speaks quickly seeing that Harry is getting upset. </p><p>The crease between Harry’s brow starts to fade and Louis, without thinking, holds his hand and rubbing his other hand along Harry’s arm. </p><p>“That’s good, I don’t want that. Is anyone mad at me?” Harry asks.</p><p>“What?!? Why would you ask that?” Louis asks looking at Harry with a frown. </p><p>Harry looks down, not meeting Louis’ eyes and mumbles, “’cuz the video shoot, the canceled concerts, our fishing trip . . .” Harry trails off. </p><p>Louis feels his heart break. He takes a finger and lifts up Harry’s head so he can see his eyes. “Oh Luv, no, no one is mad at you. This is not your fault. We were scared we were going to lose you. It was close there for a moment. I was the one that had to give consent for the surgery. I was so scared that if something happened, it would be my fault. We sat around waiting for you to wake up and when you did, you didn’t know us. It was frightening to see you in so much pain and not to see the recognition in your eyes. I don’t ever want you to look at us that way again.” </p><p>Harry takes in everything Louis says and holds up arms and that is all the sign Louis needs before he moves into them. They grasp onto each other and squeeze tight. </p><p>When the nurse comes in later to take Harry’s vitals, she smiles when she sees both boys sound asleep. She grabs a blanket and pulls it over Louis and turns off the lights leaving them be.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two days go by and the ever-revolving door of visitors never stops. Harry can stay awake longer and longer and his head, although a constant throbbing, is not hurting as much as before. He no longer has an IV and is taking oral pain killers. </p><p>One afternoon while Harry is resting after his PT, Dr. Tarpley starts discussing Harry’s release with Paul and Anne. It is too soon for a concert; his head needs to heal and he can’t fly home because of the air pressure. It could cause him to have swelling or develop a clot. Zayn and Niall are there when they are discussing this, and Niall visibly pales upon hearing this news. Paul and Anne don’t want to stay in Miami, but don’t know what choice they will have. It’s Zayn who comes up with a solution. </p><p>“Why don’t we take the tour bus somewhere and he can rest there. Can’t management rent us a house or condo until he can perform again, or we can fly home?” Zayn asks. </p><p>“That’s not a bad idea, I know you all are recording the album. Dr. Tarpley, if Harry feels up to it, can he sing?” Paul asks. </p><p>“Yes, he can, but I don’t want him over-exerting himself or moving around a lot. Also, take cues from him. He will need to advocate for how he is feeling and what he feels like doing,” Dr. Tarpley explains. “But watch his body language. If he squints his eyes, it may be too bright. Shaking his head, could mean that he is confused or is having a hard time with his recall, if you see him press his temples, he is in pain and should probably take a break. No rough housing, wrestling or physical activity for another two to three weeks as well.”</p><p>Everyone nods and Zayn starts taking notes on his phone. </p><p>“What if we rent a big house somewhere in the country, where he can relax, and we can set up a recording studio?” Paul asks. </p><p>“Um, not to state the obvious, but why don’t we ask Harry what he wants to do? Although I like that idea,” Niall says. </p><p>Anne looks at him and smiles. She puts her arm around him, “I like how you think, it really should be Harry’s decision,” she said. “But I like Paul’s idea.”</p><p>Later that afternoon, Harry is still resting when Louis and Liam visit the hospital and they are filled in on the possible plan. Both like the idea and could use with a rest as well. Liam starts thinking more about logistics and asks if they can make it more into a band retreat and recording session and Harry can recover without guilt as well. They need a place that has everything. He shares his thoughts with Louis and they both go and talk to Paul when Niall and Zayn head back to the house. </p><p>Harry wakes up before dinner but doesn’t open his eyes. He stretches and feels great, already wondering what time the concert starts that night. Rolling over, he reaches for the other pillow on his bed to try to catch some more sleep since he hadn’t heard an alarm or been interrupted. He is surprised when he feels something hard and feels along the rail, trying to place why it is there. He opens his eyes confused when he sees an unfamiliar wall and a machine with his vitals being displayed. Harry starts to panic and quickly sits up in bed, looking around the room for anything familiar and doesn’t find anything at all. Panic fills him feeling like he is in a scary horror movie.</p><p>The beeping starts to increase, but Harry’s mind is disconnected from it being connected to him. He grabs at the wires and pulls the leads from his chest as he pushes himself over the rails to try to escape. The instant he puts weight on his legs, they collapse under him. An anguished groan escapes him, and he tries to calm down to look for help. His head starts to throb, he shakes it to clear his mind. “Focus Harry, you can do it,” he tells himself. </p><p>After taking a deep breath, finding it painful, he starts to pull himself up, concentrating putting his legs under him to support himself. He is sweating a lot and the gown is sticking to him. He doesn’t hear the door open, but his head snaps up when he hears his name. </p><p>After hearing the alarms becoming louder as he walks down the hall, Louis quickly realizes it is coming from Harry’s room. He rushes in, banging the door against the wall. Louis sees Harry on the side of the bed, sweating and pale, breathing hard. </p><p>“Harry!” he yells, immediately freezing at the sight of Harry out of bed. </p><p>Harry’s head pops up and he see Louis, knowing he will help him. He lets go of the bed to walk toward him, to safety, to comfort, to end his nightmare. </p><p>Louis sees Harry reach for him and watches as Harry’s legs give out. Louis rushes to catch Harry and manages to catch his head with his arm before it can smack the ground. </p><p>Harry knows he is falling and braces himself for the pain, he shuts his eyes as if moving in slow motion and only lets out a strangled noise when the air is knocked out of him when his chest hits the ground and he feels muted pain when his head hits something soft. After his head bounces once, it settles and Harry lays there with his eyes closed trying to fill his lungs with air, but not having much luck. </p><p>Louis has a boneless Harry halfway in his arms and halfway on the floor. He is stunned for a moment and knows he is way out of his element. He starts yelling for help when he hears Harry trying to catch his breath. In between yells, he has pulled Harry up between his legs and Harry’s back is against Louis’ chest with his head leaning back on Louis’ shoulder.</p><p>“Breathe love, you can do it, match your breathing with mine,” Louis says. </p><p>Harry knows he is in Louis’ arms, but any noise sounds like it is coming through a filter and his eyes feel so heavy. He is trying to open them but can’t muster the energy to focus on more than one thing. Harry thinks Louis is yelling, but he doesn’t know why. Then he feels more hands on him and he immediately struggles trying to fight them but has no energy to lift his limbs. Harry thinks he is on his bed again and something cool is over his mouth, he focuses on breathing, sucking in the fresh air. He thinks he lifts up his arm and tries to say Lou’s name, not sure if he is successful, but he feels a hand grab his and then another one pushing his hair back on his forehead. Harry leans into it and starts to feel himself relax, recognizing Lou’s smell. He can finally take in deep breaths and starts to calm down. Harry hears people moving around him, but he still can’t bring himself to open his eyes and feeling so tired, he lets himself sink into oblivion. </p><p>Louis watches Harry’s face and knows when Harry has lost consciousness when the grip loosens in his hand. He still holds it and pushes Harry’s hair off his face still whispering nonsense, now to reassure himself, feeling nothing but adrenaline rush through his body. Nurses are flitting around Harry and the doctor is examining him and Louis watches closely. </p><p>The door opens and Liam, Anne and Paul come in and stop taking in the scene before him. A nurse asks them to wait outside and Liam makes eye contact with Louis, wondering why he can stay. They wait anxiously in the hall, looking up when Louis comes out, looking exhausted. </p><p>“What happened?” Anne asks. </p><p>Louis fills him in on what he knows and tells them that the doctor said Harry was sleeping now, not unconscious and would probably be sleeping for a bit. </p><p>Dr. Tarpley comes out and looks right at Louis, “You saved your friend by catching his head. If he had hit it the floor, we would be in surgery right now and the outcome would be different.” </p><p>Louis nods, knowing that he almost missed and the rest look at him because he didn’t tell them that part. </p><p>“How is he?” Anne asks the doctor. </p><p>“He is resting, blood pressure is a little high. We don’t know why he was out of bed, but we suspect he may have been disoriented and got up without thinking. He will probably be out until tomorrow, but we will monitor him more closely now that we know he can climb out of bed,” Dr. Tarpley explains. </p><p>Liam and Louis exchanged a glance, “I will stay with him tonight,” Liam says. No one is surprised by that, but Dr. Tarpley agrees. </p><p>“That would be good, seeing a friendly face may keep this from happening again,” Dr. Tarpley says. </p><p>The group eats dinner in Harry’s room, wishfully thinking he may wake up. There is no movement, but Liam promises he will text them if Harry does and settles in for a vigil.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Harry wakes again, he feels a bit of fear in the pit of his stomach and then he looks over and sees Liam sleeping with his head resting his arms on the bed. Feeling comforted, he remembers why he is in the hospital and he wants Liam awake to comfort him.  </p><p>“Li, Li, wake up,” Harry says as he jostles Liam.</p><p>Liam blinks his eyes and is disoriented for a few and then sees Harry smiling at him. </p><p>“Harry,” he all but shouts. </p><p>Harry winces at the loud noise, “Hey, keep it down.” </p><p>“Sorry, but you scared us mate,” Liam says.</p><p>“Yeah, I know, I have a freakin’ concussion,” Harry says.</p><p>“No, you were out of bed and having a panic attack. Louis caught you before you hit your head again. Don’t you remember?” Liam asks. </p><p>Harry thinks, but doesn’t recall anything. His brow furrowed, he shakes his head, “I guess, I don’t . . .” he trails off. </p><p>“Gave us all a right scare, you did. Been asleep since then,” Liam said. “Doc said it was normal, but still scary.” </p><p>Feeling awful, Harry does what he does best, he apologizes. Liam doesn’t want to hear it, but that doesn’t make Harry feel better. He just wants to go home and get back to touring, get back to normal. He says as much to Liam. </p><p>“Oh mate, you aren’t ready yet. The doctor said you need some more time to recover. In fact, we kind of had an idea about that, but we wanted your opinion. You can’t fly, yet so . . .”</p><p>“What, why?” Harry interrupts. </p><p>Liam scratches the back of his head, not sure how to break the news to Harry. “Well, your brain hasn’t fully healed and if you fly, the pressure could cause an aneurysm and that would be bad,” Liam softly says. </p><p>“Oh,” Harry says quietly, reaching up to touch his head, tenderly feeling the stitches. “What are we going to do?”</p><p>“Well, Zayn thought we should rent a place where you can heal and we could record, write, hang out. Just relax and you can recover. Someplace we could travel on our bus. The doctor says it could take up to two months, so we thought it would be fun to have a retreat. What do you say?” </p><p>Harry thinks about it and likes the idea. “But what about the fans, the tour?” He asks. </p><p>“They know Haz, all of them have blown up social media wishing you a quick recovery. So many gifts have come in and we donated them to the children’s wing and have kept some from your close friends. They are waiting for you at the house to read when you are better except Niall may or may not have eaten all the chocolate,” Liam says with a smile. </p><p>He laughs at that, only imagining that is what happened. “Where are we going?”</p><p>“We thought you could choose,” Liam says. “Do you know a place you want to go, somewhere that we could drive too?”</p><p>“Umm, can I think about it?” Harry asks. </p><p>“Of course,” Liam says. </p><p>He studies Harry closely and sees he has some color in his cheeks and realizes that they had a very coherent conversation. When Harry asks him to help him go to the loo, Liam doesn’t hesitate and even though he is taking most of Harry’s weight, neither boy comments. </p><p>Harry stays awake for breakfast and the doctor’s rounds. Dr. Tarpley is pleased with what he sees and thinks that Harry will be discharged in the next couple of days, but says he needs to walk around and get his body moving, PT is only the start. </p><p>Around ten, the boys and Harry’s mum come in and Zayn tosses him a beanie which he gratefully puts on. Harry hasn’t looked in the mirror yet, but he knows that part of his hair is shaved, and he has stitches. Seeing him awake and coherent brings a smile to everyone’s face as Liam fills them in about their early morning conversation. </p><p>No one brings up the accident and they all sit and talk keeping Harry occupied until he asks if he can walk again. Niall sitting closest to Harry, volunteers to take him and after they have him throw on a jumper over his hospital gown and put on some slippers, they get started. Harry hates how he feels like a wobbly baby bird, but he wants out of the hospital. </p><p>Niall is very patient, keeping up a steady stream of commentary as Harry walks around the hallway, gripping the hallway railing with one hand and then holding Niall’s arm. He has to rest a few times when dizziness hits him, but Niall keeps on talking for which Harry is thankful. One they have taken one lap, Harry starts for a second and Niall looks at him, seeing his pale face and beads of sweat at his hair line, he quietly guides Harry back to his room where the boys, Anne and Paul have been talking. </p><p>“How did you do honey?” Anne asks. </p><p>Harry is exhausted, but a good exhausted, not from pain, but he can only make a hmph sound. Niall helps him out, “Not too bad, little wobbly, wanted to go again, but I told him I was hungry, so we headed back,” Niall says. Harry gives Niall a grateful wink. </p><p>Once Harry is settled back in bed, Zayn hands him water and he leans back drinking. Conversation is going on around him and without paying attention he says, “Vermont.”</p><p>Everyone keeps talking, but Zayn, closest to Harry looks at him, not sure if he is awake or not. “H, did you say something?” he asks, and the others looks up stopping their conversation.  </p><p>“Vermont, I want to go to Vermont,” Harry says, opening his eyes to look at everyone. </p><p>They all stare at him, not sure if he is aware of what is going on. Anne walks over to him, <br/>“Honey, did you say something?” Anne asks. </p><p>Harry looks around making eye contact with Liam, “You told me I could choose a place to go to recover and we could have a boys’ retreat and record. I want to go to Vermont. We missed our fishing trip, but we could fish up. Can we?”</p><p>Louis had to look down and smile because Harry looked so pathetic looking at all of them with such hope. He knew what he was doing, but Louis wasn’t going to call him out on it. Frankly, Louis would go wherever made Harry happy. </p><p>They all look at Paul and Louis says, “Paul, could you make it happen, find us a right place to stay for a bit. Something secluded, away from the city where Harry can recover, and we can record, get pissed, the lot of it?”</p><p>Paul looks at everyone and then Anne, it is her child after all and when she nods, Paul nods as well, “Let me call management and see what I can do. But you will have me, the other guards there as well. This isn’t a frat party and I don’t want any funny business, understood?” He tries to be gruff, but it is more for Anne’s sake than anyone else’s. The boys know he would do just about anything for him and they look down trying to hide their smile. </p><p>Zayn looks at Harry, who looks about ready to fall over. “Thank you, Paul,” Harry says with a smile and he closes his eyes. Zayn watches him fall asleep and smiles himself as he rubs Harry’s arm and brings up the blanket to cover him. </p><p>Paul clears his throat, “Well, it looks like I have some work to do. I’ll leave you to it. Paddy and Alberto are outside if you need anything.” </p><p>Once Paul has left, the boys settle in and Anne sits next to Harry, reassuring herself that he is finally on the mend. Harry sleeps through lunch and wakes right before dinner. He is still on soup and popsicles, and the boys send out for sandwiches. Harry does another lap and showers with their help. By the time he finally is back in bed, he feels like he has run a marathon, but he is in good spirits. No one has asked him how he is feeling, for that he is appreciative. His head aches, but nothing like before. Harry wishes he could stay awake longer, but he has done more today than before. </p><p>Zayn decided to stay with Harry tonight even though Harry says he doesn’t have to, but after the last time Harry woke up and no one was there, the boys decided someone would always be there. Everyone heads out saying their goodbyes and his mum tucks him in, kissing his forehead. </p><p>When she leaves Zayn turns to him with a smirk. </p><p>“Leave me alone, I’m injured,” Harry says turning red. </p><p>Zayn puts his hands up, “I didn’t say anything, I didn’t see anything.” </p><p>“Umm, hmm, I bet,” Harry replies.</p><p>“Okay, so no one has said it, but how is your pain?” Zayn asks. </p><p>“It’s there, but it is not spiking like it has been, but it doesn’t feel great either,” Harry answers. </p><p>“You haven’t been on pain meds today, so that’s good at least, wonder if a couple of pills would help that?” Zayn asks. “Want me to get the nurse and ask?”<br/>Harry nods and he is feeling the day. He loves having everyone with him, but he feels like it is a bit chaotic lately. The nurse comes in and takes his vitals, giving him two pills and Zayn hands him his water. </p><p>“What do you want to do then?” Zayn asks. </p><p>“TV?” Harry responds. </p><p>Zayn knows Harry isn’t going to be awake much longer, but he settles on a cooking show and pulls up the chair next to Harry’s bed. He reaches for his hand, smiling when Harry squeezes it and Zayn squeezes back. At the commercial, Zayn looks up after noticing Harry’s hand has gone slack and sees that Harry is out. Knowing he is probably out for the night; Zayn stands up and adjusts Harry’s covers and moves to adjust his beanie. Taking in his mate, he thinks how lucky they are, a world where Harry is not in it, is not a world that Zayn wants to be in. He squeezes Harry’s hand again and whispers, “Love you, mate,” before he walks outside to see who the guard is and invites Alberto in to join him watching footie on the telly.</p><p>When Harry wakes up the next day, Zayn is gone, and he needs to wee. He stretches and feels better, so he carefully climbs out of bed, maneuvering over the rails and stands up slowly, checking himself. He doesn’t feel dizzy and his legs are a bit wobbly, but nothing he can’t handle. He eyes the toilet and thinks he can go along the end of the bed to the wall and hold onto the rail to the bathroom. It is slow progress because he doesn’t want to fall, but he manages it and sits down on the loo, hating he can’t stand up yet. </p><p>After he does his business, he sits and rests for a minute before he goes to the sink. While he washes his hands, he looks up and inhales sharply when he sees his face. It doesn’t look like him, he is pale, losing his tan, his eyes look sunk in and have circles underneath and he looks ill. Harry resigns himself that these are all things that can be fixed. He hasn’t seen his head yet and he wants too, but doesn’t know if he is ready, but he is alone and figures he should get it out of the way.  </p><p>Harry steals himself for what he is going to see and carefully pulls off his beanie. At first, he doesn’t see it and then he put his head down and sees the awful cut and stitches on his head. It doesn’t look as bad as he thought it would, which is a relief and fuzz is already starting to grow, but it sure doesn’t look pretty. It looks like beanies will be his fashion staple for a bit. Harry puts his beanie back on and bends down to splash some water on his face. He stands up without thinking and he feels the telltale signs knowing he is going to black out. His first thought is to protect his head; he leans back against the wall and slowly slides down, landing on his bum, jarring himself. He feels his head spike for a moment and then everything turns fuzzy and Harry blacks out. </p><p>“Yeah, he did really well. We talked a bit and he slept through the night. Took some pain pills, but it was his first for the day,” Zayn said, filling in the boys as he went down to meet them. They are walking towards Harry’s room in a good mood, finally feeling like they turned the corner and Harry could be released soon. </p><p>When they get to Harry’s room, Zayn pushes the door open and looks to the bed. He stops abruptly and the other boys bump into him, causing him to have to catch himself. He feels a strong arm grab him before he falls over and once he is right again, he calls out for Harry. </p><p>“Where is he?” Niall asks. </p><p>“He was here when I left to go down and see you, he can’t be far,” Zayn says looking around the room, finding it the same way he left it. </p><p>Louis turns around and heads out, telling Alberto that Harry is gone and he goes to get the nurse. </p><p>“Have you seen Harry?” he asks when he finds her. </p><p>“No, he was in his room when I last checked his vitals,” she supplies. </p><p>“Well, he is not there now,” Louis says. </p><p>“What? That can’t be. Nobody has been in or out except Zayn,” she says as they walk to Harry’s room. </p><p>They find the boys standing there, lost and Zayn keeps looking around the bed as if Harry will magically reappear. </p><p>Then they hear a faint, “Ugh, fuck me,” and instantly recognizes Harry’s voice coming from the bathroom. </p><p>Niall is closest and runs in there, he falls to his knees, “Harry, can ya’ hear me?” </p><p>“Let me through,” the nurse says, and the boys move out of the way, Niall jumps to the other side. </p><p>Harry is sitting against the wall with his hand on his head which is slumped on his chest. </p><p>“Harry, what’s wrong?” Niall asks again grabbing Harry’s hand to give it a squeeze. </p><p>The nurse immediately checks Harry’s pulse and lifts up his head to check his eyes. </p><p>“Mr. Styles, can you tell me what happened?” </p><p>Harry’s head is killing him, but he knows Niall is worried, so he tries to give him a reassuring squeeze. When he came too, he didn’t know how much time had gone by, but his head was killing him, and he didn’t think he could get off the floor by himself. Hence his cussing. </p><p>He looks at the nurse with squinty eyes, “I had to use the loo, got dizzy, felt it happening and sat down on the floor so I wouldn’t hurt my head.”</p><p>“Okay, you did good Mr. Styles. You didn’t fall?” the nurse asks. </p><p>“No.” </p><p>“Does anything hurt?” </p><p>“My head is really hurting, more than last night,” Harry replies looking up at Niall trying to reassure him, but he can’t hide the pain on his face. </p><p>Niall feels for Harry and rubs his arm, trying to offer a bit of comfort. </p><p>“Harry, are you okay to move, get you off the ground? Niall here can help me and we can move you to the bed. I want to check your vitals; can we do that?” The nurse asks. </p><p>“Yeah, I think so,” Harry replies. </p><p>The nurse moves out of the way and sees Alberto. “Sir, can you help us?” she asks. </p><p>Alberto comes over and bends down and scoops Harry up gently. Niall making sure his head doesn’t bang against the wall, leaning it gently against Alberto’s chest. </p><p>“Here you go, mate, I got ya’. Let’s get you back in bed, okay?” Alberto says. </p><p>Harry just hums and keeps his eyes closed. He feels himself be lowered down into his bed and he thinks he should be embarrassed, but he isn’t. He is safe, with people who love him, and he wants the pain to stop. </p><p>“Okay, now Harry, we need to run some quick tests and let me get your blood pressure and temperature,” the nurse says, narrating what she does. </p><p>She moves around Harry’s bed and he lets her, concentrating on his breathing to work through the pain. He was fine until he leaned down, if he only knew this is what would happened, he wouldn’t have done it. The next thing he knows, she is coaxing him to open his eyes, which Harry does begrudgingly because it is bright in his room.</p><p>“I’m going to shine a light in your eyes, just to make sure you didn’t hit your head,” the nurse explains. </p><p>Before Harry can tell her that he didn’t, he feels knives puncture his brain and he is throwing up over the side of the bed. When he is finished, he leans back and feels a straw on his lips and he drinks, trying to get the taste out of his mouth. A wet flannel washes his face and he mutters, “I told you I didn’t hit my head, now can I have something for the pain?” </p><p>The boys watched as Harry was placed on the bed, concerned looks on their faces after the shot of fear they had from finding Harry on the ground. They winced when he vomited and had to hide their laughs when Harry rightly put the nurse in her place. Usually so polite, they knew Harry had reached his breaking point. </p><p>“I will go find the doctor and we will get you some pills,” the nurse replies and she leaves. </p><p>The boys crowd around, all eager to reassure themselves that he is in fact okay. Harry feels them touch his legs and hands. He squeezes, not knowing who is who, but he wants them to know he is okay. </p><p>“Harry, I just left for a minute, you can’t go and do that without anyone here, okay?” Zayn says. </p><p>Harry knows this, but he is in no mood. Before he can say anything, he hears Liam, “Save it for later, Zayn, let him rest.” </p><p>He knows they are talking over his head, but he doesn’t care and eventually he drifts off to sleep knowing he is safe.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two days later and Harry has improved, so much so, the doctor said that he can be discharged the next day. After a CT scan that morning, his skull is healing and there is no swelling on the brain. Physically, he is where he needs to be, mentally, Harry feels like he should be 100% and can go out and sing right away. That is the conversation Paul hears as he walks in to tell Harry the good news. </p><p>“But I feel fine, sure, I have to take a nap, but I can perform, I don’t see why we have to postpone anything,” Harry pleads. </p><p>“To completely fulfill my role as ‘Daddy Direction,’ you may feel fine, but you don’t have the stamina or endurance to make it through a show. Besides, you are so clumsy, what if you fall and we aren’t there to catch you and you hit your head again? There are just too many things that could happen,” Liam says.</p><p>“What if a fan throws something at you and it gets your head? What then?” Niall adds. </p><p>“Haz, I know you want to, but the doctor is right, you need some more time. You are only two weeks out and this is serious. Your skull has not grown back, and your brain is exposed. Think of it like a baby’s soft spot, you have a teenage soft spot and if something hits that, it’s lights out for you, literally,” Zayn explains. </p><p>Harry hears what everyone is saying, but he doesn’t like it, not at all. Zayn’s explanation makes the most sense to him, he feels like he can argue the other boys. His face must show what he is thinking because Louis is in the corner watching him. He nods when Paul comes in and the two oldest in the room listen to what is being said. Finally, Louis pushes off the wall and walks towards Harry’s bed.</p><p>“Alright, enough. Harry let’s get up and walk. It’s time anyway,” Louis says. </p><p>Harry quickly looks up for the change of direction and the conversation ending so abruptly. </p><p>“So, ya’ think your fine then?” Louis asks. </p><p>Harry nods gingerly, not willing to give and knowing if he shakes his head too hard it will hurt. </p><p>“Okay, bend down to put on your shoes, we are going to walk outside today,” Louis directs him. </p><p>The other boys look at him, Zayn’s brow furrowed. They have been helping Harry with things like this, he doesn’t like that Louis is having Harry do it himself. He goes to say as much when Louis catches Zayn looking at him and he shakes his head. </p><p>Harry, on the other hand, doesn’t realize he is being watched and simply bends down to tie up his trainers. When he stands up, ready to go out, he looks at Louis and then he can’t see him. He hears a rushing noise in his ears, and he sees white. Harry blinks to clear his eyesight and then feels hands on him, applying pressure. He doesn’t like and tries to fight it, but he can’t lift his arms. He thinks he is standing, but for some reason he is not so sure. </p><p>Then Harry feels someone rubbing his arm and another person squeezing his hand. Then he hears Louis softly say his name. </p><p>“H, you with us, come on open those green eyes, we want to see them,” Louis says. </p><p>Harry’s eyes flutter open and he sees five guys leaning over him all looking a bit piqued. Not sure what happened, he sits up and then they all start talking and pushing him back down at once. </p><p>“Why? What happened?” Harry asks. </p><p>“Ya’ fainted when you were tying your shoes, gave us a right scare,” Niall says. </p><p>Harry scrunches up his face, not even remembering it. He remembers tying his shoes, but that is it. </p><p>“How long was I out?” He asks. </p><p>“Not long, maybe five minutes, but you proved our point. You’re not ready to go on stage if you can’t even bend down and tie your shoes,” Louis says, not hiding the satisfied grin on his face. </p><p>Harry feels rightfully ashamed, but instead of admitting it, he looks at Louis, “you’re a dick,” he says, but the heat behind his words is lacking. </p><p>Louis just huffs, “Well, your stubborn ass wasn’t going to listen to reason, so I let your body make the decision for you.” </p><p>“Help me up,” Harry says, and the guys help him. Now that he is sitting, he closes his eyes for a few seconds making sure he doesn’t feel dizzy and then goes to slide off the bed. No one says anything, but Zayn and Louis are ready in case Harry needs them. </p><p>When Harry is standing, he looks at everyone with a bit of self-satisfied smile on his face and says, “Well, are you going to take me out or not?” and he walks out the door, thanking the powers from above that he did not face plant. </p><p>The boys exchange glances, smiling, not surprised at all with the turn of events. Paul is laughing and looks at them, “Well, go. Go catch up with him. You did this to yourself,” he says pushing them out the door to follow Harry. </p><p>Zayn hangs back, knowing he is not needed, wanting to speak with Paul. </p><p>The next day finds Zayn helping Harry dress and pack up. Arrangements have been made and the bus is waiting outside the hospital to take the band to the place management rented in Vermont. Anne will be joining them and helping Harry settle before she has to head back home. </p><p>Zayn watches Harry closely and sees him wince a few times as he moves around. </p><p>“How’s your head?” Zayn asks. </p><p>“It hurts, not as bad as before, but it likes to remind me that it’s still attached,” Harry answers. </p><p>“Well, for awhile, we didn’t think it was so let’s be thankful for small favors,” Zayn says.</p><p>Harry huffs at that and knows that all the boys were worried about him and he feels guilty because he never wants to be the one to be the problem. He knows the accident was not his fault, but he still, it doesn’t help when his thoughts get the better of him. </p><p>He sighs again and then narrows his eyes at Zayn when the nurse pushes in a wheelchair. </p><p>“Alright, Mr. Styles, let’s have you sign some papers and you can go home,” the nurse says.</p><p>“I’m not riding in that, no way,” Harry emphatically says with a stern expression on his face. </p><p>“Those the rules Mr. Styles, if you want to leave, this is how you are doing it,” the nurse replies. </p><p>Harry turns to Zayn, his expression showing frustration communicating with a look. </p><p>“Um, what if we let him walk and I will push the wheelchair right behind him? Please, he has been walking the floor. He should be fine,” Zayn asks.  </p><p>The nurse thinks for a minute and both boys watch expectantly, seeing her process Zayn’s request. “I suppose that is alright, but the moment you feel dizzy, you WILL sit down,” she says. </p><p>Harry and Zayn exchange a glance, knowing they won, although Zayn doesn’t know if it is a win, but he wants to make Harry happy. The boys receive the rest of the discharge instructions and Harry signs his name faster than ever before and starts to head out the door with a “thank you” tossed over his shoulder. Paul already taking the rest of his belongings to the bus. </p><p>Zayn raises his eyebrows at the nurse and thanks her and follows his bandmate. They make it to the elevator, Zayn watching Harry closely. Always at the ready in case and as soon as the elevator starts moving Zayn sees Harry’s eyes roll. Zayn reaches out to catch him immediately and places him in the wheelchair. When the doors open, Zayn is kneeling in front of Harry and has his hands on either side of his face. </p><p>“Harry, you with me, mate?” Zayn asks.</p><p>Harry nods, because that is all he is capable of at the moment, still feeling like the room is spinning. Zayn is satisfied and starts pushing Harry out of the elevator to the waiting tour bus with Anne, the boys and Paul. They have been able to keep the discharge a secret and they are leaving from the employee’s entrance in the back of the building. Zayn sees Paul and lets him take the lead pushing Harry while Zayn walks next to him, squeezing his shoulder, not knowing if he is reassuring himself or Harry. He also tells Paul what just happened. </p><p>Before he knows it, Harry is at the bus and Louis and Zayn are on either side of him helping him up the steps into their bus. He feels a bit unsteady from the elevator and his eyes can’t really focus on anything. He doesn’t say much but is thankful for the strong arms on either side of him. They really are holding him up. </p><p>“Where do you want to sit, Harry?” someone asks. Harry isn’t sure who, but he doesn’t really care. He just wants to sit. Harry has walked longer than this, so he doesn’t know why he is so tired. He thinks it may be the excitement of finally getting out of the hospital. His head is hurting again too, almost like pulse points right under where he was hit, so he closes his eyes. Before he knows it, he is being laid down and his feet are being brought up as he is reclined on the couch. Then he feels a blanket being dropped over him and a comforting smell that he equates with his mum engulfs him as he feels a kiss on his forehead and a quiet, “Go to sleep honey, we’ll be here when you wake up.” And that is what Harry does. </p><p>What Harry doesn’t know is six people are looking down at him with looks of concern. </p><p>“Do you think he is being let out too soon?” Louis asks. </p><p>No one answers, but Zayn offers, “he was fine and walking on his own until we got to the elevator. Then he became really dizzy and sat down in the wheelchair, been disoriented since we got out of the elevator and I met Paul.”</p><p>“That makes sense, elevators are known to induce vertigo and with a head injury, I’m not surprised. Let’s leave him be and see how he is when he wakes up,” Anne says. </p><p>“Should he fall asleep so soon?” Niall asks.</p><p>“It’s how he heals. If he asleep, he is not in pain,” Anne responds. </p><p>“Well, I don’t like it. I think I’m going to set up right here and keep an eye on him,” Louis says, and no one remarks on it, but they know Louis is worried. The other boys settle down around Harry and Anne heads to the kitchenette to make some dinner. </p><p>With that, Paul tells the driver to get going as they head towards Vermont. The plan is for them to drive straight through with stops to eat and change drivers. They are all worried about Harry being on the road for so long and they can make it to Vermont in three days, if they are lucky. Paul has already made all the arrangements and their other guards will meet them there, along with a nurse and a doctor who will be on call. He also thought to hire a chef and let the boys focus on Harry’s recovery. He looks down at the boy he loves like a son and doesn’t like the dark circles and the fact that his face is scrunched up in pain, but hopefully with time and his five mother hens, Harry will heal. </p><p>It has been a long 11 days, and everyone is ready to put Miami in their rearview mirror.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry is so excited to be out of the hospital that he can’t sit still. The only problem – everyone is making him stay still or at least stay in one place. This could be because after he woke up from his nap, he needed to wee and went to do so. He stretched and was looking out the window, enjoying that he was not hooked up any monitors, then a wave of dizziness came over him and he stumbled. </p><p>Louis was carefully watching Harry but didn’t want to smother him. He also noticed that Zayn and Anne were also watching him stretch and look out the bus window, but when he started to fall, Louis was up and out of his seat immediately. </p><p>“Woah! I got you, Haz,” Louis says, but he sees that Harry is out of it. He carefully helps him sit down, Anne and Zayn already behind him. </p><p>“Harry, honey. Are you with us?” Anne asks, touching her palm to Harry’s face. </p><p>Harry feels a cool palm on his face, but he can only hear a rushing noise, his eyes closed. He takes a deep breath trying to make the dizziness go away and when he feels it dissipate, he slowly opens his eyes, seeing his mum and Zayn and feels Louis’ arm around him. </p><p>He takes another deep breath, “Well, that was fun. Note to self, don’t look out the window while standing,” Harry says. </p><p>They all chuckle at that and Harry is relieved to see the lines on their faces even out. </p><p>“So, I really need to wee now, if you will excuse me,” he says. </p><p>He doesn’t comment when Louis and Zayn follow him to the little bathroom, and he hears his mum pulling down the curtains on the bus windows. After that little mishap, everything goes smoothly for the next couple of days. Of course, there is always the constant ache in his head, but it is manageable. </p><p>Occasionally, he will feel a sharp pain, almost as though someone is shoving a knife in his head. Those are the times that he can’t help it, he lets out a groan or has a quick intake of breath as he wills his head to ease, closing his eyes tight, waiting for it to pass. He focuses on his breathing then and waits for it is to lessen. When he opens his eyes again, it is always to the anxious faces of whoever he is with watching him. Harry tries to smile because nodding his head is out of the question, trying to reassure them that he is okay. Those are the times that he asks for his pain pills and a nap follows shortly after. </p><p>He wakes up in different places, but never alone. Typically, a blanket is covering him, and he is laying on someone’s lap. Harry is never irritated by this, more so thankful that he has so many good people looking out for him. It helps settle him because he has yet to wake up where he isn’t disoriented and unsettled finding it takes a moment for everything to come back to him. Once he settles himself, he usually finds one of the boys looking down at him, smiling and asking if he is good. </p><p>Harry appreciates it so much because it grounds him. He just doesn’t know how to express it yet. He really hasn’t been talking much, preferring to listen to the banter going on around him. He hasn’t been up to playing video games either, also preferring to watch so he can look away when it starts to hurt his head. Movies aren’t much better. He mostly agrees and then directs his eyes somewhere else or just closes them altogether and listens. Typically, he falls asleep shortly after that, but no one comments. Harry would like to think no one will notice, but he knows that is not true. </p><p>Anne and Paul are two who have noticed everything, watching him like two parents would. Dr. Tarpley had told them that Harry would be sensitive to light, loud noises and video games and movies have both of those. They noticed that is usually when Harry has the most pain or when he moves his head too fast or it has been too long between his naps. The other worrying factor is he is not talking, he is aware of what is going on, but is content to listen and smile, reacting but not engaging. Looking at everything, Anne decides to call Dr. Tarpley for reassurance. Paul and Anne call when the boys are off the bus at a park they stopped at for some fresh air and exercise. Harry doesn’t really walk much on the bus, the movement affecting him, so Paul quickly found places for them to stop on their route. </p><p>When Dr. Tarpley picks up, Anne and Paul share their concerns and observations and Dr. Tarpley is quick to reassure them that what they are seeing is completely normal at this point in Harry’s recovery and he sees no cause for concern. He inquired how often he was taking the pain pills and suggested they cut it down to one pill at a time and see how he does. After reassurances once again, they ring off and look at each other feeling relieved. </p><p>It is after dinner on the third day when the bus finally pulls up to the cabin that management rented indefinitely. The lights are on and everyone, sans Harry who is asleep in his bunk, are looking out the window. </p><p>“It’s so big,” Liam says.</p><p>“Ay, look at the lake behind it,” Zayn says. </p><p>“I wonder how big the kitchen is,” Niall wonders. </p><p>“It’s perfect, perfect for Harry to recover. This is what we need boys. Look at that porch, I can see us out there playing the guitar and writing, sipping on some tea,” Louis says, looking up at Anne. “I think it will be just what he needs.”</p><p>Anne nods, smiling down at Louis because she agrees, thankful for Harry’s found family, but she is ready to be off the bus and sends the boys off to go explore and find their rooms and she will take care of Harry. </p><p>It is not that she minds being the only woman on a bus with six males, but she is looking forward to nice shower and soft bed once she gets Harry settled. She looks to Paul, “I have to say, you all did good for my boy.” </p><p>“Thanks, it even has a recording studio and one of their producers is going to come up in a couple of weeks if the boys want to record. You going to wake Harry up or do we let him sleep?” Paul says.</p><p>“Give the boys a minute to explore and I will get him, they have had such a large responsibility placed on them because of all of this. They rose to the challenge, but this situation is another mark in their column of having to grow up too fast,” Anne says. </p><p>Paul starts unpacking the bus and Anne goes to Harry’s bunk to wake him up. She knows that is when he is the most disoriented. She stands there looking at her boy taking him in. When he sleeps, she sees glimpses of the little boy she misses. Even at 19, he still needs his mum, but she has to leave soon and even though she knows he is in good hands, she is going to worry even more. Not wanting to go down that path, she shakes her head and gently rubs her hand through Harry’s hair, waking him up. </p><p>“Not now, mum, I’m still sleeping,” a tired Harry says. </p><p>Anne chuckles at that, “Harry, honey, we are at the cabin. You want to go and explore?” </p><p>That gets Harry’s attention and he opens his eyes. “Hi, mum,” he says. </p><p>“Hi baby, how are you feeling?” </p><p>“Better,” he says while he stretches, at least as much as he can in the bunk. He has grown, but the bunk sure hasn’t. </p><p>“Where is everyone?” Harry asks. </p><p>“They are exploring the cabin; you want to join them?” Anne asks.</p><p>Harry nods and carefully sits up, waiting a moment in case he feels dizzy. When he doesn’t, he stands up and does the same. He looks at Anne, “It’s getting easier, as long as I don’t move too fast.” </p><p>“I’m glad, you’re healing and that is all I want for you right now,” Anne replies. </p><p>“Thanks mum, I know I am. It’s just hard because I’m the reason we are where we are, and it is hard not to feel guilty. It’s also hard not to blame myself for not healing faster. I’m trying to deal with those feelings, but also know that it’s no one’s fault, especially mine. I will heal when I heal and there is no blame to be had, only an unfortunate accident. But it doesn’t mean that I have to like it,” Harry says with relief at finally being able to put his thoughts into words. </p><p>“I know baby, I know it has been hard and it will be hard. You have been brave this whole time. Remember how I always say, ‘trust the process?’ That is what you have to do. No one blames you, is mad at you or any of the scenarios this are running through your head. Let the boys take care of you and don’t be afraid to say when you need a time out or a nap. Let them know so they can help and let them. There is honestly nothing else for them to do and it makes them feel useful. They all love you so much and they need to heal too,” Anne stops when Harry gives her a quizzical look.</p><p>“You may be injured, but they were hurt too. Liam thought he killed you and went into shock. Niall walked around like a deer caught in the headlights, so afraid you were not going to wake up. Louis was the one who had to give consent for your surgery, not sure if he was making the right decision, he also never left your bedside. Zayn was the strongest, he was the glue that kept them together and from breaking down. Always the voice of reason, but he has had nightmares almost every night, waking up thinking you are gone. He was the one who tended to you right after, saw the damage up close . . .” Anne trails off as Harry gingerly touches his head through his beanie. </p><p>They sit in silence for a bit, Harry processing what she said. He hadn’t thought of it through their eyes before. He only wanted to get better as fast as possible so they wouldn’t worry about him anymore. Harry didn’t realize by them taking care of him, they are healing as well. He looks at his mum, “thank you for telling me,” he says quietly. She smiles back at her boy and brings him in for a hug. </p><p>Outside the bus are four boys standing there, looking at each other as they listen to Harry and Anne talk. It is the most they have heard Harry say since the accident and for Louis, it is good to hear what Harry feels. When Anne starts talking about all of them, they shuffle around, not liking what she is saying, but she is not wrong. Zayn is looking at all of them until he hears his name, he thought he was doing a better job of hiding it. The boys all look at him and he nods, not correcting her. When they hear Anne finish, Louis looks at them, nodding. They all know what the next couple of weeks will be hard, but no one is alone. Louis pulls them all in for a hug and whispers that he loves them, they return the sentiment and Louis says, “Let’s go get our boy.”</p><p>With that, they enter the bus and see Harry hugging his mum. When Harry looks at his brothers, they are all smiling at him. “You heard, didn’t you?” he asks. </p><p>“We did, but it doesn’t change anything,” Zayn says. “Come on, let’s get you inside. We thought you would want to pick out the first room.”</p><p>When the boys leave, Harry between them, Anne watches on and knows her own boy is in the best capable of hands and he will be back up on the stage in no time at all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know what you think. I can wrap this up or are you wanting more of Harry's recovery. Comments are always appreciated.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sorry for the delay - finals and what not. </p><p>Hope you like it. Leave a comment and let me know. </p><p>Happy holidays!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he opened his eyes, it was to a strange sound in a strange room. It took Harry a minute to realize this was his room in the cabin and the noise was a bird chirping way too loud. He rolled over and stretched, taking stock of his body. </p><p>Not knowing the time, Harry sits up, looking around, seeing it was barely light outside his window. He was alone for the first time since his accident, not sure if he should be surprised or hurt, but it was nice and it showed that his loved ones are not worrying as much, for that he let out a relieved sigh.  </p><p>After dinner last night, they all decided to watch a movie, but Harry tired quickly, so his mum helped him get ready for bed. He chose a room furthest from the main part of the house because he wanted the quiet and knew he would be resting at different times of the day. Harry didn’t know where the other boys were staying, but his mum was in the room next to him. </p><p>Feeling the dull throb in his head, a constant companion now, he slowly got up to look for his meds and some water. Thankful the room didn’t spin when he stood up, he wrapped the blanket around him and wandered out. The place was so large that it took him a minute to find the kitchen. Everything was dark, but he heard some soft snoring from the family room and walked over to see the boys sound asleep on the couches. Harry smiled at his brothers and quietly turned away grabbing water and popped two pills from his bottle on the counter as he headed quietly out the front door. The porch faced east and one could watch the sunrise over the Vermont hills. It was heavenly to Harry, exactly what he imagined when he first suggested they come here. He sat down and took in the sight. The soft fog blanketing the ground, making the air hazy until the heat burns it off. The sound of birds and their welcoming calls signaling the break of dawn. It is so peaceful, and Harry loves it. It is what he imagined when he pictured where he wanted to heal. This may be for him, but it will help the others as well. </p><p>Harry sits taking it all in and appreciates that he may not have not been here to enjoy the view. After a deep breath, he sees a path to the lake and decides to go down to the edge. There is still a chill in the air, and he clutches the duvet around him as he walks down the path in the early dawn. When he comes to the shore, the calm water has fog hovering about a foot above it, he stares in awe as he watches a crane glide above the water before it dips down and grabs a fish. He had never seen such a sight before, nor had he wanted to for that matter. Being almost dead seems to change his perspective. </p><p>Standing on the small stretch of sandy beach, he takes a deep breath, orienting himself, something the PT suggested from the hospital. His body is sluggish, but he is not feeling dizzy. He takes another deep breath and closes his eyes, listening. Not hearing a single soul brings a smile to his face as he lifts it up towards the sky, the silence is a wonderful thing. He opens his eyes and just watches, taking it all in. After a bit, he sees a dock off to the side and picks his way over it. It’s not that long and he walks to the end and sits down, spreading his blanket around him. Harry feels content, he’s alive, he’s healing, he’s with those he loves, and he takes a moment to appreciate it.</p><p>After a bit, Harry looks back to the house and notices it is still dark and it looks like no one is up yet, he also notices how far away he is and it’s hard to see the front porch from where he is sitting. He has no sense of time and feels a good tired in his bones, not realizing that he walked so far. Really, the furthest he has gone since he woke up again, no wonder he is feeling so tired, but proud of himself. He can finally see for himself that he is feeling better. His body feels like it has been stretched out, but for the first time in a good way with the exception of his head. He leans back on his elbows with his feet hanging over the dock and closes his eyes enjoying the peace and quiet. No beeping, no things hooked up to him, no hustle and bustle of the hospital, no concerned eyes constantly watching him. He is free, if only for a little bit. </p><p>Time seems to stand still for Harry as he watches the sun rise, taking in everything. Before he knows it, his head is bobbing, and his eyes snap open every time his chin hits his chest. He eyes his blanket and decides to lay down, feeling sleepy, resting his head on his arms, laying on his side, he looks out over the lake and feels content for the first time in a long time. His head is barely throbbing thanks to his pain pills, the dull ache in his head is starting to go away and Harry knows the meds are working. He feels tired, but for once it’s because he worked for it. That thought brings a smile to his face, he is healing, and he can tell, finally. With that smile on his face, Harry drifts off into sleep. </p><p>___</p><p>Louis is the first one to wake, feeling stiff. He looks around and sees the boys still sprawled where they landed last night after finishing the movie. Rolling over, he sees Anne standing there holding her tea with a smile on her face. </p><p>“Good morning,” she says softly.</p><p>“Mornin’, what time is it?” Louis asks rubbing his eyes. </p><p>“Little bit after nine, Paul is up and making breakfast,” Anne answers.</p><p>“Harry?” Louis asks.</p><p>“Haven’t checked in on him. Didn’t want to wake him, but he didn’t wake me last night,” Anne answers. </p><p>Liam and Niall are starting to stir now, and Louis nods his head, thankful Harry is still asleep. That means no pain.</p><p>“Do I smell brekkie?” Niall asks yawning. </p><p>“Good morning to you Niall,” Anne says laughing. “Paul and the guys are putting something together.” </p><p>“Gotta get up then,” Niall says.</p><p>Pretty soon, all but Zayn and Harry are gathered around the kitchen table eating and talking.</p><p>“Hey, we don’t have anywhere to be today or anything to do,” Liam suddenly says. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s a bit nice, isn’t it,” Louis responds. </p><p>“I have a schedule, it’s packed,” Niall says.  The others turn and look at him with questioning faces. </p><p>“And what is that exactly?” Paul asks crossing his arms across his chest knowing that all plans must go through him. </p><p>Niall looks around the room smiling, “A whole lot of nothing and eating, of course.” He finishes and takes a big bite of food. </p><p>They all laugh at that when a tired Zayn comes in, squinting, “Can you be any louder?” he asks as he falls into a chair. </p><p>Liam hands him a warm tea and puts it under his nose and Zayn looks at him with appreciation. </p><p>“Don’t fall asleep in the living room then,” Louis responds. </p><p>“Where’s H? He okay today?” Zayn asks after noticing Harry is not with him. </p><p>“He is still sleeping, thought it best since he couldn’t sleep very well in the hospital and on the bus,” Anne replies. </p><p>“Doesn’t he need his meds? Like, isn’t it supposed to keep him from hurting?” Liam asks. </p><p>“It is and that’s why I’m going to go wake him now,” Anne says looking at the clock and seeing it’s past ten already. </p><p>As Anne heads down the hall, Louis looks at Paul asking, “Is the doctor coming today to check on him?” </p><p>“Yes, this afternoon, in fact. He has already been sent Harry’s records and spoken with Dr. Tarpley,” Paul responds.</p><p>“It’s good he’s sleeping, right?” Niall asks. </p><p>“Yeah, Ni. Sleep is healing is what my mum always says,” Zayn responds. </p><p>Just then, they hear Anne’s voice carry down the hall, “Harry, Harry, where are you? This isn’t funny.” </p><p>Everyone looks at each other, concerned and they head down the hall, Louis getting there first. </p><p>“Anne, what’s wrong?” Louis asks when he finds Anne standing in Harry’s bedroom looking around. </p><p>“He’s gone,” she says.</p><p>“What do you mean he’s gone?” Liam asks. </p><p>“He wasn’t in bed, so I checked the ensuite to see if he was in there, but he’s not,” Anne says. </p><p>Niall checks under the bed while Liam looks in the bathroom and closet. One thing for sure is Harry is not in that room. Everyone looks at each other and then they move at the same time, searching throughout the house calling Harry’s name. </p><p>Zayn and Liam head outside and the first thing they notice is the front door is unlocked. </p><p>“Hey, did anyone go out the front door this morning?” Zayn yells.</p><p>He hears a series of “no’s” back at him. Zayn hollers back, “I think he is outside.”</p><p>The guards, boys and Anne come out to the porch. </p><p>“Why do you think that?” Paul asks. </p><p>“Door was unlocked and look, there’s a water bottle. Anyone leave that out here last night?” Zayn says.</p><p>No one had. They all look at one another and Paul and Louis walk the length of the porch looking out over the meadow. Liam and Zayn start yelling Harry’s name, but there is no response. </p><p>“Boys go put on your shoes; we need to search for him. He may have passed out or walked out of ear shot,” Paul tells them. </p><p>“Anne, does Harry like to wander off?” Paul asks.</p><p>“No, not when he lived with me. He always let me know where he was. This isn’t like him,” Anne answers. </p><p>Paul directs the guards to go search behind the back of the house and the band splits up, taking the front. Louis walks a bit on the trail towards the lake, his eyes searching for any sign of Harry, calling out his name. Zayn quickly joins him, scanning the shore and fields before something catches his attention. </p><p>“Look, what’s that on the dock?” Zayn points in the direction. </p><p>Louis looks and his heart drops, he sees Harry and he is not moving. He calls out Harry’s name, but Harry doesn’t respond, he doesn’t so much as move. Icy fear shoots up Louis’ spine as he and Zayn look at each other. </p><p>“I found him, he’s on the dock,” Louis shouts to the others as Zayn and he run faster than they thought they ever could, feet pounding on the ground in an effort to get to Harry, almost falling over him in their effort to stop once they arrive at the dock. </p><p>They exchange glances, both not hiding their fear when they see Harry’s eyes closed, breathing fast, Zayn is the first to touch Harry and he quickly notices how chilled he feels. Louis and him carefully roll Harry over and try wake him up, but there is no response. </p><p>“Hurry, we need help,” Louis shouts to the others and Harry doesn’t even flinch. </p><p>Niall and Liam, followed by Paul and Alberto arrive next, followed by Anne. </p><p>Paul bends down immediately and checks Harry’s pulse, not realizing he was holding his breath until he felt it. </p><p>“He’s breathing fine. Harry, Haz, come on lad, we need you to wake up,” Paul says gently shaking the boy. </p><p>Harry doesn’t stir and they all look at each other, frozen in a moment of fear and confusion. </p><p>Anne gets there and kneels down next to her son, “Did he fall, did he hit his head?” she asks. </p><p>Paul feels around gently and lifts up Harry’s shirt, not noticing anything. He takes off Harry’s beanie and gently feels around his head and doesn’t feel anything there either. No sign of infection around his head wound. There seems to be no reason as to why he won’t wake up. </p><p>“When’s the doctor coming?” Louis asks.</p><p>Paul looks at his watch, “Around 11:30,” he responds. “Let’s get him in the house and see what the doctor says. </p><p>“Is it safe to pick him up?” Niall asks.</p><p>“Yes, there isn’t any sign of him being hurt. Alberto, come over here and help me,” Paul says. </p><p>Everyone shuffles around and Paul lifts up Harry, Louis’ hands near his head, quick to  and they follow him back to the cabin. </p><p>“How did he even get out here? He can’t walk that far on his own,” Liam asks. </p><p>“Maybe he did. He fell asleep early last night, maybe he sleepwalked,” Zayn said. </p><p>“Whatever he did, I’m going to skin him for scaring me like that,” Louis says. </p><p>Anne and Paul gently place Harry back in his bed and tuck the covers around him to try and warm him up. The other four boys are standing around the door watching, each one’s face showing concern or fear. </p><p>Paul walks towards the boys gently pulling the door knowing Anne wants to stay with her son. </p><p>“Will he be okay?” Liam asks.<br/>Paul looks at everyone and answers honestly. “I just don’t know lads, it’s anyone’s guess.” </p><p>The air of excitement that had greeted them when they woke up this morning is gone. Finding Harry the way they did is a reminder of why they are actually there in the first place and they are going to have a long road in front of them if today is a preview of what is to come.</p><p>Paul sends the boys off to dress and he goes to talk to the other guards while they wait on the doctor. It’s not too long until there is a knock on the door. Louis answers before anyone else and sees a man in his 50s at the door. Paul is right behind him. </p><p>“Hello, I’m Dr. Weeks, I’m here to see Harry Styles. Dr. Tarpley has already briefed me on Mr. Styles,” Dr. Weeks says.</p><p>“Yes, come in. We are so glad you are here. We found Harry unconscious and cold outside on the dock about 15 minutes ago. There wasn’t any sign of him being injured,” Louis says as he leads the doctor to Harry’s door. </p><p>Louis opens it and introduces Anne and Dr. Weeks looks at Harry. </p><p>“How did he come to be on the dock?” the doctor asks. </p><p>“We don’t know. I thought he was sleeping and when I went to wake him, he was gone,” Anne answers. </p><p>“I see, let me examine him,” Dr. Weeks replies and he sets to work while Anne, Paul and now the other boys watch with wide eyes. </p><p>The doctor shines a light in Harry’s eyes, makes notes, checks his blood pressure, listens to his heart and runs his hands along Harry checking for injuries. There is a collective releasing of breaths or so it seems when the doctor turns around and declares that Harry is just fine and appears to be sleeping. </p><p>“We tried to wake him up, but he didn’t move,” Louis says, not sure if the doctor is qualified to be taking care of Harry. </p><p>“Where’s his meds, I want to check something?” Dr. Weeks asks.</p><p>Zayn brings back the prescription bottle and hands it over and the doctor reads it. </p><p>“Have you been giving Harry one or two of these?” Dr. Weeks asks. </p><p>“One, like it says on the bottle,” Anne answers, her face not hiding the questioning look she has. </p><p>“How did he react to it?” Dr. Weeks asks.<br/>“It took about an hour and then he would lay down and sleep for a bit, maybe three to four hours. Why?” Anne asks. </p><p>“I think Harry may have taken two of these pills. His eyes are dilated as a result of drugs, not his head trauma. If he did take two pills, this would explain why you couldn’t wake him up. He really is in a deep sleep,” Dr. Weeks explains. </p><p>“Wait, Harry overdosed. Will he be okay?” Louis asks, very concerned. </p><p>“Yes, if he only took two, he will probably be out for some time. His blood pressure is a little low and that is because of the pills, but there is nothing else that concerns me. I think he may have woken up, was in pain and took two because that is what we do with over the counter and didn’t read the label. Tell me, has he been getting his own pills or has someone been giving them to him?” Dr. Weeks asks.</p><p>“We have always brought them to him,” Zayn says. </p><p>Dr. Weeks nods and looks at everyone’s concerned faces. “I have some more rounds to do, but I will stop by later today and check in on him. The sleep will do him good and will facilitate his healing. Check on him about every hour, but I have no cause for alarm. But when he wakes up, he may be disoriented, don’t be alarmed if it takes him a bit to come back to awareness.” </p><p>Everyone is nodding and relief is evident on their faces. </p><p>Anne thanks the doctor and walks out with him, Paul following. The boys gather around Harry’s bed, each reaching out to touch him, to reassure themselves. Louis is closest to Harry’s head and rubs his face, moving his hair out of his face. He leans down and whispers in Harry’s ear, “If you scare me again, I will personally cut all your head scarves up and scatter them throughout our flat.” </p><p>Louis stands up and looks at the other boys, “Well, I’m going to get my laptop and going to hang out in here. Anyone want to join?” </p><p>The others agree and they leave and gather things to keep them occupied and settle in to wait until their mate wakes up. </p><p> </p><p>When Harry comes back to awareness, his eyes feel sticky, his body heavy and his head hurts and he is terribly thirsty. It doesn’t take long for him to feel the bed occasionally shake and to hear quiet whispers. </p><p>“Shouldn’t he be awake by now?” Niall asks. </p><p>“You heard the doctor, he probably exhausted himself and on top of that, he drugged himself up. Give him time,” Louis responds. </p><p>“I don’t like it. I want him to be awake,” Niall says. </p><p>“I know you do, but if he is sleeping, he is healing. He is breathing fine as well. We just need to be patient,” Zayn says. </p><p>“That is not something we are known for though,” Liam says with a laugh. </p><p>Harry listens, not sure what they mean. He blinks his eyes open, trying to orient himself, not recognizing where he is. Someone must notice he is awake because he feels a hand on his forehead, gently rubbing his scalp. He stretches, turning into the hand and curls up on his side. </p><p>The other boys grin at each other seeing Harry look adorable. </p><p>“Haz, you okay?” Louis asks softly. </p><p>“Hmpf,” Harry replies. </p><p>“You are going to have to be a bit more specific, can’t quite translate your noises,” Louis says with a chuckle.</p><p>Harry knows he should sit up, but having his head rubbed feels amazing and he doesn’t want to move at the moment. He tells himself he will close his eyes for a quick minute and then get up. </p><p>“Is he asleep again?” Niall asks, leaning over Louis watching Harry. </p><p>“Yeah, he is,” Louis responds. </p><p>“Should we be worried?” Niall asks. </p><p>“Nah, let him sleep. In fact, I think I will join him,” Louis says as he snuggles down under the covers. </p><p>The other boys look at each other and Zayn motions his head towards the door and the other two head out. “Let us know if you need anything,” Zayn says. </p><p>Louis nods in recognition and gestures with his hand. Zayn just smiles, finally feeling relief that his mate is healing and his other mate, who doesn’t realize it yet, loves his healing mate, can finally relax. </p><p>Zayn stands there against the closed door. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. He was scared to death when he saw Harry at the end of the dock. Not a runner, he still doesn’t remember how he got to Harry so quickly. He also lets himself feel the fear and relief and can feel his eyes start to water. He pushes off the door and heads to his room, sits down on the bed and lets it all out – the fear, the relief, the weight of trying to keep it together, everything. He cries for fear that what they are facing is not what they could have been facing, he cries for the innocence that they all lost, thinking they are indestructible, he cries because at that moment there is simply no other way for his body to deal with what he feels, exhausted, relieved, grateful. </p><p>Sometime goes by when he hears his name. Zayn quickly wipes his nose and sniffles, knowing there is nothing he can do about his eyes, but tries anyway by wiping the tears away as he looks up and sees Liam, the concern etched on his face. </p><p>“You okay?” Liam asks softly. </p><p>Zayn wipes his nose again, “Yeah, just needed a minute. Is everything okay?” </p><p>Liam makes a face at that question because that has been their life these last two weeks. “Yes, thought you followed us out. When you didn’t show, I wanted to check on you. What do you need?” Liam asks as he sits down on the bed. </p><p>Bless Liam, he doesn’t ask what’s wrong. Zayn leans into him and feels Liam wrap his arms around him and Zayn feels safe, he feels like he doesn’t have to be strong right now. He sinks into Liam and before he knows it, a bone deep exhaustion that he didn’t realize he had makes it way through his body. He feels Liam readjust, letting go and Zayn makes a noise. </p><p>“Shh, just getting us more comfortable. Let me go for a quick minute and we can lay down and take a kip,” Liam answers, taking off Zayn’s shoes and pulling him up to the pillow, tucking him under the covers and climbing in behind him. Zayn has stopped crying and snuggles back into Liam closing his eyes and lets himself drift off with Liam’s arms wrapped around him, feeling safe. </p><p>Niall finally looks up from his phone realizing Liam and Zayn have been gone for a bit and tip toes down the hall. He opens Harry’s door and both boys are sound asleep, Louis’ soft snores proof of that. He turns to the other closed door and knocks softly, he hears a soft, “Come in.”</p><p>He sees Zayn asleep, eyes red and tear tracks evident and he looks up at Liam in concern. </p><p>“He finally let himself feel,” Liam says. “We are going to have a bit of a lie in, you good?”</p><p>“Yeah, they are making dinner, I will have them set some aside for you all,” Niall says. </p><p>Liam smiles and Niall closes the door softly, sending a prayer up that they are all turning a corner. </p><p>Niall walks back into the kitchen, “Looks like you have only me to contend with,” he says with his arms open. “What are we having?” he asks looking around Alberto at the stove. </p><p>“Where are the rest of them?” Paul asks, brows furrowed. </p><p>“Harry woke up a bit and rolled over and went back to sleep and Louis decided to join ‘im. Zayn is finally dealing with everything, I mean, we knew it was only a matter of time and Liam is laying down him while he sleeps it off,” Niall finishes after taking a nip of sauce from the pan. “Looked like he had been crying a bit from the look of his eyes. Glad too, he keeps things inside so much; doesn’t tell us what he is thinking.”</p><p>“Hey, wait until dinner,” Alberto says. </p><p>“What? Its more for me, needed to check it, make sure its edible,” Niall says with a cheeky grin. </p><p>In the meantime, Anne, Paul, and the other guards exchange glances, not quite sure how to process what Niall just word dumped on them. </p><p>Anne walks over to Niall and puts her arm on his shoulder, “And what about you, are you doing okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I mean, as okay as I can be. I let myself have a few good cries already and I’ve been able to sleep. The others, not so much. Louis doesn’t let Harry out of his sight, Zayn watches Harry and Louis and Liam watches Zayn and looks like a kicked puppy whenever he looks at Harry. Harry may be the one physically injured, but the others, they need to heal too and seeing them sleep, really, makes me feel like this place is working. Of course, took H scaring the shit out of us, but it is what it is, right?” </p><p>“Who would have ever thought you are the wisest one?” Paul says incredulously. </p><p>“No, just when you are the youngest, you notice. Lots of sit there and be quiet, that’s why I sleep and eat, makes the time go by faster,” Niall explains. </p><p>They all laugh at that and Anne gives him a hug. “Don’t forget to take care of you though,” she says. </p><p>“Thanks, Anne,” Niall says, and they all sit down and eat. </p><p>“Have you heard from the doctor?” Niall asks after checking the time. </p><p>“Yes, he called, and I told him Harry was still asleep. He said to let him, and he would be back tomorrow,” Anne says.</p><p>“Do we let them all sleep?” Niall says. </p><p>“I think we should, if they get hungry, we can leave some plates for them in the oven. They all need to sleep, in a bed and not in a bunk or the floor,” Paul says. </p><p>Niall looks at everyone, “Well, I guess I will have to entertain you lot tonight. Who’s up for some poker?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry wakes up and sees that it is still dark outside and reaches over for his phone on the nightstand for it, checking the time. After being blinded by the light, he sees that it is just after six a.m. Of course, does a whack to the head make you wake up before the sun rises? </p><p>He is disoriented for a minute, not remembering how he got to bed last night, when he hears the small puffs of air of his bedmate, not sure who it is exactly. Sitting up on his elbows he sees Louis sound asleep next to him. Harry doesn’t know why, but it brings a smile to his face. The boys are mother hens since his accident, never leaving him alone for long. </p><p>With that question answered, Harry looks around feeling a bit unsteady, but starving as well. He can smell something cooking and gingerly sits up and when he doesn’t feel dizzy, he stands slowly, having to do these little wobble checks. Once he feels centered, he makes his way into the kitchen to see a stranger at the stove. </p><p>“Ahh, ‘ello, who are you?” Harry asks after looking around, a bit concerned. </p><p>“I’m Jack, Paul hired me to cook for you all,” the man replied. </p><p>“Oh, I’m Harry, let me just grab something to eat and I will be out of your way,” Harry says. </p><p>“Nah, sit down, I’m almost done with the first batch. Let me get you something,” Jack responds. </p><p>Harry does chuckling when his stomach lets out a loud growl and watches Jack cook. </p><p>“You’re the one that was injured, aren’t you?” Jack says after a bit.</p><p>“Yeah,” Harry answers gingerly touching his head over his beanie. “That would be me.” </p><p>“Sorry to hear you were hurt. Are you better now?” Jeff asks putting a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Harry. </p><p>“Getting there, I think,” Harry replies before digging in.</p><p>Paul and Alberto come in looking like they had just worked out and join Harry at the island. They greet Jack and Paul studies Harry over his cup to the point where Harry is squirming.  </p><p>“You good?” Paul finally asks after Harry looks up at him. </p><p>“Yeah, I think so. Brain feels a bit fuzzy and I am starving. I can’t remember when I ate last,” Harry replies. </p><p>“You have been asleep around 24 hours and haven’t eaten in over 36, that could be why,” Paul says. </p><p>Harry looks at him dumbfounded, not sure how to process that information. He finally asks, “What happened? I can’t remember.”</p><p>“You scared us is what happened. Yesterday morning, we found you out on the dock by the lake, not moving. Let’s not do that again,” Paul says. </p><p>Harry thinks hard, his forehead creasing as he tries to recall. He thought it was a dream, but he remembers going to look at the lake after waking up. </p><p>“I didn’t mean too, wanted to see the lake . . .” Harry trails off. </p><p>“Just like you didn’t mean to take too many of your pain pills and not wake up?” Paul asks. </p><p>“Hey, it was an accident Paul, lay off,” Alberto says.</p><p>“What? I didn’t do that. I took two, like I’m supposed too, my head hurt. I walked out to the dock and was watching the sunrise . . .” Harry says before Paul cuts him off. </p><p>“And this is the first time you have been awake since then. You took too many pills and slept for almost 24 hours, you were only supposed to take one, scared all of us. Next time, wake someone up, do you understand?” Paul says looking at Harry sternly. </p><p>If Harry could make himself smaller, he would. Properly chastised, he stutters out an apology, tears welling in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to . . .” he is cut off before he feels strong arms around him, squeezing him. </p><p>“My God Harry, I thought you were dead. You are like a son to me; I can’t lose you or any of you boys. Please, please, don’t scare me again,” Paul whispers holding Harry to his chest. “That was not how I imagined our first day going.”</p><p>They stayed like that for a minute until Harry’s stomach rumbled loudly causing Paul to chuckle and pull away, still keeping his hands on Harry’s shoulders, studying him. </p><p>“You haven’t eaten, let’s get you some food and let’s not have a repeat of before, okay?” Paul says before hugging Harry one more time. </p><p>Harry nods and smiles gratefully as Jack sets another plate in front of him and he digs in. That is where the boys and is mum find him when they wake up. He apologizes to everyone, feeling bad for scaring them and after many reassurances, things seem to settle down for the day keeping Harry in their line of sight. No one is willing to say it, but they are all a bit traumatized from yesterday.  </p><p>When Harry wakes up before the sunrises on the third day at the cabin, he groans as he rolls over to look at his phone. He doesn’t understand why his body can’t get that hint that he can sleep in. Harry lays in bed and looks over at Louis, sound asleep. He didn’t question it when Louis climbed in bed last night, but the look he gave Lou must have been obvious. </p><p>“What, can’t have you sleep walking or some shit like that. Need to keep an eye on you,” Louis says. </p><p>Harry only shrugs because it is not like he minds. Smiling at the memory, he stretches and goes to get up. After standing up and not feeling dizzy, he heads into the kitchen where he sees Jack again at the stove cooking. </p><p>“Mornin’” Harry mumbles and goes about making himself some tea and declining Jack’s offer of a meal. He feels a bit foggy today and doesn’t know if his stomach feels up to a big breakfast. </p><p>Instead, he nabs a throw from the couch and heads outside to the porch settling into one of the chairs facing the lake. Seeing the sun just about to peek out, Harry settles down and sips his tea and just appreciates the quiet. </p><p>He must have fallen asleep because when he opens his eyes again, Anne has her hand on his shoulder waking him up. </p><p>“Hi, mum,” he says sleepily, noticing the sun is significantly higher than he saw it last. </p><p>“Hi, yourself. Feel like some breakfast?” Anne asks smiling down at her son.</p><p>Harry takes a moment to stretch and rub his eyes, Anne quietly assessing her son, looking for anything that concerns her. He finally nods his head and she offers a hand to pull him up. </p><p>Once standing, he feels the fuzzies come and sees white, unconsciously leaning into his mum. </p><p>“I got you, you’re okay honey,” his mum says as he feels her tight grip under his arms as he feels his legs give out. </p><p>“Mum, help me . . .” Harry whispers softly. </p><p>In one breath Anne whispers, “you’re safe, I have you baby,” as she tries to hold up Harry. Harry knows there are voices around him, and he feels hands and pressure, but he can’t focus on anything except the rushing noise in his ears.</p><p>In the next breath she hollers, “I need some help out here!” when she sees Harry’s eyes roll back. </p><p>Paul and Liam come out, faces showing their alarm. They see Anne struggling to hold Harry up and quickly help her, carefully easing Harry back on the lounge chair. </p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Paul asks as Anne sit next to Harry, rubbing his face gently. </p><p>“I helped him up and he paused like he does and then his eyes rolled back and he went limp,” Anne explains before turning back to Harry. </p><p>“Harry, Harry, honey, come back to me. Open your eyes sweetheart,” Anne says softly continues to get Harry back. </p><p>“Here is a cold flannel,” Liam says handing it to Paul. “Do we need to call the doctor?” Liam asks as he watches, seeing how pale Harry looks. </p><p>“I think he just got up too fast. The doctor said this is common, we just need to wait, he will be okay,” Anne says as Paul puts it on Harry’s forehead. </p><p>Anne looks up then and sees how frightened Liam looks and stands, going to him. </p><p>“Liam, he’s fine. It is just a side effect of the injury. Remember when he did it when he tied his shoes at the hospital. It’s the same thing. He didn’t bump his head. Really, he probably just had his blood pressure drop from sleeping,” Anne says trying to calm the young man.</p><p>They sit monitoring Harry and talk among themselves, Anne holding Harry’s hand until she feels him squeeze back. </p><p>Harry feels something cold on his forehead and focuses on opening his eyes, after realizing his name is being softly called. When he does, he sees his mum, Paul and Liam looking at him all with different facial expressions. </p><p>He forces a groan, “Not again. How long this time?” he asks, rubbing his face, trying to wipe away the hazy feeling. </p><p>Anne smiles, “About five minutes, not too long.”</p><p>“Help me sit up,” he says, holding out his arms and Paul pulls him to a sitting position, he waits with his eyes closed to see if he feels anything. When he doesn’t, he holds his arms up again, “help me stand, please.” </p><p>Paul and Liam do the same, both keeping their arms on either side of Harry in case he feels faint. When it doesn’t happen, Harry opens his eyes and smiles. </p><p>“Well, that was fun. Breakfast?” Harry asks as he walks towards the front door with Liam next to him. </p><p>They chuckle, knowing Harry is trying to brush off the incident, but Anne and Paul exchange glances knowing Harry has a long road in front of him.</p><p>After breakfast with everyone, no one brings up the morning and Harry settles into the couch until Dr. Weeks’ visit. Anne had already whispered to him that they need to tell him about this morning’s incident and Harry is not happy, but knows that is part of it. He is feeling anxious. He wants to do stuff, but his body is winning over his mind at the moment. Another thing it is winning over is the exhaustion he feels. It is so frustrating to be tired all the time and there is no fighting it. Currently, Louis must sense his mood and he is curled up under his arm, head laying on Lou’s chest. </p><p>Louis, bless him, must sense what he is feeling and whispers “Go to sleep, love. I’ll wake you when the doctor arrives.” </p><p>Harry doesn’t want to sleep, but his eyes grow heavy and he drifts off. </p><p>Feeling his rhythmic puffs on his chest, Louis looks over to Liam. “He got dizzy this morning, didn’t he?” </p><p>“What? How did you know?” Liam asks, causing Louis to smirk, Liam already confirming what Louis suspected. </p><p>“Because he gets cuddly when he is dizzy and by the looks on Paul, Anne’s and your faces when I walked in for brekkie, I could tell something happened. You all watched him like a hawk,” Louis explained. </p><p>Liam explained what happened and when Dr. Weeks arrived, they filled him in as well before Louis woke Harry up. </p><p>After his examination and checking his blood pressure, Dr. Weeks spoke quietly with Anne and Paul. He is concerned that Harry’s blood pressure continues to be low and also informed them that he is dehydrated. To counter the blood pressure, Harry is being prescribed something to help raise it and Dr. Weeks will drop it off the next day. Anne was upset about him being dehydrated, and Paul quickly sent Alberto and Jon to the store to purchase a lot of Gatorade and some other items they needed and said they can make sure Harry is always drinking something. Dr. Weeks speaks with Harry directly informing him that he needs to make sure he gets up in two steps to give his brain a chance to catch up with his body’s movement to combat the dizziness. Harry told him that he has been doing that, but just forgot. He hated that he felt like a little child being scolded. Dr. Weeks acknowledged that it is frustrating and said what Harry feels like he always is hearing, “it is part of the healing process.” He just rolls his eyes, which causes his head to hurt. </p><p>Harry is tired and hurting after Dr. Weeks’ visit and decides to nap and ends up sleeping through lunch. No one comments when they pass by each other in the hallway as they “casually” check on Harry. </p><p>Anne left two days ago, Harry tried to be stoic, he knows she has obligations and he thanks her profusely when he watches Alberto and Basil drive her to the airport. As soon as her car is out of sight, he sags and tears up, quietly turning around and heading to his room. His mum has been a comfort to him and a nice partner with Paul, setting up a routine for everyone. Even the boys miss her, but they let Harry have his time alone to mourn.</p><p>¬¬A few more days goes by and Harry’s new meds have combatted the low blood pressure, no more dizziness. Dr. Weeks is pleased. Also, if Harry’s bladder has anything to say about it, they are doing a good job of keeping him hydrated as well. He still wakes before the sun and whomever is up next typically finds him asleep on the porch, his empty mug of tea next to him. Today it is Niall, who is quietly strumming on his guitar while he keeps a watchful eye on Harry until he wakes up and eats breakfast. No one comments Harry’s new habit, it really is the only time he is alone, but Jack reassured Paul that he would keep an eye on him. </p><p>Naps are a frequent occurrence and waking up laying on someone new, in different rooms and in different places doesn’t even phase Harry anymore. He is never alone, for that he is thankful, it helps ground him. When he is awake, they watch movies, play video games, boardgames, or Harry goes on daily walks with whoever wants to join him, a different person each time. He mostly walks to the dock, someone, probably Paul bought some chairs and Harry likes sitting down and just look out over the water. He doesn’t talk and Zayn is often with him, sketching. The two find solace in the quiet, but comfort with being near one another. The dock is the farthest he has walked and typically by the time they return, he goes and lays down for a nap. The days become routine with no specific plans and no one complains. Everyone does their own thing and takes time for themselves, but someone is always with Harry, their presence being a comfort whether they are talking or not. </p><p>Louis is the first to comment on the new quiet Harry. He asks one evening when Harry is asleep snuggled into his chest. Everyone is in the family room watching a movie when he throws it out there. </p><p>“He doesn’t talk much anymore, so quiet now,” Louis says to no one in particular. </p><p>They all turn and look at him, processing what Louis said. </p><p>“Harry never really talked a lot to begin with,” Zayn says. </p><p>“Yeah, but now he observes, only really speaks when he is answering our questions. I don’t like it,” Louis says. </p><p>“It hurts his head. The vibrations of speaking, I mean. It hurts him,” Niall says. </p><p>They all look at Niall, mouths hanging open. </p><p>“How do you know this?” Paul asks, concerned that he was not informed. </p><p>Niall grabs some popcorn and tosses it in his mouth, “Thought he told you lot. Said he was.”</p><p>“Okay, but how do you know it?” Louis asks, not hiding his exasperation. </p><p>“I asked him,” Niall responds. He looks at everyone then and laughs at their expressions. </p><p>“What? He was quiet, I noticed, I asked. He’ll answer you and be honest,” Niall says. </p><p>“What else have you asked him that we may not know about?” Louis asks, not hiding the tone in his voice. </p><p>“He hates waking up in places where he doesn’t remember falling asleep. It scares him and each time he wakes up everything comes rushing back to him, like everything. That’s why I said we always need to be with him when he is asleep. It comforts him,” Niall explains. </p><p>The incredulous looks everyone is giving him is lost on Niall. He thinks it is just common sense. He asked Harry and Harry answered. </p><p>“Okay, new rule. When we want to know what’s going through Haz’s brain, we are going to ask Niall,” Louis says. </p><p>“I think that may be a good idea. Anne and I have discussed that Harry isn’t talking. I didn’t want to push him, but apparently, we have someone who speaks Harry to help us,” Paul says. </p><p>Niall looks around and Zayn shakes his head smiling at Niall. “Leave it to the second youngest to understand the youngest,” he says and Niall just shrugs and keeps eating.  </p><p>The house has a pool table and it has quickly become a favorite of everyone. Harry enjoys watching, knowing he doesn’t want to try bending down yet. Bets are made and a round robin tournament is set up and even their chef joins. About two weeks after being there, Harry is watching a match between Louis and Paddy and it is becoming a bit cutthroat. When Zayn hands him water, he smiles, thanking him as he watches Louis try a trick shot and beat Paddy. Louis throws his hands up to celebrate and knocks the rack to the ground. Harry, smiling, walks over to Louis to congratulate him with a hug. When they breakaway, without thinking, Harry bends down to pick up the rack for the next game right when Louis twirls the cue stick, not seeing Harry. Three things happen at once, Harry goes to stand up and immediately regrets his decision, forgetting that it makes him dizzy, but before he can counter it, he feels instant blinding pain at the top of his head. The next sensation he feels is falling, but not before his head connects with the pool table. Harry is unconscious before he hits the ground. </p><p>There is a moment of stunned silence as everyone’s brains take a moment to catch up with what just happened. Louis most of all, is shocked. He felt the cue stick come into contact with something and when he realized it was Harry’s head, he turned to see Harry’s head hit the pool table. Louis literally feels his heart jump in his throat in fear. </p><p>Paul, Alberto and Andy are the first to jump into action, with Andy pulling out his phone and dialing 911. He knows that Harry needs to go to the hospital based on what he just saw. Paul hands his phone to Alberto and tells him to call Dr. Weeks as he kneels down next to Harry, gently bumping Louis out of the way.  </p><p>Paul feels for a pulse before he even tries to move Harry. Jon was an EMT and immediately goes to stabilize Harry’s c-spine when he sees blood seeping through the beanie and a cut above his eyebrow.</p><p>“Paul, his beanie,” Jon says softly to not alarm the other boys. </p><p>Fear tries to take over Paul, but he pushes it down. “Basil, get me a towel, quickly!” Paul directs and he helps Jon turn Harry over onto his back. </p><p>Meanwhile, the four other boys are standing together, taking comfort in each other while Louis has tears slowly falling down his face. He feels awful and not even Zayn’s comforting words are making a difference at the moment. </p><p>With the towel in hand, Paul carefully slips off Harry’s beanie and sees that his incision has split open. Quietly, Paul utters a prayer that it is a surface break and not anything more. Alberto comes back and tells them what hospital to direct the ambulance and Dr. Weeks will meet them there. </p><p>“His breathing is fine and his pupils look okay. I think he may just be unconscious,” Jon says after checking Harry over. </p><p>“Harry, Harry, can you hear us? Squeeze my hand son,” Jon asks. </p><p>Andy comes in with two EMTs at that moment and as Jon relays information to them, Paul stands up and looks at his four other charges. He knows this is going to be a long night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing he notices is the pain. It almost makes him want to throw up, but he thinks if he stays still, he can manage. Next, he hears beeping and wants to holler at one of the boys to turn their alarm off, but that would require movement and he doesn’t want that. Then, it is his body, he feels as though he is weighted down and can’t move, not that he wanted too, but he would have liked the choice. There are also voices, but muffled, almost like they are speaking through a wall. He thinks he can hear Louis, not so much what he is saying, but the cadence of his words, the tone in which they are said, that tone is what unsettles Harry. Louis sounds scared and Harry doesn’t like that. </p><p>He thinks his eyes are open, but he has to move his hand to check and he doesn’t think he can do that right now. Words, he can say words, maybe that would clue him in to what is going on. Just as he is trying to formulate what to say, he feels a cold hand on his and it gives him a squeeze. That, he can respond too, that is something he thinks won’t cause more pain. He tries to send a message to his hand, but the pain is ratcheting up to a level that is more than he can handle; a moan comes out without him realizing it. Tears fall without permission down his cheeks and he wants to curl into his body to try to lessen the sensation. He tries but can’t move and his moans have turned into screams. His name is called, and it becomes louder which doesn’t help him any. He feels people touching him and then someone lifts his eyelid and shines a light. Before he knows it, bile is climbing up his throat and he starts choking. Hands are pushing him to the side of his bed, and he vomits. He has no idea who is with him, where he is or what is going on, but he wants them to know his head hurts and through more strength than he imagined he had, he is able to say it. </p><p>“Hurts, please, make it stop,” he says through clinched teeth, not able to stop thrashing around. </p><p>“For God’s sake, help him,” Louis all, but yells, hands unconsciously pulling at his hair. “Please, please, please,” he says the last one softly as he sees the doctor inject something into Harry’s IV and Harry appears to be sedated. The beeping from the heart monitor is still fast, but as he watches, it is slowing down. He looks at the medical personnel that now fill up the space around Harry’s bed and sees them breath sighs of relief as well. </p><p>“What happened? Is he okay?” Louis asks. </p><p>“We need to take him for a CT scan to make sure. It may be nothing, but we want to rule out swelling on his brain,” a doctor explains. </p><p>Louis stands there in the empty room as they roll Harry out, his shoulders slumped, he just can’t take it anymore. It seems a lifetime ago that they brought him here, but it was only last night. Paul is with him and the other boys and guards are back at the cabin. He wishes now that he was not so quick to send them off, feeling so alone at the moment. He feels the tears start to fall and before he knows it, he is full on sobbing, sinking to the ground, his legs no longer working to support him. Louis has been strong for so long, even when it first happened, but now, he is the reason Harry is back in the hospital and it is simply more than he can handle. </p><p>That is where Paul finds him after going to get some tea and coffee for Louis and himself. </p><p>Paul sees Louis on the floor sobbing first and then looks to Harry but sees an empty space where Harry’s bed should be. His heart jumps into his throat for the second time in 12 hours and he fears the worst. He sets the drinks down and bends down next to Louis, putting his hand on Louis’ shoulder. When Lou doesn’t flinch, he calls Louis’ name and that seems to get his attention. Louis reaches for Paul and just keeps crying. Sobs rack his body and Paul holds him because at that moment, there is not anything else to do. </p><p>Seconds, minutes, hours, Paul doesn’t really know have gone by and he has a pile of Louis on his lap who he is rocking and soothing as he would a young child. Finally, Louis calms down and the exhaustion is clear on his face, but Paul has to ask about Harry. He can’t wait and he goes off of Louis’ reaction, he is thinking the worst. </p><p> “Lou,” he says softly. “Can you tell me what happened?” </p><p>Louis starts telling Paul what happened and after hearing about it, Paul makes a move to set Louis next to him so he can go and speak to the doctor. As he goes to get up, the door opens again, and Harry is wheeled back in which causes both Louis and Paul to rise rather quickly. </p><p>“How is he?” Paul asks.</p><p>“The doctor will be in when he is finished examining the films. For now, Harry is sedated and we are working on pain management,” the nurse says. </p><p>Paul nods and as soon as the nurse leaves, Louis picks up Harry’s hand, squeezing it, hoping for a reaction. </p><p>They don’t have long to wait and Dr. Weeks walks in and both Paul and Louis wait to hear the results. </p><p>“He is fine, a little swelling, but no skull cracks or intercranial bleeding. We have stitched up his head where the skin split on the original wound. I think that the pain was a result from the concussion from when he hit his head above his eye, not from the crack on the top of his head. He should wake up when the sedation wears off and we will focus on pain management. Once he does wake, he should be able to go home within 24 hours,” Dr. Weeks explains. </p><p>Relief washes through both of them and Paul thanks Dr. Weeks while Louis falls into the chair. Thinking he may already know the answer, Paul asks anyways. </p><p>“Louis, do you want to go back to the cabin and get some rest? I can stay here until you wake up,” Paul says. </p><p>“No, I have to be here. It’s my fault he is in here in the first place,” Louis says. </p><p>“I know son, but you are exhausted and after the panic attack you just had, I want you to sleep some so you will be rested for when Harry comes back home,” Paul says. </p><p>Louis looks at him, he is exhausted, almost to the point of not being coherent, but he doesn’t want to leave Harry. Ever the negotiator, he counters. </p><p>“Is there a room nearby that I can sleep for a bit? Please Paul, I don’t want to be so far away from him,” Louis says, rubbing his hands on his face. </p><p>Paul sighs, he gets it, he does and finally nods. “Let me go see what I can do,” he says and walks out of the room. </p><p>___</p><p>When Harry wakes up the second time, he feels his head throbbing. Without thinking, he lifts his hand up to his temple and mutters “Fuck me.” There is no way he getting out of bed to watch the sunrise without pain pills on board. </p><p>“Lou, Lou, wake up, I need you to get my pain pills. My head hurts so bad. What’d we do last night?” Harry asks. </p><p>“Harry, open your eyes, son. Louis isn’t here,” someone says. </p><p>Not recognizing the voice at first, Harry opens his eyes, feeling disoriented. He looks around and realizes he is not in his bedroom and then before he starts to freak out, he sees Paul leaning over him. </p><p>“There you are, gave us quite a scare,” Paul says softly, holding Harry’s hand. </p><p>“What happened?” Harry asks, nose scrunched up as he tries to remember. </p><p>“We were playing pool and you got in the way of one of the pool sticks, it hit you on top of your head and the you bonked your temple on the table on the way down. Scared the shit out of all of us,” Paul says. “You were unconscious and are at the hospital now. Been out of it for about 18 hours.”</p><p>Harry tries to remember, but he can’t. He looks around again and doesn’t see any of the boys. He doesn’t know why, but it hurts. </p><p>“Louis is in the next room sleeping. You had a bit of an episode and it scared him a bit. He is resting. The rest of the boys should be here soon. I had to kick them out last night, along with the guards,” Paul explains. “Do you want me to go get Louis?”<br/>
Part of Harry wants Louis to sleep, but he also wants to be comforted by him. “Can you get me something for the pain and then wake him up?” Harry asks feeling guilty for putting himself first, but his head really hurts. </p><p>“I can do that. Let me get the nurse. Will you be okay for a minute?” Paul asks. </p><p>Harry starts to nod, but grimaces when it feels like his brain is playing bumper cars in his skull. With Paul gone, Harry looks down and sees the IV and monitors and it brings back memories of before. He hopes he can go home soon because this is not where he wants to be at all. </p><p>Louis peeks in, realizing Harry hasn’t heard him come in so he takes a moment to take stock at the boy, his heart melts. He looks so small on the bed and Louis doesn’t miss how his skin has become so pale, accentuating the dark circles under his eyes. He sighs because those cheeks were starting to get some color back in them. He will soon enough if Louis thinks.</p><p>“Harry,” Louis says softly. </p><p>Harry looks up at his name and he half grimaces, half smiles at Louis. </p><p>“Hi,” Harry replies.</p><p>“You okay?” Louis asks, still not walking over to the bed. </p><p>“My head hurts, but I think I’m okay. Paul went to get some medicine for me,” Harry answers. “Come here, I missed you when I woke up.”</p><p>Louis walks over, not knowing if he should apologize or explain. He goes for both telling Harry what happened and apologizing for hurting him. Harry holds up his hand and Louis takes it, stopping his apology laden vomit fest. </p><p>“It’s okay Lou. I know you didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident and you are here. That’s all that matters to me,” Harry says softly.</p><p>Louis feels relief, but also something else squeezing his heart at Harry’s statement. He smiles and looks at Harry, seeing he is fighting to stay away. Sitting on the side of the bed, he carefully rubs the side of Harry’s face without the stitches and tells him to rest.</p><p>“I’ll be here when you wake up, H,” Louis says quietly as he sees Harry drift off. </p><p>Paul comes in with a nurse and Louis motions them to be quiet. The nurse efficiently injects a syringe of pain meds into Harry’s IV. Louis watches as Harry’s face relaxes after a bit, feeling some of the tension ease knowing that they are working. </p><p>After lunch, the rest of the boys come in. They are mildly annoyed that it took so long for them to be able to see Harry, but Alberto kept them informed thanks to Paul texting him and reminded them that all they would do would be to watch Harry sleep. </p><p>“But that’s okay. We need to see him because we need to reassure ourselves. I think we all need a bit of peace of mind, if that makes sense,” Niall explains. </p><p>Alberto looks at the boys and Zayn says, “what he said, mate.” Liam chimes in as well, “Exactly, we just want to see our boy.” </p><p>The guard can’t argue with that and drives them over earlier than what Paul had suggested. When they see Harry, no one comments, but peace of mind is not what they felt based on the exhaustion on Louis’ face and a pale Harry in bed.  </p><p>Zayn is the first to speak, “How is he?” </p><p>Paul recounts what happened and Dr. Weeks’ report. He follows it with the fact that Harry would be able to go home once he wakes up. That reassures everyone, but by dinner time, Harry still hasn’t woken up. By the next morning, there is still no change even though Dr. Weeks has reassured him that Harry is healing, and he will wake up when he is ready.</p><p>This doesn’t make anyone feel better and Paul has been in touch with Anne since the beginning. She is almost ready to hop on a plane when Harry wakes up almost 24 hours after the last time. </p><p>When he starts to come to, he feels like he is floating between sleep and awareness. Harry has no concept of time or where he is at the moment. But it is not a new feeling after touring around the world. When he feels disoriented in other times, he plays a little game with himself trying to remember where he is or at least what country he is in. Concentrating, he tries to remember, but he is coming up blank, like completely blank. His brain is not supplying him with any information and that alone scares him, and he opens his eyes. What he sees doesn’t reassure him at all. Paul is asleep in a chair next to his bed and the boys are spread out on a couch, another chair and Niall is on the floor. He looks down at himself seeing that he is wearing a hospital gown and then he sees his hand and the IV which causes him to sit up in fright.</p><p>“What, where. Paul! What’s going on?” Harry says looking around frantically until he feels his world shift. His spine seems to have stopped working and he slumps back into his bed. </p><p>Paul startles awake and sees Harry sitting up in bed and stands to reassure the young man, but before he gets there, he sees Harry’s eyes close and him fall back. Paul picks up Harry’s hand and gives him a reassuring squeeze, talking softly to the boy explaining what is happening. He uses his other hand to caress the side of Harry’s face, trying to provide him some comfort. </p><p>Harry hears Paul and gingerly opens his eyes again, leaning into Paul’s hand. </p><p>“There’s my lad. I bet you have had quite a shock. You had a small accident and got dizzy and fell, giving yourself a concussion. We took you to the hospital to check everything out. You are okay, just needed some stitches. Don’t be scared, we are here with you,” Paul continues explaining softly. </p><p>Harry nods in understanding and looks past Paul to the boys. They are all awake and watching Paul and Harry closely, various looks of fright, alarm, and compassion are littered on their faces. </p><p>“I’m okay, just scared for a bit. But, I’m okay. You guys are okay too, right?” Harry says trying to reassure himself and the boys. </p><p>“They wouldn’t leave your side, especially the short one,” Paul says. </p><p>Harry nods, offering a smile to his mates. He is starting to remember everything. </p><p>“We have to stop hanging out in hospitals,” Harry says trying to alleviate the situation. </p><p>Harry was released later that afternoon after Dr. Weeks said he was good to go with close monitoring. Harry interpreted that as not leaving the house and resting, the boys and their guards took it as he couldn’t even take a wee without someone being there. Finally, he had to tell them that his pee was shy and wouldn’t come out unless he had some privacy. Louis, more often than the others, insisted on standing right outside the door, but at least they gave in.  They wouldn’t let him walk either and were quick to scoop him up whenever he wanted to go to the next room. Harry didn’t dare complain, he knows it is how they care, but what he wouldn’t give to have a little alone time. </p><p>He rang his mum as soon as he was discharged. Anne was worried and hearing her voice, made him tear up. Louis was lying with him in bed when it happened and finally took the phone from Harry to reassure Anne. Harry was exhausted and didn’t seem to know what was going on at that point and Louis ended up consoling Anne before reassuring her that Harry would call back later. </p><p>One thing that didn’t change was him waking up and not remembering falling asleep. It is also a little disorienting when he thinks he was watching a movie and then wakes up in his bed unsure of how much time has gone by. But every time, someone is always nearby when he wakes. If it is not one of the boys, its Paul, Alberto or Paddy, the guards he is closest too. They tell him where he is and how long he has been asleep, reassuring him. It helps him not feel so out of sorts, grounding him and for that he is so grateful, saying as much at dinner one night.</p><p>They are gathered around eating Mexican food because they decided to have a theme for each night to keep them from eating junk all the time. Jack, their chef, hasn’t let them down yet. Harry’s appetite comes and goes and typically is connected to his pain level which Niall seems to pick up on the fastest. Whenever Harry starts to pick at his food, Niall retrieves his pain pills and hands them to him. Harry is appreciative, not wanting to draw attention, but in their bubble, it is kind of hard not to. </p><p>“Um, so, I wanted to tell you all, thank you,” Harry says.</p><p>“You are welcome, but why are you thanking us, Haz?” Louis asks. </p><p>“For taking care of me, being there when I wake up. It helps me not freak out,” Harry looks down at that admission, “so, like, yeah, um, I really appreciate it.”</p><p>“You can thank Niall for that. He seems to speak ‘Harry’,” Zayn says. </p><p>Harry looks at Niall and smiles. “Thanks, Ni,” he says and then looks around the rest of the table. The love he has for all of them seems to eek out of his eyes in the form of tears. He doesn’t know where he would be without them. But, seeing him tear up, seems to scare the others because questions start being fired off all at the same time.</p><p>“Are you hurting?”</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“What do you need?”</p><p>“Do you need the hospital?” </p><p>“Someone grab his meds.”</p><p>“No, no. I’m fine, just getting’ a little sentimental, that’s all. There’s so much meds in my body and emotions I have. I guess it takes a couple of whacks in the head to realize that I’m lucky,” Harry says trying to calm them down. </p><p>“Ah, Haz, always our sentimental one. We love you too,” Liam says, putting his arm around Harry.</p><p>“But, that’s two of you who have whacked me, we don’t need to go for all four, alright?” Harry says trying to diffuse the seriousness of the situation. </p><p>As the days go by, having free time with no set agenda or appointments is virtually unheard of and everyone seems a bit lost. Now that Harry is on the mend and staying awake longer and longer, the veil of seriousness that was hanging over the house seems to have lifted once again. His pain has lessened to the point where he has switched over to Ibuprofen and his dizzy spells are almost non-existent, as long as he gets up slowly. </p><p>Harry still likes rising before dawn and watching the day begin on the front porch. Jack, always has a cup of tea at the ready and when Louis wakes up to an empty bed, he is not alarmed any more. Liam and Zayn have fished a lot and Niall found some paddle boards and kayaks, pulling them out to use on the lake and that’s where the boys end up at least once during the day. </p><p>On one afternoon, everyone is at the lake partaking in the beautiful weather. With bathing suits on, Jack has brought down lunch and a fire pit was quickly set up on the shore to cook dogs and s’mores which they all gobbled down. </p><p>Harry hadn’t really ventured far into the water yet, other than hanging his feet over the dock, but as the day wore on and the sun rose in the sky, the summer heat was making itself known. </p><p>Liam and Niall were about waist deep tossing a football and Harry wades over to join them. They acknowledge Harry and ask if he wants to join, but Harry only shakes his head, not wanting any flying object near him thank you very much. </p><p>The water feels amazing and Harry decides to go a little bit deeper to stay clear of a wayward ball hitting him. He takes a few strokes, enjoying the feel of the water over his body and using his muscles, dormant for too long. </p><p>Watchful eyes do not stray far from Harry. Liam and Niall already exchanging a glance and subconsciously changing places so they can keep an eye on Harry. From the shore, Paul and Alberto already have a watchful eye on him, the other guards watching their charges. Nothing is said, but there is a tension in the air that wasn’t there before, Harry is a little out of everyone’s reach and no one is completely comfortable. </p><p>Harry is oblivious, he feels free, finally alone, floating on the surface, arms spread out, eyes closed, face up and a smile on his face. He loves the silence with his ears just below the surface, floating and not feeling any pressure anywhere. No pain, for really the first time since his accident. </p><p>“You think he is okay?” Niall asks after seeing Harry floating for awhile. </p><p>“Yeah, I think he is relaxing, look at the smile on his face,” Liam says. </p><p>“I don’t think they think he is okay,” Niall says, nodding towards the shore. </p><p>Liam looks over and sees Paul, Alberto Louis and Zayn watching Harry. He gives them all a thumbs up, motioning towards Harry, hoping to reassure them. It seems to because they wave, acknowledging Liam. Three of the four turn around, with Paul maintains his post. </p><p>Harry starts to feel his skin warm under the sun and so he folds his body up and lets himself sink below the surface. He waits until his bum touches the lake bottom before he pops back up and looks around. Niall and Liam are still playing catch nearby, Zayn and Louis kicking a ball back and forth on the shore with Basil. Paul is acting like a lifeguard and when he sees Harry looking his direction, he waves and Harry gives him a thumbs up, so he will not worry. </p><p>It all brings a smile to his face, his family is relaxing and it feels so good to do something normal for once. Harry decides to swim towards the dock and where there is a ladder. Falling into an easy freestyle, he enjoys feeling his muscles straining, after another breath, he dolphin dives underwater and does a crawl for a few strokes; loving being under water. Out of nowhere, he feels a sudden stab of pressure that is instant pain, it forces him to take in a breath. Water floods his mouth and windpipe, he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, pain, fear, pain. He looks up and sees light and pushes off the lake ground. Only, his feet don’t connect with anything, just water. Panic starts to take over, bubbles erupting from his mouth as his chest responds to the lack of oxygen. He moves his arms and attempts to send a message to his legs to kick to reach the surface, but they feel weighted down. The pain is increasing in his head when he breaks the surface and takes in a gulp of fresh air, coughing and sputtering before he goes below the surface again, too weak to stay above the water. </p><p>Paul watches intently as Harry swims towards the dock, sees him go underwater and then bubbles. His eyes go automatically to where he thinks Harry will surface and when he doesn’t, he is already heading towards the dock, Zayn and Louis notice and start to follow him. Liam is watching Harry as well, and when he sees Paul move, he starts swimming towards Harry, who is not more than 20 yards away. </p><p>When Harry surfaces and Liam sees his face, he knows something happened, and immediately shouts for help. Niall is right on his heels and his mind registers others responding on the shore. Right after Harry goes under the second time, Liam reaches him and dives under the water and grabs Harry around his waist bringing him to the surface. He feels Harry’s chest constrict as his head rolls around on his shoulder. </p><p>“I got you H, stay with me,” Liam says as he swims towards the dock where Paul is waiting with Louis almost there. </p><p>Niall swims up beside them, “Harry, stay with us man. You’re okay, stay with us. We got you,” Niall says calmly trying to reassure the young boy. </p><p>Harry hears them, but he can’t stop coughing, water continuing to come up. His eyes are closed, and he is exhausted and in pain, not understanding what happened. Soon, he feels more hands on him as his arms are lifted above him and then he is laying on something solid. Still coughing, someone is thumping his back as he keeps spitting out water, trying to catch him breath.</p><p>“There you go, son. Get it all out. You’re okay, we got you,” Paul says as Jon has Harry in the rescue position. </p><p>When it appears that Harry is done coughing up water, he feels himself rolled over onto his back, but he can’t bring himself to respond. He is so tired. There are voices all around him, hands on him and when someone pulls his eyelid open, he goes into the fetal position. His body shivering without his permission, causing his head to hurt even more. </p><p>“Harry, Harry, can you hear us? I need you tell me what’s wrong. What happened? Can you do that?” Jon asks kneeling close to Harry’s mouth listening to his breathing. </p><p>Harry hears the question, but his brain can’t formulate complete sentences at the moment. “Swim, hurt, pain, surprised, breath . . .” Harry says quietly. </p><p>“You felt pain and tried to take a breath?” Jon asks.</p><p>“Mmmm,” Harry gets out. </p><p>“You were underwater when it happened?” Jon asks. </p><p>“Mmmm,” Harry answers. </p><p>“Okay, did you hurt yourself? Run into anything?” Jon asks as Harry feels hands run over his body, and then closely feel around his head. </p><p>“No,” Harry answers softly, slowly losing that ability to stay awake.  </p><p>“Good, good. You are okay, just swallowed some water. I want to sit you up, but let me know if it hurts you,” Jon says. </p><p>Harry feels arms around his back and knows he is moving. There is zero strength to hold up his head and it falls down on his chest until someone gently places it on a firm chest. Harry just doesn’t know who. Coughs start racking his body again and some more water comes up. He feels a towel wipe his mouth and another towel is placed around his shoulders. </p><p>“There we go, you are okay. I know you are exhausted. Liam is going to carry you inside, okay?” Jon explains. </p><p>No, no, that is not what he wants. They were all having a great time and he doesn’t want it ruined on his account. Harry is exhausted and knows he is probably not making sense, but he doesn’t want to leave. He forces his eyes open and looks straight ahead and sees Niall right away, holding onto his ankles, concern etched on his face. </p><p>“Give me a minute, please,” he gets out. </p><p>“We can do that,” Jon says. </p><p>Harry winces as his head throbs and presses into the warmth of Liam’s chest. Liam looks down at Harry and subconsciously tightens his hold, more to reassure himself. He kisses the top of Harry’s head. </p><p>“I got you Haz, whatever you need,” Liam says. </p><p>“Don’t want to go in, please. Let me stay outside. Don’t want to ruin day,” Harry gets out, still leaning into Liam.  </p><p>Liam smiles at the self-effacing boy and looks up at Jon who also has a smile on his face. Looking around, he sees the fear changing into relief on the everyone’s faces. </p><p>“Well, what do you think Jon, can Harry stay out here? We can set him up on the beach,” Liam asks. </p><p>Jon looks at Paul, nodding as if answering Paul’s unspoken questions. Paul lets out the breath he is holding and sees Harry, barely awake in Liam’s arms. He knows that if Harry goes inside, they are all going inside and if Harry stays outside, they are all going to be on the beach, watching him anyway. </p><p>He looks up to the other boys and thinks, it’s time to call it a day anyway. They already ate and the sun is close to setting. </p><p>Louis seems to think the same, “I think we need to head inside. I’m already feeling knackered and I didn’t get hit in the head,” he says. </p><p>The other boys catch on and echo Louis, Liam speaking softly to Harry. </p><p>“Haz, I think we are all a bit done for the day. Let me carry you back to the house and you can rest,” Liam tells the boy. </p><p>Harry doesn’t respond because he is already out, not able to stay awake. His false bravado catching up to him when his body makes the decision for him to rest.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Harry wakes, it’s dark out and he is in bed. He feels arms around him and looking down, he sees it is Louis’. Not surprised, at all, it provides him comfort. He thinks back through his day and realizes what happened. He remembers everything and with his head hurting, feeling like he is dying, and he is just so tired of it all. Why do these things keep happening to him?</p><p>He can’t help it when tears start falling and his body is racked with sobs. Harry is so tired, he wants to be better, he is being an inconvenience to everyone, even the fans, who he hadn’t even thought about. The sobs increase and he can’t be quiet anymore.</p><p>Louis wakes up to a shaking Harry in his arms and sobs. Fear is the first instinct that takes over, thinking he is hurt. He sits up and runs a calming hand along Harry’s back. </p><p>“H, what’s going on?” Louis asks softly. </p><p>Harry hears Louis speaking, but he can’t make out the words, he doesn’t answer, his body responding for him as it shakes. </p><p>Louis thinks Harry is falling into a panic attack and pulls Harry up into his arms, crossing his own arms around Harry, applying soft pressure. He lifts up Harry’s head and looks at his face for any sign of pain and when he sees none, continues to hold Harry as he cries trying to sooth the boy.</p><p>“Shhh, you’re okay, Haz. Try to match your breathing to mine. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise,” Louis continues to whispering comforting and encouraging words to soothe Harry. </p><p>Louis looks up when he hears the door open and sees Liam. </p><p>“You guys okay in here? I heard noises,” Liam asks. </p><p>“He woke up crying and shaking, don’t know why,” Louis answers. He looks down and Harry is hiccupping and shaking, but his sobs have quieted down. </p><p>Liam climbs on the bed and sits next to Harry, so he can look at him. He gently lifts Harry’s head and brushes his hair off of his forehead. </p><p>“H, why are you crying? Please tell us, we hate to see you like this,” Liam implores Harry to respond. </p><p>Harry hears Liam and pushes into Liam’s hand stroking his face, his cool palm feeling good on his heated skin. He opens his eyes and sees the concerned look on Liam’s face. He rolls to his side, with his head resting on Louis’ chest, facing Liam and Louis settles his arms around him again. </p><p>“I’m so tired,” he says softly. </p><p>A questioning look flits across Liam’s face and he looks at Louis who looks the same. </p><p>“It’s okay to be tired . . .” Liam is cut off.</p><p>“No, not like tired, tired. Like tired of being hurt, of the setbacks, of not being able to do the things I want to do. My brain says do things and then my body won’t let me. And the fans, what do they think. They must be mad at us, mad at me . . .” </p><p>Louis interrupts with a scoff, “Screw the fans and anyone else. You don’t need to worry about them.”</p><p>Liam sees Harry flinch at Louis’ words and gives Louis a face.</p><p>“Lou, stop it,” Liam says softly before turning back to Harry. “But, we both know you do. The four of us have been on Twitter and been sending out updates. The fans know what is going on and we have asked for privacy to allow you to heal. Your fans don’t want you to push yourself. When you feel better, I’ll show you the messages they have been sending.” </p><p>Liam pauses and looks at Harry to see if his words are helping. With another look to Louis, he continues “Your body is healing, that is why your brain is telling you to do things. You just have to find the balance of how far you can go. Like when you were swimming, I was watching you and you were fine until you went too deep. That doesn’t mean you can’t swim, it just means you can’t swim underwater. . .” As Liam continues to explain things, Louis feels Harry start to relax and then he goes to sit up. “And when Louis hit you on the head.”</p><p>“Hey,” Louis cuts off. </p><p>“Your brain told you to pick up the rack, but if you hadn’t of gotten hit, you probably would have been fine, right?” Liam just continues ignoring Louis. </p><p>Harry nods. </p><p>“And the sleeping, you are exhausted. Sleeping is healing and if you can sleep without pain, that means your body is getting better,” Liam says.</p><p>Louis looks at him, wondering if Liam is extolling a bunch of bull shit or does he really know this? Or, does it really matter if it is calming Haz down. </p><p>Liam is holding both of Harry’s hands now, and speaking even quietly, “. . . and besides, no one blames you. If anything, you gave us a chance to rest ourselves. Albeit, we didn’t want you to get hurt to do it, but you are giving us an opportunity to just be guys and do guy things without having to be One Direction, trying to maintain an image, always looking over shoulders. There are no cameras here and even our guards can relax. Hell, I caught Al sleeping on the job and you know he never does that.” </p><p>That causes Harry to chuckle and Louis thinks this crisis is averted. They all three turn when they hear the door open and see Niall.</p><p>“Is there a party and you didn’t tell me? Where’s the food?” Niall asks, looking around. </p><p>“No party, Ni. Just talking,” Louis explains. </p><p>Niall looks over the scene and sees the tear tracks on Harry’s face and pretty much gets an idea of what happened. He ignores the elephant in the room and goes and sits on the bed. “Well, since we are up, movie?” he asks. Reaching for the remote and turning on the telly. </p><p>The other three exchange glances and shrug their shoulders and settle themselves down. Harry snuggles back into Louis’s arms feeling better. He knows what Liam said makes sense, he allowed himself to get into his own head and he shouldn’t. The alternative is him not being here at all, that idea sends chills down his back. Louis feels him and looks down, tightening his hold over him. He hears him whisper, “I got you, I will always have you,” with a kiss on his head. </p><p>Harry sighs into Louis’s arms and settles down to watch the movie. He doesn’t really care what’s on, but he is with people that makes him feel safe. </p><p> </p><p>When Harry wakes again, he is alone in bed. It takes a minute to orientate himself, remembering falling asleep with Louis, Liam and Niall in the room. He reaches over to the table next to the bed, looking for his phone and sees that it is almost noon. </p><p>Ugh, he thinks as he rubs his hands over his face. Thinking back to last night and the day before. Liam’s words ring in his mind, especially the part about finding the balance. He loved swimming yesterday and wants to do it today. No one will probably let him, but maybe if he asks Liam and Jon to come out with him, he can swim. It felt so wonderful yesterday. </p><p>He groans and sits up on the edge of the bed. When he doesn’t feel dizzy, he stands up and walks out into the common room. Everyone is up and they greet him, but he doesn’t miss Louis’ and Paul’s watchful eye as he walks into the kitchen for tea. </p><p>Harry counts in his head and doesn’t even make it to 30 until Louis is coming in. </p><p>“Hey Haz, how are you feeling?” Louis asks as he slings an arm over his shoulder. </p><p>“Good, sorry I slept so long. You could have woken me up,” Harry answers.</p><p>“Nah, you needed it and you didn’t miss anything. Do you feel better?” Louis asks. </p><p>Harry thinks before answering. Nothing hurts, his brain feels foggy, but that could be lack of caffeine. His emotions don’t feel heightened like they did last night. </p><p>“I’m good, I think,” Harry says, but is almost questioning. </p><p>“Good. I thought you were hurting last night. We were wondering if you may want to do a little hiking. Andy found a trail not too far away and it takes us to the top of that hill behind the cabin,” Louis asks.</p><p>Harry wants to swim but hiking sounds fun too. He nods and takes a sip of tea.</p><p>Louis smiles and claps his hands, turning towards the living room. “Harry said yes, mates. Let’s do some hiking. Go get ready.” </p><p>“Why don’t we let Harry eat first and then we’ll leave,” Paul says. </p><p>In an hour, all ten of them are ready to go. Paul makes sure everyone has a bottle of water, sprayed them all with bug-spray and sunscreen and they head out. Not one for being outdoors, even Zayn has a smile on his face. There are a lot of side convos going on and everyone is kind of in their own world as they steadily climb. The sign says it is a two-mile climb and no one comments when Paul insists, they stop at the occasional bench and drink water. Harry can feel his body working hard, but he likes it and doesn’t feel tired. </p><p>About an hour later, they reach the top where they have a 360-degree view of the area. They discover the lake by the cabin wraps around and is bigger than they even thought. There are also some other cabins in the distance, but not near theirs. </p><p>All of them spread out and sit down, new water bottles are handed out and they catch their breath and enjoy the view. </p><p>No asks Harry how he is feeling, for that he is thankful because it is all so normal.<br/>
In its own way, it’s nice and the scenery is beautiful. Smiling to himself, he takes it all in. He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knows, he is being shaken awake and Zayn is kneeling down in front of him. </p><p>“H, it’s time to go back, you good?” </p><p>Harry sits up and stretches and he is, he really feels good. He looks around and notices the sun has moved across the sky a little more than the thought. He is stiff from how he was laying and when Zayn pulls him up, he stumbles a bit, feeling a bit woozy. Zayn just frowns and squeezes his arms. </p><p>“I’m good, just got up too fast. Thanks,” Harry says after a few seconds.<br/>
Zayn nods and doesn’t make a big deal out of it. </p><p>Everyone starts heading down the hill, quiet, lost in their own thoughts, but in good spirits. </p><p>Upon returning to the cabin, they are all sweaty and smelly. Jack greets them at the door and directs them to the back of the house where he has laid out a whole spread of burgers and salads. </p><p>“Did I ever tell you that you’re my favorite?” Niall asks. </p><p>“Of course, he makes you food,” Liam says. </p><p>“This is so nice, thank you,” Harry says as he quietly sits down and starts building his burger. Others echo the same sentiment as they dig in. </p><p>Everyone is tired, but happy and Paul directs them to take turns showering but not before leaving their clothes in the laundry room, so they don’t stink up the house. Harry showers after he finishes his burger, coming back down to join the table. </p><p>When everyone has eaten their fill, Jack brings out dessert and Niall reiterates what he said earlier. “Jack, you think you can come on tour with us? I could eat like this every day,” Niall says. “What do you say Paul? Can we hire him?” </p><p>“Ha, you can’t afford me,” Jack responds.</p><p>“You’ll get fat,” Liam offers. </p><p>“I may, but it will be worth it,” Niall says with a smile. </p><p>They continue to talk as the sun sets and Harry just listens, resting his head on his hand.  Before long, the mosquitos start in and they start to clear the table and clean up, bringing items back inside to Jack casting fond smiles at a sleeping Harry who is passed out on the table.  </p><p>“What about him?” Louis asks with his hands on his hips, standing next to Paul. Louis smiles down at Harry, caught up in the cuteness of the scene so he snaps a picture. </p><p>“I could carry him back to his room,” Paul offers. </p><p>“I think that would be best. He did a lot today and he didn’t complain about being in pain. Didn’t even take any pills, I think,” Louis says. </p><p>Paul lifts Harry up and carries him to his bed, the others standing aside as they pass. There are smiles and frowns on their faces. Today was a good day, they did normal things and for a little bit, they were able to forget why they were all there. Seeing Harry passed out, exhausted, it reminds them that he is still healing, that they are all still healing. </p><p> </p><p>Two days later, Harry wakes before the sun and goes outside again. He grabs his cup of tea from Jack, but instead of sitting on the porch, he heads out to the dock. It is quickly becoming one of his favorite places, next to the porch. He sits down and puts his feet up on the other chair and takes in the view. </p><p>He missed coming outside the last two days after sleeping in due to the activities the day before, but it felt great to hike and he knows he is becoming stronger each day. Not a lot of pain and he has been able to avoid taking any pain pills. He pulls off his ever-present beanie and gingerly touches the top of his head and grimaces when he applies a little bit of pressure, preparing for the pain but is pleasantly surprised when it is manageable.  </p><p>“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you,” a voice says.</p><p>Harry jumps, looking towards the direction of the voice and sees Jon coming from the other direction. </p><p>“Good morning,” Harry says with a smile. </p><p>“Little far from the house, don’t you think?” Jon asks, his eyes moving in the direction of the house. </p><p>Harry looks back and realizes he can’t see the house and that means they can’t see him. Oops, he has broken his agreement with Paul. </p><p>“Um, well, I didn’t mean too,” Harry says.</p><p>“Don’t’ worry, I won’t tell. How are you feeling? Haven’t seen a lot you the last two days,” Jon asks. </p><p>“Better, I think. I feel stronger. It just took a lot out of me and I slept longer than I thought I would,” Harry answers.</p><p>“Sleep is good. It heals,” Jon responds.</p><p>“If I had a pound for every time I hear that, I would be a millionaire,” Harry laughs. </p><p>“Well, I think you already are,” Jon says chuckling.</p><p>“What are you doing out here?” Harry asks.</p><p>Jon holds up the fishing pole and tackle box. “Always loved fishing. Haven’t had a chance to do it in awhile, figured I would take advantage of it while I can.”</p><p>“Catch anything?” Harry asks. </p><p>“Some, but I release it back. It is more about being in nature, the peace it brings me, being out here. Think you know something about that,” Jon says with a smile. </p><p>Harry nods, he does. “Want to join me?” Harry asks, moving his feet. </p><p>“Sure,” Jon says, putting down his tackle and brings out a carafe of coffee. </p><p>They settle in silence and watch the sun rise, enjoying their morning caffeine. </p><p>Harry is the first to break the silence. “It’s kind of nice, you know. Not having to rush from place to place. I didn’t realize how hectic our lives had become and how loud, until we slowed down and are surrounded by silence.”</p><p>Jon laughs. “Yeah, your lives are hectic. Sometimes, the other guys and me, we don’t know how you all do it. We don’t like the schedule you’ve been keeping.”</p><p>“But don’t we have to, I mean, isn’t that our job?” Harry asks. </p><p>“Yes and no. You all are employees, but without you, some people wouldn’t have a job. They are here because you all are a band. You DO have a say in how things go,” Jon says. </p><p>“We are so young though. Would anyone even listen to us, if we were to say anything?” Harry asks. </p><p>“The way I see it, if you weren’t so rushed for time, you wouldn’t have had only two days to work in a video shoot. If you had more time, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt. What’s not to say another one of you won’t get hurt because you all are short on time. My mum always said haste makes waste, but also haste is when accidents happen. I’ve seen my share of them as an EMT,” Jon explains. </p><p>Harry processes over what Jon says. It makes sense, but how can they change anything? He voices that question to Jon. </p><p>“Well, have a meeting. First, meet with the boys and see what they think. Then, ask to meet with your managers, Paul first. Since your management will need to shuffle things around because of your recovery, there is no reason why they can’t build in some more time. I mean, you could even say it is necessary for you to rest and not become over tired. But, I’m just a guard, I don’t know anything,” Jon says with a wink to Harry. </p><p>Harry knows what he is saying, and he is not wrong. It gives him something to think about, but he needs to talk with the others. </p><p>“Well, I think I’m going to head in. Why don’t you join me, so you won’t get a tongue lashing from Paul,” Jon says with a smile. </p><p>Harry’s stomach rumbles and he agrees, heading back towards the cabin with Jon. Paul is standing on the front porch like a sentry. When he sees Harry, his shoulders visibly relax.</p><p>“’Morning,” Harry says with a bashful smile. </p><p>“Good morning. Couldn’t see you,” Paul starts.</p><p>“Yeah, Harry and I decided to have our morning brew on the dock. It’s all good, right?” Jon says as he slaps a hand down on Paul’s shoulder. </p><p>“Hrumpf, didn’t know where you were,” Paul replies. </p><p>“Oh, I forgot to tell Jack. My mistake, all is good. Wow, smells good in there,” Jon says changing the conversation. He stands with the door open, “Harry, let’s get breakfast.” </p><p>Harry puts his head down, trying to hide his smile as he walks past Paul and Jon and heads towards the kitchen. He is not sure that they managed to fool Paul, but he is off the hook at least. </p><p>Later that day, Harry seeks out Liam. He is in what they have started calling the music room. Liam is in there with Louis and Zayn, working on some lyrics which is typically where most of the boys are in the afternoon. </p><p>“Hey Liam, when you all take a break, can you come find me?” Harry asks when the boys look up at him. </p><p>“Everything okay Harry? I thought you were resting,” Louis says, a crease in his forehead showing whenever he is concerned.</p><p>“I’m actually not that tired today, kind of wanted to go out to the lake, try out what you were talking about to me the other night. Thought maybe you would like to join me or any of you can,” Harry said. </p><p>Liam looks over at the other guys and they nod, “Well, I think we are wrapping up today. Give me a minute and I will go change. Louis, Zayn, care to join us?” </p><p>Thirty minutes later, the boys are at the beach with Jon, Paul and Andy. Harry had spoken with Jon, asking if he could watch them and Jon agreed, especially once Harry told him he only wanted to swim. Jon got out a view kayaks and said he would stay nearby. Harry didn’t really care what anyone else did, he wanted to test his strength and see how far he could swim. There was a small island, if one could call it that, about 200 yards out and Harry wanted to see if he could make it. Liam, being a strong swimmer himself, said he would join Harry. </p><p>They head out and Harry finds himself on sandy ground again. Harry set the pace, Liam joined him and Jon kayaked nearby. Walking, more like crawling to the shore, Harry lays down on the beach catching his breath. He freestyled over and kept a pretty good steady pace, but he is feeling it now. Shit, how he is going to get back, he thinks. </p><p>“You did pretty good there, H. How you feel?” Liam asks.</p><p>“Ask me tomorrow,” Harry answers, rolling over. </p><p>Nothing hurts, put the bone deep exhaustion is there. He lays on his stomach, head resting on his hands, eyes closed. It’s not long until he is sound asleep. </p><p>“He good?” Jon calls over.</p><p>Liam looks down at Harry, he wasn’t even paying attention, trying to catch his own breath and sees that Harry is out. “I think he is asleep,” Liam responds. </p><p>Jon paddles up to the shore, climbs out and walks over to Harry. He checks his pulse and listens to his breathing. </p><p>“He okay?” Liam asks now starting to be concerned. </p><p>“Yeah, think he overdid it,” Jon says. </p><p>“You think? That is Harry’s M.O. He doesn’t know when to stop. So, how are we going to get him back?” Liam asks. </p><p>Jon is not surprised that Harry is exhausted, but he got himself into this mess and Jon wants to see how he gets himself out of it. He hands a bottle of water to Liam and sits down. </p><p>“We get back the same way we came, but now we wait,” Jon answers. </p><p>“You knew this would happen, didn’t you?” Liam asks. </p><p>“I suspected, but Harry wanted to do this and instead of us keeping him from doing things he wants, he needs to figure out what his body is capable of. It is part of his healing,” Jon explains. </p><p>“Yeah, but Harry is so sick of hearing about the process. He is trying to be positive, but it is wearing him down. His spark is gone, you know. Like what makes Harry, Harry has grown dull. It’s hard to watch,” Liam says. </p><p>Jon and Liam don’t speak after Liam’s confession, Jon is processing and knows he is treading on heavy territory. </p><p>“Do you blame yourself?” Jon asks. </p><p>“Yes, no, maybe. I don’t know,” Liam answers, rubbing his face indecisively. It was an accident and I felt horrible. He doesn’t blame me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t watch his every step, hoping, praying he doesn’t fall and hurt himself, doesn’t faint and not be in pain. I think that is the worst part is seeing him in pain. I hate it, you know?” </p><p>“I do, yes,” Jon answers. </p><p>“You were a paramedic, right?” Liam asks. </p><p>“Still am, was one of the reasons why I was hired actually. In case you boys needed first aide, I would be nearby,” Jon answers.</p><p>“I’m glad you’re here. It helps keep Paul calm and it’s reassuring,” Liam says and Jon nods accepting the compliment. “Have you seen your patients, before I mean, get their spark back? Recover, I mean.” Liam asks. </p><p>Jon shakes his head, “No, paramedics ‘treat them and street them.’ We aren’t really in a position to follow up. But with Harry, he is recovering. He is so much better than he was and look where we are. We wouldn’t be here if he didn’t have the confidence to do this.” </p><p>“True. How long do we let him sleep?” Liam asks looking at Harry, who is drooling on his hand. </p><p>“I thought an hour should do and then I can tow him back or he can swim. If you want to swim back, you can. I’ll stay with him,” Jon says. </p><p>Liam looks at Harry and decides to stay and he and Jon fall into an easy banter until Jon suggests they wake up Harry. </p><p>When Harry comes too, his body feels a bit achy, but he feels better. </p><p>“Hello, Sleeping Beauty, ready to head back to the house?” Liam asks. </p><p>Harry sits up and stretches and realizes he is out in the lake. “Sorry about that,” he says. </p><p>“No worries mate. Feel like you can swim back?” Jon asks, helping Harry stand back up and handing him a granola bar. </p><p>Jon studies Harry and while he has his hand, he checks his pulse. Seeing no sign of dizziness, he is reassured. </p><p>Harry eyes the shore, he is tired, but not as tired as before. “I think so. Li, you’ll be nearby?” </p><p>“Yeah. Jon will be in the kayak in case you need him to pull you in,” Liam says. </p><p>They set out and Harry knows he is really pushing himself. Stretching his muscles and gliding through the water feels great. He doesn’t want to stop, but his head is starting to hurt. He looks up and sees Louis standing on the shore watching them and that is all the motivation he needs. He is not stopping, but he slows down. </p><p>On the shore, Louis is watching closely. He didn’t like that they were gone for so long, but he couldn’t clearly see the island to know what was going on. Louis is reassured that Liam is on one side and Jon is on the other. Harry seems to be keeping up, but he already feels like there will be consequences. As they get closer, Louis goes out to meet Harry. He doesn’t miss how pale he looks when he stops.</p><p>“Hi Lou,” a smiling Harry says when he looks up.</p><p>“Hi yourself love. You okay?” Louis asks. </p><p>“Honestly?” Harry asks.</p><p>Louis looks from Jon to Liam, “yes, honestly.”</p><p>“I’m bloody exhausted. Help me to bed,” Harry says as he starts to walk past Louis. </p><p>Louis is stunned down to his toes. Harry Styles admitting how he is actually feeling and wanting help. Did hell freeze over? </p><p>“You coming, Lou?” Harry asks, still a bit out of breath.  </p><p>Louis cocks an eye at Jon and Liam and they both offer a smile and he turns around to help Harry. </p><p>“Come on Haz, I got you,” Louis says, putting an arm around Harry’s waist. </p><p>Harry is thankful that Louis is helping him because he doesn’t think he will make it on his own. His bravado is all gone. </p><p>“Think my pride may have done me in, Lou. I can hardly walk,” Harry says. </p><p>“Does anything hurt?” Louis asks. He is almost carrying all of Harry’s weight. </p><p>“My head, but not in the normal places,” Harry says. </p><p>“I’ll get you some water. Proud of you though. That’s a long swim and you did it. What were you all doing on the island?” Louis asks. </p><p>“I was resting so I could come back. Jon offered to tow me back, but I wanted to do it on my own, you know? Wanted to prove to myself I could,” Harry says. </p><p>“You did, but let’s get you dry and you can lay down, okay?” Louis says. </p><p>Harry wants nothing more. He really did overdo it, but it felt like a turning point for him. When they got to the bedroom, Louis helped him change and grabbed him some meds. Harry remembers taking them and not much else. His body was ready to rest. </p><p>After getting Harry settled, Louis looks down and sees Harry is sound asleep. He smiles down at the boy and moves a lock of hair off of Harry’s forehead. “What am I going to do with you sweet boy?” He bends down and kisses Harry’s cheek before he leaves to join the others.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We have some movement in this chapter. Let me know thoughts, ideas. Cheers.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dr. Weeks comes for his weekly visit and he is impressed with how well Harry is doing. He listens as Harry explains what he has been doing for exercise while Paul listens at the door. Dr. Weeks runs his tests, taking Harry’s vitals and is pleased so far, but there are a few more tests he would like to run. </p><p>He explains to Harry that he is going to have him do similar tests with what they do with drivers that the police suspect are drunk. Harry thinks he has nothing to worry about it because he feels so much better. </p><p>“Okay Harry, I want you to close your eyes, spread your arms out and then alternate touching your index finger to your nose,” Dr. Weeks explains. </p><p>Harry does so and Paul finds himself smiling seeing the innocent and pure look of accomplishment on Harry’s face. </p><p>“Good, now close your eyes again, put your arms out and lift your right leg, bending your knee,” Dr. Weeks says. </p><p>Harry does so and opens his eyes and sees Dr. Weeks encouraging smile. </p><p>“Now, do the same thing on the other side,” Dr. Weeks directs as he steps closer to Harry. </p><p>This time, Harry quickly loses his balance and Dr. Weeks steadies him. Even Paul takes a step forward. Harry’s has a look of consternation on his face, he doesn’t understand why he lost his balance. </p><p>“Let’s try it one more time, only lift your leg a little more slowly,” Dr. Weeks says. </p><p>Harry does it and feels a wave of vertigo come over him and he is falling to the side before he can steady himself. </p><p>“I got you, let’s sit you on the bed for a moment,” Dr. Weeks says in a soothing tone. “You’ll be okay in a moment.”</p><p>Harry’s head is resting on his hands and his eyes are screwed shut to stop the room spinning. He doesn’t understand what just happened. He was fine and then he wasn’t. </p><p>“Dr. Weeks, what happened?” Paul asks. </p><p>“Yeah, what he said,” Harry thinks, but he can’t get the words out. </p><p>“Harry’s injury was on his right side of his brain which controls the left side of his body. I was checking for his neurological functions. His right side is strong and healthy, but his left side is still healing. That is why he felt dizzy. Are you still dizzy when you stand up from laying down?” Dr. Weeks says. </p><p>“Yeah, I mean sometimes. I will be fine for a few days and then it hits with no warning,” Harry answers. </p><p>“What side of the bed do you sleep on?” Dr. Weeks asks. </p><p>“The right side,” Harry answers.</p><p>“Any dizziness getting out of bed?” </p><p>“No, not since the first week,” Harry answers.</p><p>“Where are you the other times?”</p><p>“The couch, or lying on the floor,” Harry responds.</p><p>“Were you lying on the left side by any chance when you got up?” </p><p>Harry looks at Paul, confused and not certain. </p><p>“If I may, last night he was dizzy when he stood up. Remember, Louis helped you and steadied you,” Paul reminds Harry. “He was laying on his left side watching a movie when it happened.”</p><p>“Yes, that sounds about right. Pay attention and try to lay on your right side at all times and you will not be dizzy. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to be careful. Are you up to one more test?” Dr. Weeks says. </p><p>Harry nods and stands up. Dr. Weeks explains that he wants Harry to put his arms out again and walk like he is on a balance beam, going heel to toe. </p><p>Easy peezy, Harry thinks. With his right foot there is no problem, but with his left leg, he can’t do it. He feels like the ground is coming up to meet him and he puts his foot down to the side. Harry grimaces and goes to do it again, but the same thing happens. </p><p>“God damn it,” he blurts out as he goes for a third time. Only, he finds himself tumbling to the floor, not able to catch himself and a yell escapes when his head hits the floor.</p><p>Dr. Weeks tries to grab him, but the momentum of his fall causes him to slip through his fingers.   </p><p>“Harry!” Paul shouts rushing to Harry’s side. </p><p>“Don’t move Harry, stay there for a moment,” Dr. Weeks says as he kneels down next to him. </p><p>With his eyes closed, Harry mutters, “Didn’t plan too.” He lays there keeping his eyes shut, trying to quell the nausea that is rising up, while at the same time deal with his head that begins pounding when it bounced off the floor. </p><p>Meanwhile, Louis hears Paul shout from down the hall. He looks up from his phone and sees the other guys in the room do the same thing, but before it registers, Louis is off the couch and heading down the hall. </p><p>He sees Harry on the floor with Dr. Weeks and Paul on either side and fear grips him. </p><p>“What happened? Is he okay?” Louis fires off questions.</p><p>“Not now Louis, you need to stay outside,” Paul says. </p><p>“Not bloody likely, why is he on the floor?” Louis says. His stubborn streak setting in until he gets an answer. </p><p>To further emphasize his point, he walks over next to Paul.</p><p>Dr. Weeks looks up at the young man, “We were doing some balance tests and he got dizzy, fell and his head hit the floor. Now, please keep your voice down,” Dr. Weeks explains.</p><p>Properly chastised, the grip of fear on his heart loosens a bit. “Oh, Harry,” he says and puts a comforting hand on leg. </p><p>Harry hears Louis and knows he is scared, he tries to call his name to reassure him, but his head is really hurting him. He goes for reaching out his hand and feels someone grab it. </p><p>“Lou . . . okay,” Harry musters.</p><p>Hearing Harry talking reassures but scares him at the same time. </p><p>Dr. Weeks tells Harry he is going to roll him on his back and asks Harry to open his eyes. </p><p>“Can’t” Harry quietly says, the pain obvious in his voice.</p><p>“Can you tell me what is going on?” Dr. Weeks asks.</p><p>“Head . . . hurts, like before . . .” Harry says. </p><p>Dr. Weeks gently starts feeling around Harry’s head and feels a small bump on the side and doesn’t miss the whine that escapes Harry’s mouth when his hand brushes it. </p><p>“Harry, I need to check your eyes, can you open them?” Dr. Weeks ask. </p><p>Harry tries, but the room is too bright and says as much. Louis looks to the other boys in the doorway and Liam quickly pulls the curtains and turns off the overhead light. </p><p>“Try now, Haz, it’s a little darker,” Louis tells him. </p><p>This time when Harry opens his eyes, it’s better and Dr. Weeks shines a light in them which doesn’t help his pain any. He turns his head away trying to fight it. </p><p>“Hold on Harry, almost finished You’re doing great,” Dr. Weeks says as he finishes. “Okay, now do you think you can sit up?”</p><p>Keeping his eyes closed, Harry nods and feels arms around his back, helping him. Once he is upright, he opens his eyes looking at the three men. </p><p>“Could I have something for my head, it really hurts?” he asks. </p><p>“Yes, let’s get you in bed first. I don’t think you will be doing much the rest of the day,” Dr. Weeks says. </p><p>They get Harry up and he can barely support his weight. Louis quickly folds back the covers and Paul goes and grabs his meds and some water, while Louis helps him get settled. Harry just wants the pain to stop and says as much to Dr. Weeks. </p><p>“Can’t you give me a sedative or something? I just want it to stop now,” Harry asks, pain evident in his voice. He feels guilty for asking, but the pain is unbearable. </p><p>Dr. Weeks looks down at his patient, face in a frown because Harry has never once asked for something stronger and it is concerning. </p><p>“Harry, I know it hurts, but I need you to tell me what you are feeling. Can you do that?” Dr. Weeks asks. </p><p>By now, Harry is gritting his teeth and Louis can see his veins straining against the pain. </p><p>“Pressure, throbbing. Like a knife is being hammered into me,” Harry says. </p><p>“Where?” Dr. Weeks asks. </p><p>Harry lifts his hands and points to his temples and the back of his head on his hairline. </p><p>A migraine, Dr. Weeks thinks. That he can deal with. It is not welcomed, but not unexpected. He tells Paul to wait on the pain medication and pulls a syringe and vial out of his bed and injects Harry with something stronger hoping that it will help him. He explains to Paul and the other boys what he is doing when Louis looks at his suspiciously.</p><p>Louis has climbed into bed on the other side and is trying to massage the pain away and Harry lays there quietly whimpering until he falls asleep. The three men realize he is resting comfortably, and they all breathe a collective sigh of relief. </p><p>“What happened?” Louis asks. </p><p>Dr. Weeks explains what got to this point, the other two following along. </p><p>“But Harry has been doing so well, swimming, hiking. What does this mean?” Paul asks. </p><p>“He is healing, and, on the surface, it looks like he is fine. Today is not a setback but reveals that he is not quite done healing. It has only been a month and with this type of injury we are looking at four to six months recovery. Pain is the body’s way of telling us that it needs more time. It’s miserable for him, but it is how the body communicates. That and the dizzy feeling. You can check on his progress by doing those same exercises that I did, but stand a little closer this time,” Dr. Weeks explains. </p><p>“What about now, does he have a concussion?” Louis asks looking down at Harry. </p><p>“No concussion, but any type of head trauma, even a slight bump needs to be taken seriously. Call me or if he loses consciousness, he has to go to the hospital. To be honest, with his type of injury, he is lucky. Most people don’t survive without major brain damage but because they were able to help him so soon, it saved his life. Thirty minutes more and you would have been planning his funeral,” Dr. Weeks says.</p><p>Both Paul and Louis exchange glances, not masking the fear. Louis hears a sharp intake of breath from the boys in the doorway.</p><p>“I’m not saying this to scare you, but you need to understand that Harry is healing and it will take time. He was so close to death that you can’t come back from quickly. Now, he will probably be out until tomorrow. If he does wake again and is in pain, give him some pills, but try to get some crackers or broth in him first. Watch out for vomiting, if that happens, ring me, otherwise, I want to come back tomorrow and follow up. Keep things low key for tomorrow,” Dr. Weeks says. </p><p>Paul nods his head and he goes to walk the doctor out. When he returns, he sees the boys and the guards in the living room. They all look at him, not a single one hiding the concern on their faces. </p><p>“We heard Harry yell and then crying, what happened?” Zayn asks. </p><p>Paul fills them in and doesn’t leave out the severity of what Dr. Weeks said, repeating again what they already heard. When he finishes, Niall is the first to move and walks past Paul to Harry’s and Louis’ room. </p><p>Niall sees Louis next to Harry, gently rubbing his head and without saying anything, Niall climbs in on the other side of Harry and wraps his arms around him. Breathing in Harry’s scent and finding comfort in hearing him breathing. </p><p>“Paul told you?” Louis asks. </p><p>Niall nods, a few tears leaking out of his eyes. </p><p>“I get it, Ni. Hold him as long as you want,” Louis says and quietly climbs off the bed to give Niall some time with Harry. </p><p> </p><p>After waking up the next day to a dull throb coming from his head, he finds Niall in his bed and he quickly explains what happened. Hearing voices, Paul comes in and fills in the gaps while Harry sits up and tries to make sense of it all. </p><p>Dr. Weeks came by again and reiterated what Paul had said and updated Harry on his healing progress. It wasn’t what Harry wanted to hear, but he didn’t really have a choice. The rest of the day, someone was always by him and typically up against him or touching him in some way. </p><p>He couldn’t even wee without Louis following along. Harry realizes that it is how they show they care, even the guards hung out in the living room as they watched movies and played games. Harry found himself in and out of sleep, but no one comments. Dr. Weeks had said he was sleeping off the sedatives. </p><p> </p><p>When the next day came and they wouldn’t leave him alone, Harry was ready to scream. It must have been obvious because people were near, but not on top of him like before. Finally, Zayn said he wanted to go to the dock and asked Harry to come. It was all the motivation he needed. </p><p>They didn’t talk once they got settled until Zayn finally broke the silence, which was unusual for him. </p><p>“You scared us, you know,” he finally says. </p><p>It takes a few seconds for Harry to process what was said, and he doesn’t know how to respond, not really wanting to go down this path so he decides to not say anything. </p><p>“Doc said you were close to death. Don’t think we understood how close until the other day, when we heard you fall. Thought you were better than you were, it was a reality check that we weren’t quite ready for, ya?” Zayn explains, taking a drag off his cigarette. </p><p>Harry sits there listening, not sure what to say.</p><p>“Makes sense, they said it would take a while. But it’s hard, ya know? From the outside, you look fine, and we forget. Then something happens and we know you have a way to go yet. Everyone kind of deals with it differently and we know that it annoys you, but when accidents happen, it typically is more traumatic for those close to the injured . . .”</p><p>“I’m so . . .” Harry tries to say after cutting off Zayn.</p><p>“And don’t say sorry. Damn it Harry! When are you going to realize this is not your fault?” Zayn says, his voice a little more forceful.</p><p>Harry jumps at Zayn’s harsh tone and feels tears start to well up. </p><p>“Shit, I didn’t mean to scare ya’. No one is mad, no one blames you. Don’t know how many times we have to tell ya’, but it is the truth. Stop apologizing, okay? I just want you to understand our point of view. We love you so much. I love you, man and we all hate this, but I speak for all of us. We want to help you get better and we’re not leaving or performing until we can do it together and that is just the way it is. No crime, no foul, just fact,” Zayn puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You hearing me mate? We will all get through this and we aren’t going anywhere.”</p><p>Harry can’t help it when a tear slips out. He sniffs and wipes it away, nodding, agreeing with Zayn. His emotions are all over the place, but he feels calm, calmer than he has felt. The guilt that has always been present, seems to fade away at Zayn’s words. </p><p>“You mean it?” he asks Zayn softly. </p><p>“Every word brother,” Zayn answers.</p><p>Thank you,” he says with as much emotion as he can put behind those two words. </p><p>“No need to thank me. Maybe Lou, it was his idea to come out. What’s going on with you two anyway?” Zayn asks, trying to break the tension. </p><p>“Um, I’m not sure. He is always there,” Harrys says. </p><p>That causes Zayn to chuckle. </p><p>“He’s more than just there. He sleeps in the same bed, won’t let you out of his sight, fiercely protects you and looks after you,” Zayn says.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess he is. Not gonna lie, I like it. But we haven’t talked about anything yet. Don’t know if it because of the accident or something else,” Harry says. </p><p>“Truth?”</p><p>Harry nods.</p><p>“I think it is the something else,” Zayn says.</p><p>“Maybe so, we’ll see,” Harry responds. </p><p>Neither boy speaks after that, Harry closes his eyes and leans back enjoying the sun. He must have fallen asleep because when he wakes again, he is in his bed with Louis wrapped around him. Thinking back to what Zayn had said, it makes Harry smile. He feels safe in Louis’ arms and wiggles to get closer to him, closing his eyes when he feels Louis’ arms tighten around him. Harry may need to see sooner, rather than later.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry just can't win and Louis has a realization.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>More time goes by and Harry loses track of it. He never knows which way is up, he feels like for them supposedly relaxing, he is always doing something. He swims regularly with Jon and Liam and loves to swim out to the island to test himself. He is exhausted afterward, but it is becoming easier. Alberto, Paddy, Niall join him to hike on days he doesn’t swim. No one has said anything, but he tries to quicken the pace as much as possible. Zayn and Jon have started joining him in the mornings while he watches the sunrise. Jon fishes and Zayn paints. It has surprised Harry to see Zayn getting up so early, but he also knows he takes a nap in the afternoons as well. For some reason, being in Zayn’s presence is very comforting, almost soothing. They don’t talk, just share space, oftentimes, Harry writes, or he watches Zayn paint or sketch. Occasionally, they will say something, but talking just isn’t necessary. Harry enjoys it so much that mornings are becoming his favorite time of day. </p><p>The quiet gives him time to think over his relationship with Louis and also his discussions with Jon. They have spoken more about taking a time out or slowing down and he has been doing research about contracts and requests. He has even sent his mum some questions to send to their solicitor. Harry wants to talk with the boys, but the right time will be the key. </p><p>The boys haven’t forgotten that they are supposed to be working on their next album as well. Liam and Louis and sometimes Niall spend a lot of time in the music room. Sometimes, Zayn, Niall and Harry will go in and listen. Niall adds the guitar and occasionally one will work on the piano. Harry tries to sing, but it is like the words vibrate his head and cause it to ache. He does try to work through it and usually just suggests a few harmonies or melodies and hums them instead of trying to sing. At least he feels like he is contributing. </p><p>None of the management team has asked for an album update, most likely because of Harry’s injury, but all the boys know it is a matter of time until they will. At the moment, they do have five or six songs that are solid, Louis even says a few are bangers. Harry hasn’t shared any of the ones he has written yet, not sure if he is ready to share that part of himself. A few of the songs deal with death, a little different genre than what they are known for. He doesn’t want to the boys to say they like it out of pity, not that they would, but Harry is feeling too insecure at the moment. </p><p>With keeping busy, Harry is often so exhausted that he has no energy by the evenings. He has been fighting Paul on naps and instead ends up going to bed early, sometimes before dinner. It is not that he doesn’t want to nap, he is just becoming really tired of waking up and being so disoriented. The problem with his plan is that he has had no time alone with Louis even though they are sharing a bed. He keeps looking for moments, but Louis doesn’t want to swim, and he doesn’t like how hot he gets when he hikes and there is no way he is going to wake up before the sun. It is leaving Harry so frustrated. He hasn’t missed that whenever he looks up, he sees Louis watching him. Harry always smiles back, and Louis returns it. The warm feeling in his stomach grows when that happens. </p><p>In week seven, they are outside playing football, the one thing that Louis would want to be in the heat for, he never misses a chance to kick the ball or have a startup game. Counting Jack, their chef, if everyone plays, they can play six on six and that is why Harry is currently outside running a little more than he probably should, but no one is telling him no. Paul insisted on being on his team to keep an eye on him and after lots of reassurances, Harry is enjoying himself. He has found his reaction time is a little slower than normal, but he can still pass the ball, but he is an easy target. Louis’ team of Zayn, Liam, Jon, Basil and Jack are currently winning, even though they were not going to keep score. </p><p>Paul calls time after they have been playing for 30 minutes for a water break and that is when Harry’s luck seems to change. He is walking over for some water, wiping the sweat off of forehead, enjoying how his body feels. There is a dull throb in his head, but manageable. It is most likely from running and the heat. He had just turned his head to towards Niall to offer him a bottle of water when he hears, “Heads Up!”</p><p>Before he can react and no time to protect himself, his head erupts in fiery hot pain, his legs collapse under him and he’s on the ground, the ball rolling slowly away. </p><p>Everyone freezes for a moment looking at Harry and then to the direction the ball came from. Paul speaks first. </p><p>“What the hell? Who did that?” Paul yells as runs over to Harry.</p><p>“I didn’t mean too, I was trying to block it,” Zayn responds. The misery in his voice evident. </p><p>Louis runs to Harry’s side immediately, “H, can you hear me?” he asks tentatively, not sure if he should touch Harry or not. </p><p>Harry registers words but can’t quite make out what is being said. He is trying to manage the fiery pain running like wavelengths through his brain. His hands are fisted by his side, his jaw clenched, his body taut, veins popping out, trying to breathe through the pain, little moans are escaping his mouth without permission. Someone tries to squeeze his arm and he flinches, hoping they will get the message that he doesn’t want to be touched. He only wants it to stop. </p><p>Louis looks up at Paul helpless, not sure what to do. Jon has walked up and is now kneeling by the fallen boy. </p><p>“Don’t touch him, he’s conscious. Let him tell us what he needs,” Jon says as he does his best to examine Harry’s head without touching him. </p><p>“His wound is clear, no bleeding,” Jon tells Paul.</p><p>“Should I call his doctor?” Paul asks. </p><p>“It probably wouldn’t hurt,” Jon replies, pressing his fingers to Harry’s wrist as Paul pulls out his phone.</p><p>All Louis can do is look on helplessly, the scene breaking his heart. He looks up at Zayn and he can tell that he feels awful, Liam has a comforting arm around Zayn. This time he is offering the comfort, he knows the feeling of hurting your mate. </p><p>Harry doesn’t open his eyes, lost in his own pain, not knowing where he is or how much time has passed. He keeps going up in the fetal position and then straightening out as his head throbs, not even realizing he is crying. </p><p>Louis’ heart feels near breaking as he hears the painful cries coming from Harry, if he could take the pain, he would. Instead, he watches Jon, hoping he can make Harry better. </p><p>“Harry, I need you to listen to me. Grab my hand, okay?” Jon asks. “Louis, put your hand by Harry’s. That’s it, Harry, grab Louis’ hand.”</p><p>Harry doesn’t so much as grab Louis’ hand, but feels a hand in his and he squeezes, still feeling his body spasm through the pain. </p><p>“Good. Now, can you take a deep breath for me? Your pulse is a little high, we need you to slow it down.”</p><p>“Can’t . . ., hurts . . .” Harry gets out squeezing the hands holding his even tighter. Breathing is not what he is worried about right now.  </p><p>“I know son, but you are going to make yourself pass out. Open your mouth and take a breath for me, please,” Jon implores Harry once more. </p><p>Not going to happen, Harry thinks as he continues to squeeze their hands. He does try, but he just can’t. His body will not obey him and passing out sounds good right now, then he will not hurt, his pain addled brain reasons. When he opens his mouth, a painful sound escapes, not a deep breath that Jon wants. Jon has his other hand on Harry’s chest, trying to calm the other boy down, whispering words no one else can hear. </p><p>The others stand watching, scared, stunned seeing Harry like this. Zayn can’t watch though. His face turned into Liam’s shoulder, while Liam has his arm around his back, trying to offer his own type of comfort. Zayn looks up when he hears a sharp intake of breath. </p><p>“His lips are turning blue,” Louis says alarmed as another shot of fear spears through him.  </p><p>Jon nods, “Harry, I need you to breathe. Please, take a breath for me,” Jon pleads.</p><p>Louis watches Harry’s face and sees his eyes open, the pain evident, then Harry’s eyes roll back, and his body goes slack. </p><p>“Shit!” Jon says. </p><p>“Shit, what? What just happened? Do we call an ambulance?” Louis asks, his fear no longer masked. He is clutching Harry’s hand to his chest, trying to will Harry to wake back up.</p><p>Jon ignores Louis, focusing on Harry instead. “Bring me my bag,” Jon yells and turns to Paul, “Did you get ahold of the doctor?”</p><p>“Yes, he is on his way,” Paul replies. </p><p>Alberto comes back with Jon’s bag and he pulls out a pen-lite and looks in Harry’s eyes. Then takes his blood pressure and listens to his heart. When he looks up, there are many pairs of anxious eyes looking back at him. </p><p>Taking a deep breath, he explains, “it was a panic attack that caused him to pass out. There are no signs of injury or head trauma. I think if he hadn’t of been injured, he would have just had a slight headache. Help me get him up and into bed and Dr. Weeks can look him over.” </p><p>They nod and Alberto and Paul move to carefully lift Harry. With heads down and faces not hiding a myriad of emotions, the boys follow behind, their day of fun quickly forgotten.  </p><p>Once inside, Harry is carefully laid on the bed. An action repeated so many times since they started staying there. Louis takes off Harry’s shoes and goes to get a wet flannel to clean his face off a bit. </p><p>Paul places a strong hand on Louis’ shoulder and whispers, “get him settled and I will come back with the doc,” before he walks out. </p><p>Louis looks at his boy, not even acknowledging Paul when he shakes his head, not sure when he started thinking of Harry that way. </p><p>He sits down on the bed beside Harry, and absentmindedly lifts his hand to move the curls off Harry’s forehead and continues to wipe his face, hoping the cold flannel will wake him up. </p><p>“What am I going to do with you? It seems for every step forward; you take two steps back. I hate to see you hurt so much, love. It hurts my heart. I just want you better, I want you back to being Harry, my Harry.” Louis adds softly. Louis stuffs his fists in his eyes, feeling the tears of frustration rise to the surface. “UGH, I know it’s not your fault. I think Mercury is in retrograde or something. How do you have the worst luck?” Louis laughs at that. </p><p>“Or, he is living up to his klutzy reputation,” Niall says as he walks in and sits on the other side of the bed, looking down at Harry. He gently rubs his hand along Harry’s arm. </p><p>Louis chuckles at the comment because he is not wrong. “I’m just so tired of seeing him injured right when I think we are turning a corner,” Louis says. </p><p>“Yeah, me too. We all are. I thought this would be some type of lads’ vacation or something, but this is not what I expected at all,” Niall adds and Louis looks at him, his face not hiding his question. </p><p>“Not like a vacation, I knew he would be recovering, but I thought it would be easier, ya’ know?” Niall adds. </p><p>“Ya’, me too, me too,” Louis says softly. He looks down at Harry again and his heart hurts. He brushes his hand along Harry’s arm, holding his hand with the other one. “Me too,” he says again softer.</p><p>Niall quietly watches the exchange a small smile playing on his lips. </p><p>“When you going to tell him?” he asks Louis.</p><p>Louis looks up, “Tell him what?” he asks Niall.</p><p>“Are you serious right now? You really don’t know?” Niall asks with an incredulous look.</p><p>“What are you getting on about?” Louis says. </p><p>“That you love him. Have you told him?” Niall says. </p><p>“But I . . .” </p><p>“I’m going to stop you right there. If you say I don’t, I’m going to clobber you upside the head and you can join ‘im on the bed,” Niall says with a little more force. </p><p>Louis stares at Niall, thoughts racing through his head. </p><p>“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. You two are always you two. Like you go together, Harry and Louis, Louis and Harry. The other guys and I think of you two as a unit. I mean look at how you have taken care of him this whole time. You have never left his side and have always been the first one there; hell, you even sleep with him . . .”</p><p>“But nothing happens, I mean, like we don’t do anything,” Louis says defensively. </p><p>“Yet. You aren’t going to take advantage of him being injured, but don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it,” Niall responds.</p><p>“Thought about what?” Louis asks. </p><p>“Are you really that fookin’ stupid?” Niall asks. </p><p>“Hey, don’t say that,” Louis says, now becoming really angry. His face flushed as he stares at Niall. </p><p>“That you love him!” Niall all, but yells. </p><p>“I . . . I . . .” Louis stutters. </p><p>“And don’t you dare say that you don’t. We all know it, Harry knows it, we see proof all the time,” Niall says.</p><p>“You do? He does?” Louis stutters again, so many thoughts running through his head. </p><p>He looks between Harry and Niall and back to Harry and that is when he feels it. Something that he realizes has always been there from the first time he laid eyes on Harry when he was 16. It feels like a flower blooming in his chest, and it slowly travels through his bloodstream, he feels weak. There is tingling all through his body followed by warmth, he slowly sinks to the floor, his legs no longer supporting him. A feeling of joy, happiness, comfort, he can’t really think how to describe it and then he thinks, “LOVE.” It’s love that he feels, and he hopes that Harry feels it too. </p><p>“I’m in love with Harry,” keeps repeating over and over again in his mind. He stares at the floor, but not really seeing anything, stunned at this realization. He loves Harry. Louis takes a deep breath in, feeling like he is breathing for the first time, or at least breathing different air. It feels different somehow; in a way he cannot explain. </p><p>Louis looks around and he feels like he is seeing things for the first time and everything looks just a bit brighter. Is this what love looks like, feels like? He puts his hand over his chest feeling it beat. Right now, that is the only thing grounding him. </p><p>Niall watches silently as Louis realizes it, but he becomes a little scared when he sees him sink down onto the floor. He walks around to the other side of the bed and kneels down. </p><p>“You figured it out, didn’t you?” Niall asks, smiling, putting his hand on Louis’ shoulder.</p><p>Louis looks up at him and nods. “Yeah, I think I did,” he replies with a smile. </p><p>When Harry starts to come to, he hears voices, but he doesn’t recognize them or what they are even saying. His head has a dull ache, but he can’t recall why. He lays there for a moment as he tries to orient himself and slowly opens his eyes. A sliver of fear runs through him as he looks around the room and doesn’t recognize where he is. He looks down at his bed and notices someone else had been lying next to him, but he can’t remember who or why? Alarm runs through him as he thinks and other than his name is Harry, he doesn’t know who he is or what he does. He pushes himself up against the headboard, drawing his knees to his chest, feeling scared and alone. </p><p>The movement on the bed causes Niall to stand up and Louis scrambles to his feet right after. </p><p>“Oh, you’re up. How are you feeling?” the blond boy asks. </p><p>Louis notices Harry’s face first though, frowning at his expression. </p><p>“Haz, you okay?” Louis asks, reaching for Harry as he sits on the bed. </p><p>Harry looks at him and he has no idea who this is, Harry flinches when the blue eyed one sits down and he instinctively start to back up, moving to the other side of the bed.</p><p>“Harry?” Louis says with alarm and goes to lean closer, but Niall puts his hand on Louis and stays him. </p><p>“Don’t, he’s scared of us,” Niall says with concern.</p><p> “Harry, its Louis and Niall. You took a ball to the head and passed out. We brought you into your room until the doctor could examine you,” Louis explains.</p><p>Harry shakes his head and starts backing away even more until he finds himself at the end of the bed and quickly scrambles to stand up. He doesn’t know them and he knows this isn’t his bedroom. He keeps backing up until he hits the wall and puts his arm out, as he looks for a weapon or something to defend himself. </p><p>“Stay away from me, don’t come any closer,” Harry exclaims.</p><p>Both Niall and Louis look at each other, alarm obvious. </p><p>“Go get Paul,” Louis tells Niall.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi, peeking out from behind the curtain. It's been awhile and I just finished the semester. </p><p>Forgive me for the cliffhanger. Enjoy and if you feel so inclined, let me know your thoughts. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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